[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight: I'm ruining the tranquillity of the Yorkshire Dales. Richard ruins Iceland. And we all ruin a local radio show.
“May 14th, 2006” · Season 8, Episode 2
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (8), Richard Hammond (4), James May (4)
[on the Stig]
Some say he has a digital face, and that if he felt like it, he could fire Alan Sugar... all we know is, he's called the Stig.
[in the news sction]
Look at this. [...] It is called the "quickstart". You stick it in your cigarette lighter when you are driving in France and when you turn the car on in the morning its little electronic voice reminds you to drive on the right.
That might be useful if you are a bit thick
[...] Actually, it is a complete waste of £ 9,99. When you get up in the morning, all your luggage has been stolen from the boot and your car's just a burnt out shell, you'll know you're in France anyway.
[on the way to hosting the radio programme, Jeremy and James had taken to bad-mouthing Richard's Cadillac BLS]
Just stop talking now.
[a brief silence...]
I don't like the clock.
Save it!
[during the news]
To test for speed, they'd have to give the driver a Hoover.
Eh?
You know when you're at a big party, at the end of it everybody's asleep, the bloke who's on speed is always hoovering.
The rock and roll years, with James May!
[Before the Stig's Liana lap] This week we've been literally inundated with a letter...
Now, look at this. A bloke stole a Mercedes McLaren SLR, which is one of the fastest cars in the world. We have to agree it's on the top of our board, but it was fitted with one of those tracker devices. They caught him after 40 minutes, d'you know how far he'd gone in that time?
[Jeremy and Richard shrug shoulders]
12 miles!
[Laughter]
What was he doing?
That's the least ambitious thief in the world.
That's an average speed of 18 miles per hour.
Why did he nick it?
I dunno, but I'd like to appeal to him, if he's been let out by the home secretary, which he almost certainly has been...[Laughter and applause] ...if you'd like to steal a motor vehicle and travel around the place at 18 miles per hour, could you nick my Honda 90?
[on the new Jaguar XK, and why its front lifts above 130 mph]
Golf. In the boot, golfists want enough room to put their bats...
[About a BMW 650 convertible] This doesn't have an engine. What it has instead is a nuclear bomb under the bonnet.
[after Richard loses the car vs. jet-powered kayak challenge]
Very important message there...somewhere. Anyway, it's time to move on...
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.