Jeremy Clarkson quotes from Top Gear

Jeremy

Not a single gay man on that stage.

Jeremy

Tonight, I point at a thing, Richard walks through a shop and James has some bananas.

Jeremy

Now every so often, we like to remind ourselves that this is a motoring show. So we get three really nice cars, and go for a long drive. And what we do, is we take it in turns to choose the location. So, if it's my turn, we usually end up in France. If it's James's turn, we usually end up in... 1953. [laughter from the audience] Tonight though, it was Hammond's turn. So guess what.

Jeremy

[after he was easily over taken by a pick up truck in a drag race] THAT'S THERE?!

Jeremy

They're just shooting at me because my car's Japanese!

Jeremy

Tonight, I stop for petrol, Richard wears some sunglasses, and James sees some shirts.

Jeremy

Some say that, following the vote on gay marriage, he's got engaged to James May… 's lawn mower. And that he's become convinced this week that Henry IV is buried under the Follow Through.

Jeremy

But, once again, we must turn to the baby Jesus who once said, "He who shall be last, shall be sideways and smiling."

Jeremy

Sitrep, I've eaten my last pork pie… and I've eaten all my sausage rolls.

Jeremy

Tonight, James draws on a board, Richard waves at a man, and I run away from a table.

Jeremy

Some say he contains 47% horse. [laughter] And that to concentrate more on his work here, he's resigned, this week, from his other job in Rome.

Jeremy

[voice over] And, in the dressing rooms, we had the obligatory team talks.

Jeremy

Right, chaps, we are fine athletes, I think anyone can see that. But there is a lot we can learn from actual rugby players. [gestures to the whiteboard behind him] This was drawn up for a recent match they played and this is what I want you to concentrate on in the second half. "Mindset", "Go for it", "Enjoy it", "Never give in". OK? And I think we can add a fourth to that, which is [writing] "Ram James May". OK? Ram him whenever you see him and ram him hard. Really hard.

Jeremy

Tonight, I hold up a jar, James points at a hill, and Richard eats a sandwich.

Jeremy

Some say that he has the worlds largest collection of horse eggs, and that when he knocks Rafael Nadal out this week it won't be during a game of tennis.

Jeremy

It was PJ O'Rourke, the American author, who first noticed that hire cars are the fastest cars in the world. He is, of course, completely correct, because when was the last time you took your car to the redline? Or you drove it flat out? Never. But here, in this, now, yeees, because it isn't mine.