The springs are stiffer and the dampers can be adjusted so that the rate of compression and rebound changes. That helps, if you alter that very very finely, you can keep the tire in contact with the road more of the time. The instant the weight goes off or the tire bounces up, you lose grip, which will lower your cornering speed, and we know that cars are faster wh-[Clarkson starts to walk away] You asked!
[Harry Enfield in his "Clarkson Island" comedy sketch]
EAEnfield [as Clarkson]
[mimicking Jeremy's habit of pausing] Hello, I'm, on an Island, and not just, any Island, Because this Island, is Clarkson island, and Unlike any other island, Clarkson island, has the greatest number of Clarksons... In the world!
PWPaul Whitehouse [as Clarkson]
In fact Clarkson Island, standing, 248 Clarksons, per square mile.
[later in the sketch, "Clarkson" visits a farmer who farms Clarksons]'
FFarmer
Come on now, Clarksy. [shaves the head of a "Clarkson"] We actually clip them towards the year, otherwise their woolly hair gets clogged up and all the shit comes out of their mouths, see.
Jeremy
My son watches that every hour, every time he sees it he goes "Dad, you're on television again, well it's not really you; it's some blokes with shit coming out of their mouths!"
But whenever I see them -- those women driving those cars -- I really do want to stop them and just ask, I want to beg why? Tell me why did you buy that because it's an expensive car.
Jeremy
It's like getting every travel brochure, choosing your summer holidays next summer--a hundred and eighty countries you could go to and saying Yes, Germany. Not Mauritius--not Mauritius, Dortmund is where I want to go.
I was going to say, that's exactly what it is - I looked at that and it nearly killed me, it's so awful.
[...]
Jeremy
What gets me is, who's going to say of this, "No, no, I don't want the Maserati Quattroporte or, what, you know that four-door Lamborghini we had in the studio last week, do you remember? Who's going to say, "No, I want this instead"? That's like being offered the choice of marrying two women, one of them unkind and ugly, and the other beautiful with a heart of gold, and saying, "No, I want the brutal minger."
[Jeremy has proposed putting giant magnets on the front of cars to avert collisions, and a member of the audience has pointed out another benefit]
Jeremy
The man here - doesn't look bright - he's just pointed out that you'd be driving along, every screw and nail [pantomimes road debris adhering to the bumper magnet] doonk, doonk, doonk, on the front, you'd never get a puncture!
Top Gear · 1,774 quotes
Jeremy
