[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: Can a Mazda go faster than a dog? Can a frog go faster than a Peugeot? And can I go faster than... myself?
S7 E6December 27th, 2005
[on the Stig]
Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
A dog oversteers, which is more fun...
...than an understeering hyena.
So, you want a Mazda MX-5 because it's rear wheel drive.
OK, now it's time to do the ugliest car of the year and the nominations are: the Ssangyong Kyron...
Uugghh...
...the Ssangyong Rodius...
[shouts of disgust from the audience]
...and look at this one, the Ssangyong Musso!
[more shouts from the audience]
That thing really is a Moose, isn't it? So which one has won it? It's the BMW 3 Series!
[On "best noise of the year"]
That is the sound your spine would make if you could actually hear it tingle.
"If it's not a democracy, it's a dictatorship. And I'm dictating that the Aston Martin V8 Vantage is the winner!" (the 2005 TG Awards)
The next award is for the Gas Guzzler of the year. And the nominations are: The Range Rover sport, which achieved eight miles to the gallon. The Bugatti Veyron, which achieved four miles to the gallon. And Hemel Hempstead. That actually used up 60 million gallons of fuel, didn't move an inch!
[while playing Gran Turismo 4]
I am going to pick a track, we'll go for a real one... Laguna Seca and now we have to pick a car. TVR Tuscan, nope too much of a handful. Aston Martin DB9. That's not a racing car, that's just pornography.
S8 E1May 7th, 2006
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: I drive the scariest car in the world. James drives the least scary car in the world. And we all drive a car with a monkey on the roof.
[on the Stig]
Some say that his ears aren't exactly where you'd expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with John Prescott... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
[Talking about their new dog, Top Gear Dog (TGD), being a Labradoodle (Labrador-Poodle cross)]
Yeah, that makes her a hybrid. We were going to call her "Prius", but that would have been cruel... and she would have eaten a lot more than we were expecting.
[Discussing the bright pink convertible Nissan Micra] It just looks like a scrotum!
[About his Ford GT] The thing is, I think I'm right in saying that I have never completed a single journey, anywhere there and back, in it ever. Which must make it the most unreliable car... ever made. In fact, if you've got a more unreliable one, write to us at "Actually, I've Got a Peugeot" BBC Top Gear, London W12...
[Discussing 20p organic crisps]
You see the thing is this, if you buy those crisps, the 20p goes to the Mexican sewage industry but if you buy petrol, the money goes to the government who spend it letting out foreign prisoners so they can stab people.
[Laughter, Hammond with his head in his hands, large applause]
[on quitting his smoking habit]
In recent weeks, a craving for nicotine has made me angry with everything, even trees.
[cuts to him criticizing a tree in the woods]
It's just completely the wrong colour. [seeing a twig on the ground] Look, a twig, why, why's it there? [picks up the twig] Look at it! [prepares to throw the twig but it snaps under pressure]
[thundering down the road in the Koenigsegg CCX]
Who needs nicotine?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.