Jeremy Clarkson quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

Tonight, I do a skid. Richard steals some tyres. And James gets kicked in the face.

Jeremy

Some say that he's the only man in Britain who knows what B&Q stands for. And that he can't give his million-pound bonus back because he's already spent it... on French breast implants. All we know is... he's called The Stig.

Jeremy

[on the street, wearing a host of knockoff clothes] The Chinese are very good at this sort of thing. I'm speaking to you now from behind a pair of fake Ray-Bans, wearing a fake Armani jacket, carrying a fake Louis Vuitton bag in which we find a fake iPad and a fake iPhone. And if we consult my fake Omega, we see that it's twenty-five to three. Probably. Which means it's time to pop into the fake Starbucks over there for a cup of fake coffee. It seems then that the expression "copyright infringement" doesn't translate terribly well into Mandarin.

Jeremy

Tonight, I drive around a field. James measures a runway. And Richard lays a cable.

Jeremy

Some say that he has 50,000 photographs of his own camera. [laughter] And that 60 years ago this week, he, too, became a queen.

Jeremy

Tonight, I wear a hat. James wears a hat. And Richard is behind a low wall.

Jeremy

To find out, we need a man skilled in the potent cocktail of big horsepower and little grip. And luckily, just such a man is arriving now. He's not the Stig's Alpine cousin, he's just The Stig.

Jeremy

Fenton! Fenton! Fenton! Oh, Jesus Christ!

Jeremy

Through the corners there's just no way that I can keep up with the man in the Maserati because he is driving a racing car and I... I'm wrestling a mad yellow bear! This, honestly, is Winnie The Pooh with road rage.

Jeremy

If you take the gearbox out of race mode and put it in everyday "going to the shops" auto, it sits down there, in the bowels of the car thinking,

Jeremy

Some say that he is the only man in history to buy a DFS sofa when there wasn't a sale on. And that his favourite boxing venue is Munich Airport. All we know is, he's called The Stig.

Jeremy

Some say that he stores all his shoes and his cassette tapes on the motorway central reservation. And that since he can easily stay quiet for two hours, he's wondering why he didn't win an Oscar. All we know is, he's called The Stig.

Jeremy

Come on, Gary! Gary, I'm going to get you! I've got Gary up my chuff here and I'm trying to take Gary on the inside. [voiceover] Then the super-modified Garys put me in my place. [the car behind Jeremy rams him on to the grass] I may be off the track slightly here.

Jeremy

Some say that we have at least thought of a new way of introducing him. But we haven't. It's The Stig!

Jeremy

This is the joy of a P45. Everything is a drive-through.