[During the opening sequence.]
Tonight, I do a skid. Richard steals some tyres. And James gets kicked in the face.
“February 5th, 2012” · Season 18, Episode 2
In this episode: Jeremy Clarkson (5), James May (2)
[On The Stig]
Some say that he's the only man in Britain who knows what B&Q stands for. And that he can't give his million-pound bonus back because he's already spent it... on French breast implants. All we know is... he's called The Stig.
[On Chinese manufacture of counterfeit products, including copying of car designs]
[on the street, wearing a host of knockoff clothes] The Chinese are very good at this sort of thing. I'm speaking to you now from behind a pair of fake Ray-Bans, wearing a fake Armani jacket, carrying a fake Louis Vuitton bag in which we find a fake iPad and a fake iPhone. And if we consult my fake Omega, we see that it's twenty-five to three. Probably. Which means it's time to pop into the fake Starbucks over there for a cup of fake coffee. It seems then that the expression "copyright infringement" doesn't translate terribly well into Mandarin.
[While test driving the XF15OZK-4]
[voiceover] Having mastered the gearbox, it was time to open up the single-cylinder 12-horsepower engine.
[Both Jeremy and James lean back unwillingly & repeatedly every time Jeremy speeds up]
The acceleration just... is blinding! It's like a safety device. You accelerate too hard, your feet come off the pedal.
Hold on to your spine. [over rough roads] Ah!
I mean, 2004, this car was launched.
If I'd shown this to you and asked you when it was built, when would you have said?
1957.
I would say it was older than me.
Yeah.
[over rough roads] Ow! Ow!
JJJeremy & James
Poor quality!
Come on, redeeming feature, James. There must be a redeeming feature.
Uh... It's character-building.
No, 'cause I mean this...
[Engine suddenly dies]
JJJeremy & James
Oh, no!
[after failing to restart the engine] I think our test drive's over.
[On Chinese Stig]
Some say he's the Stig, but he isn't. He is the Stig's Chinese cousin. [Chinese Stig kicks open a door behind them] Now, I should explain, driving is his second favourite thing.
What's his first favourite thing?
Attacking people. He does it a lot. He's constantly at it.
[Chinese Stig proceeds to attack Jeremy, James, the director and the camera crew until Jeremy and James persuade him to go into the Guangzhou Trumpchi]
That's the worst Stig we've ever had.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.