[on the way to hosting the radio programme, Jeremy and James had taken to bad-mouthing Richard's Cadillac BLS]
Just stop talking now.
[a brief silence...]
I don't like the clock.
Save it!
S8 E2May 14th, 2006
[during the news]
To test for speed, they'd have to give the driver a Hoover.
Eh?
You know when you're at a big party, at the end of it everybody's asleep, the bloke who's on speed is always hoovering.
The rock and roll years, with James May!
[Before the Stig's Liana lap] This week we've been literally inundated with a letter...
Now, look at this. A bloke stole a Mercedes McLaren SLR, which is one of the fastest cars in the world. We have to agree it's on the top of our board, but it was fitted with one of those tracker devices. They caught him after 40 minutes, d'you know how far he'd gone in that time?
[Jeremy and Richard shrug shoulders]
12 miles!
[Laughter]
What was he doing?
That's the least ambitious thief in the world.
That's an average speed of 18 miles per hour.
Why did he nick it?
I dunno, but I'd like to appeal to him, if he's been let out by the home secretary, which he almost certainly has been...[Laughter and applause] ...if you'd like to steal a motor vehicle and travel around the place at 18 miles per hour, could you nick my Honda 90?
[on the new Jaguar XK, and why its front lifts above 130 mph]
Golf. In the boot, golfists want enough room to put their bats...
[About a BMW 650 convertible] This doesn't have an engine. What it has instead is a nuclear bomb under the bonnet.
[after Richard loses the car vs. jet-powered kayak challenge]
Very important message there...somewhere. Anyway, it's time to move on...
S8 E3May 21st, 2006
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: I get a hot head..."Oh-oh-oh, I'm on fire..."; Richard gets another Top Gear dog "Help!"; And James has some trouble with wind.
[on the Stig]
Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered, he could crack the Da Vinci Code in 43 seconds... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
[Trying to discover what sort of car Richard has bought during the Amphibious Car Challenge]
Hamster! How it's going?
Very well, thank you, very well indeed!
What are you doing? What've you got?
Err, it's, it's pretty... I don't wanna tell you, really, but it's pretty... sleek, um, as a road-going vehicle; as a boat I think it's gonna be a winner.
I bet it's a Lotus Esprit, isn't it?
Well, it's a monocoque [screws up face]. Um, so it, it has sort of sporting... pretensions.
And what're you going in terms of propulsion?
Uh, well, now, the, the, the, the... lot of power. I'm gonna... I'm gonna fully utilise the onboard power.
[voiceover] Hammond was keeping his cards close to his chest.
Hello?
May.
Clarkson.
Have you heard the Hamster?
Well, yeah, I did, but I can't get much out of him. He's now saying his car is rear-engined, but not a 911. I think he's bought an Hillman Imp and he's making a submarine.
[practicing his negligble sailing skills in a small boat]
There's a boat there called the "Hey Presto"! Hang on, there's a boat right here called "Puffin" - Hello Puffin! [crashes heavily into "Puffin"]
[after being drenched in the motor wash from Jeremy's borrowed powerboat]
You utter pirate!
[Jeremy has just shown Richard the buoyancy aids he has added to his Toybota.'
So you think...that left to its own devices...a Volkswagen campervan...will float?
Well it's like...it's like a narrow boat in shape. A narrow boat is just a big box isn't it?
[Extending his hand to Richard] Goodbye.
[Struggling onto the Motorway in his Triumph Herald] And we're in Top Gear... 35mph..!
Meanwhile, my lack of power was becoming an issue.
[The campervan makes rusty noises]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.