[Commenting on the Koenigsegg CCX] I think Koenigsegg is Swedish for: "Oh no, my head has just exploded!"
S8 E1May 7th, 2006
Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?
[About the Koenigsegg CCX]
Oh. And I'll give you a little tip: If you tune this engine to run on environmentally-friendly biofuel, you'll be getting nine hundred brake horsepower. [laughs] Should I get Bill Oddie one of these?
This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying "Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted diseases. [Drives past a sign welcoming him to "Piddington"] That says it all, really. "I drive a people carrier... I'm a bit of a Piddington"
[heading to Woburn Abbey Safari Park in the convertible Renault Espace]
[to James] Well, let's put it this way: if you were to be locked inside a phone box for half an hour with: a) a monkey, or b) a lion, there you go! What would you go for?
The lion.
BBoth
What?
No, because monkeys, in confined spaces, those Barbary monkeys, they panic and they get really, incredibly violent.
I love the way that James thinks that monkeys are, in some way, the greatest peril that we're facing... in the next hour of our lives.
[At the safari park in their convertible people carrier, watching two lions mate]
[Voiceover] Fortunately, the lions had other things on their minds.
Oh, look what's going on.
Oh no, he's...
Oh, that's... lion porn!
What are you doing, man?
What if he tries to do that to us?
[on driving the home-made convertible through the monkey enclosure]
ARGGGGGH! [Sneaks to the front to avoid the monkeys roaming above him on the roof]
Hey you got to stay there after you mocked me!
[Whilst in the carwash in the Espace convertible]
I'm dry still.
[a moment later]
I'M WET NOW!!
[The three take their convertible people carrier through a car wash]
Uh... it's on fire.
What?! It can't be on fire! [He looks] It's on fire.
It's on fire. Just run. Just run.
[The three run off... and after the film]
The thing is, we managed to set fire to something that's basically made of water!
How did you do that? Did you see the owner of the car wash afterwards?
He was...
Cross. Very cross.
He was especially cross when I rang him up and asked if we could have our three pounds fifty back.
[about the Honda Civic's poor sound insulation] I mean, I like an engine note as much as the next person, but I'd like it to be a fizzy V6 hand-crafted in Italy. This... [revving the engine] that's a rather dreary 4-pot from rainy Swindon.
You need to be able to drive the car over a sleeping policeman... That wouldn't drive over Richard Hammond's girlfriend.
[to Clarkson] You've done this before, anyway.
Yes I have. It didn't go well.
How "not well"?
Well, I took the roof off and then the whole car split in half.
Y'see, that's very "not well" indeed.
S8 E2May 14th, 2006
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: I'm ruining the tranquillity of the Yorkshire Dales. Richard ruins Iceland. And we all ruin a local radio show.
[on the Stig]
Some say he has a digital face, and that if he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
[in the news sction]
Look at this. [...] It is called the "quickstart". You stick it in your cigarette lighter when you are driving in France and when you turn the car on in the morning its little electronic voice reminds you to drive on the right.
That might be useful if you are a bit thick
[...] Actually, it is a complete waste of £ 9,99. When you get up in the morning, all your luggage has been stolen from the boot and your car's just a burnt out shell, you'll know you're in France anyway.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.