TV show quotes
[While test driving the Mercedes-Benz C63 AMG Coupe Black Series]
Through the corners there's just no way that I can keep up with the man in the Maserati because he is driving a racing car and I... I'm wrestling a mad yellow bear! This, honestly, is Winnie The Pooh with road rage.
[In the Maserati GranTurismo MC Stradale]
If you take the gearbox out of race mode and put it in everyday "going to the shops" auto, it sits down there, in the bowels of the car thinking,
"Now, he's just pulled that lever, that means I have to do something. What is it? I have to bake a cake? No... Mow the lawn? No... I know! I'm a gearbox! He's pulled the lever, that means he wants third!"
It's so dim-witted and slow in normal mode, it makes the whole car feel like it isn't joined up properly.
[On The Stig]
Some say that he is the only man in history to buy a DFS sofa when there wasn't a sale on. And that his favourite boxing venue is Munich Airport. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight, we get very cold and wet. I re-enact the Battle of Britain.
Oh, nuts.
And there's a Blur in our reasonably-priced car.
[While waiting for Richard in his Morgan Threewheeler to pass by]
Come on, my little three-wheeled friend.
Here he comes, ladies and gentlemen.
Here he comes
Doff your hats. Roll out the barrel.
[dancing and singing Any old iron] Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron...
I am going to give it the full Stirling Moss. Ya-a-ah!
Did you see him clinging on with his elbow? You could see the sinews in his arm.
The sound is from the 1930s. Did the picture go black and white as he went past?
I'm not having you judging.
What?
You can't play a game of Monopoly without cheating.
No, you can't. He did cheat at Monopoly.
I played these two at a game of Monopoly and he [points at James] cheated!
We played for four hours and you cheated!
I did not cheat!
You ruined the game! You made it - you robbed the bank!
There was a... [laughter] There was a bank robbery. But you don't get those in Monopoly and I thought it would make it more authentic if the bank was robbed.
What?
You stole it!
I've played the role -
So you're a cheat, a liar and a burglar!
[On The Stig]
Some say that he stores all his shoes and his cassette tapes on the motorway central reservation. And that since he can easily stay quiet for two hours, he's wondering why he didn't win an Oscar. All we know is, he's called The Stig.
[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight, Raikkonen...
Oops.
Evans...
Can't believe it.
Slash... and bash, as we do proper motor racing.
[While Jeremy goes over his favourite quotes from Kimi Raikkonen]
There was the famous one when Michael Schumacher got his lifetime achievement thing in Brazil, from Pele, and Martin Brundle said, "Did you see the ceremony?" You said no because...
I was busy. [laughter]
"Taking a dump," is what you said.
I mean, I told the truth, a true story, so...
I fell off my chair laughing! [laughter] I like this one. "The helmet has a special meaning for many drivers. How important is it to you?" You said, "It protects my head."
You stole the hat?
Yeah. Then I went next door and stole a poncho belt and cut it up and put it around the top and I've been wearing it ever since.
You do know this show is shown in America?
It's OK. It was long enough ago that the statute's up by now.
OK, so you're going to get away with the stolen hat. There's some gossip we didn't know. Slash wears stolen clothing.
Why does it say 1 + 2 = 2?
[voiceover] And, with that sorted, we got to know the other drivers.
I notice from the entry sheet you're all called Gary. [laughter]
I'm not! [laughter]
Yes... Do you mind if I call you Gary, just to keep everything clear?
No, that's fine. Just keep it simple.
OK, but who is called Gary? [two men raise their hands] You're Gary, you're Gary and you're both in my class?
You are racing in Gary class... [laughter] so you are Gary Clarkson.
[voiceover] Next up in the stock hatch class was Professor Richard Hammond, who was still trying to get to grips with the scoring system.
Six plus one equals one, because that's the result they carry forwards... which means I could end up in final C, which... C comes before A... I'm just going to drive around as fast as I can.
Come on, Gary! Gary, I'm going to get you! I've got Gary up my chuff here and I'm trying to take Gary on the inside. [voiceover] Then the super-modified Garys put me in my place. [the car behind Jeremy rams him on to the grass] I may be off the track slightly here.
[After Slash performed Jessica at the end of the show]
I'll tell you what. He's a lot better at that than he is at driving.
And he's quicker!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
