Now, look at this, there's a study out here, it says people with those speed camera detectors are 600% less likely to get a speeding ticket than the rest of us. In other news, it's been revealed that people with metal detectors are 600% less likely to step on land mines.
S8 E6July 16th, 2006
[On driving a bus] Yeah, it's easier [than sitting here] actually. 'Cause you're not being filmed. So you can have a joint. No! Sorry.
Chaps.
Yes?
There's a list of essential accessories.
Ok, let's see if we've got them.
Step?
No.
Water container?
No.
Mains hook up lead?
No.
Leisure battery?
No.
Gas cylinders?
No.
Towing mirrors?
AAll
YES!
We could be gypsies.
James, the car is weaving about.
It's not--this is not natural.
Really alarming!
[voiceover] So, we consulted the caravan handbook.
[quoting the handbook] "When a swaying caravan starts to dictate the direction of travel, you have a snake."
No, you have a crash!
Exactly! [quoting] "Try to keep it in the straight ahead position, and allow the outfit to slow down gradually." [commenting] And that's not true! You put your foot down, don't you?
Power out of it. Always!
Yeah!
Power out!
Yes, if in doubt, give it more power.
[holding up the handbook] This is wrong!
This car feels really odd.
James, it--what's a Kia C--
Thingy.
Soprano, Sudoku... It's not a good car.
Do you know what's behind us?
What?
Horse box.
What, we're holding up a horse box?
Ah, now that's payback. I like that. I'll write him a message. [He picks up the keypad for an LED messageboard bought at the service station] Serves... You... ["Serves you right!" appears on the screen at the back of the caravan]
[riding in the tow car on a single-carriageway country road]
Oh, I've just seen the queue [behind them] as we came off the roundabout! I can't live with the shame!
[police sirens are heard]
Police are here! Runaway!
Run! Hide in a bush!
So far we'd learnt that if there are any joys to caravanning they certainly weren't to be had on the journey. All we'd done on the way to Dorset is crash into things, bicker, get cautioned by the police, cause a lot of jams, have a puncture, clear up some dog sick, have a noisy disgusting picnic at the side of the road and get stuck.
But after six hours we finally arrived at Caravancatraz.
Oh no, Jeremy it's worse... over there. That's not a sign you ever want to read on your holiday. [points to a sign that reads: "Toilet Chemical Disposal Only"]
[After Richard is "abducted" by an elderly fan in a neighbouring caravan]
What's Hammond doing with the dog?
The dog went in with him.
Really?
Him and the dog and the biggish woman are in a caravan.
It is amazing upholstery, I went in there and I immediately wanted a curry.
[peeking in the caravan after they park up] Ohh... [seeing shattered dishes on the floor] Oh no.
Ooh!
Oh, dear.
[laughing] Oh, my word. Wha...
[the caravan tips back as they all enter]
AAll
Woah!
Oh my God!
You've got to put the legs down first.
We're not brilliant at this are we?
Ow!
Was that your finger?
[singsong voice] There's gonna be swearing!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.