[On The Stig]
Some say that he also has a button that makes him hum, and that if he played football for Manchester United, he'd be loyal, because he's not a potato-headed oaf.
S20 E4July 21th, 2013
[After part 1 of the Hovervan segment was shown, in which the van sank in a reservoir]
Well, that was a complete catastrophe and it was all Hammond's fault.
How was it my fault?
Because, as predicted, those engines weren't powerful enough.
No, the problem was, and I never thought I'd say this, James's skirt was too small. [laughter]
No, no, I'm not having that, there was nothing wrong with my skirt. The problem was that (Jeremy) just charged into the water, as usual, like an imbecile.
The thing with hovercrafting is it's brilliant, brilliant, brilliant, disaster.
The hovercraft has run amok in a lock!
[While going up a small weir in the Mark II Hovervan]
In the Shakespearean style, "Horsepower, horsepower, my kingdom for some horsepower!"
S20 E5July 28th, 2013
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight... Richard drives a new Lamborghini. James and I go on a caravan holiday. And a rock god is in our Reasonably Priced Car.
[On the Ford EcoSport]
Well, hang on, that's not going to work. Because we know the voice recognition in cars is rubbish. It never works, does it? So, if you just say, "The Police", it will probably actually ring the police.
No, it will! It will, it will! Because this car's got a feature on it that if you have an accident or get into problems, it calls the emergency services for you.
Well, that's just a recipe for disaster.
You'll be sitting there going, "Right, get the fire brigade," and it would play The Move! [singing] "Get the fire brigade, get the fire brigade —"
"Oh, I'm in trouble, help!" [singing] "I need somebody, help!" What a terrible way to die, trapped in your car, listening to all the embarrassing rubbish on your iPod.
[On The Stig]
Some say he's married to one of Princess Anne's hats. And that he spent all week standing outside a hospital in London pretending to be Nicholas Witchell.
[In the Mazda CX-5]
It's got automatic brakes! It stopped without me asking it to, 'cause it thought I was going to hit the hedge. Get in. Right, try to run me down.
Oh, all right. Now, if this doesn't work, you all heard him say, "Try to run me down."
[On Steven Tyler's lap]
STSteven Tyler
You know what, my mum used to say don't ever be afraid: she said amateurs built the Ark and pros built the Titanic. Meanwhile, I got in this car and I was scared to death.
[While off-roading with caravans in tow, Jeremy's caravan starts to break down completely]
Oh, no. This is disastrous, I'm actually driving through Jeremy's caravan!
James, are things as bad back there as I suspect they are?
Well, let me put it this way, I've run over your left hand wall. Oh, and your portable lavatory! [laughs]
[A few miles later, on someone's lawn]
I could actually overtake now but this is too amusing. I've got to — [laughs uncontrollably]
[voice over] Sadly, I was laughing so much, I crashed … into myself.
[jackknifing] I've spun!
S20 E6August 4th, 2013
[During the opening sequence]
Tonight, I point at some fields. Richard minces round a corner. And James describes his ideal night in.
[in a bus] Vomit and sputum, and other bodily secretions.
[While driving the Range Rover Sport through muddy waters]
I feel like I'm driving a luxury hotel room through a swamp.
[Comparing the larger Range Rover with the smaller Range Rover Sport]
This is bigger, and bigger, as we know, is always better than smaller.
Well, not always, not in … Not in bruises, it's not.
Not bruises, no. Premium Bond wins.
Heart attacks.
Erm … Fireworks.
Unexpected bills.
Ladies, can you think of anything which is better when it's bigger than smaller? [laughter]
[On Mark Webber's departure from Formula 1]
So are you going to miss your teammate?
MWMark Webber
Am I going to miss Seb? Probably not a huge amount, no. In a competitive environment, there's always going to be a bit of needle. There's a lot of history between us two, obviously, that's gone before.
Did it start in Malaysia when he suddenly lost the ability to steer? It was basically "Don't overtake Mark", and then he heard everything apart from the "don't". I mean, you're an Aussie. Have you never felt tempted to … [showing his fist] "This is for Gallipoli, blam!"
MWMark Webber
A lot of people are saying yes. I'm a bit concerned. My dad always says, "You shouldn't hit boys, mate", so … [laughter]
Huh Huh huh... very funny.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.