A character in Top Gear
Played by Jeremy Clarkson
Top Gear · 1,774 quotes
Most-quoted character in Top Gear: in 1,331 of its 1,774 quotes
Most scenes with: Richard Hammond (406), James May (323), Stephen Ladyman (5)
[On the Stig]
JeremySome say that if you hold him in the wrong way he doesn't work properly. (laughter) And that just recently, he developed an irrational hatred of Rubens Barichello. All we know is he's called the Stig.
[During the opening sequence]
JeremyTonight, I wear a hat. Richard wears a hat. And James wears a hat.
[On the Stig]
JeremySome say that he spent all week daydreaming about what Rubens Barrichello would look like in a ham slicer. [laughter] And that he's terrified the BBC will reveal his salary, because he's paid in strong pornography. All we know is, he's called the Stig!
Jeremy[lifts the Citroen's bonnet] Holy moley! What manner of terrible thing has happened under my bonnet? It's actually had diarrhoea, is what's happened here.
JeremySitrep. Don't like driving my Citroen, don't like sleeping in my Citroen, almost certainly won't like cooking in it either.
[Richard Hammond has set fire to his motor home while trying to cook part of a three-course meal, and it has spread rapidly after failing to extinguish it]
JeremyHe's actually set fire to metal, how's he done that?!
[During the opening sequence]
JeremyTonight, Cameron Diaz in our reasonably-priced car! I repeat: Cameron Diaz in our reasonably-priced car! And she's brought Tom Cruise along!
[On the Stig]
JeremySome say the Scottish released him a little bit too soon. (crowd laughs) And that he spent all week pushing an effigy of Rubens Barrichello through his desk fan. All we know is, he's called the Stig!
[During the opening sequence]
JeremyTonight, Richard wears a towel, James and I eat some crisps, and a fly is in our reasonably-priced car.
[On the Stig]
JeremySome say he's recently been releasing pop records under the pseudonym of "Lady Gaga", and that under his racing suit, he also wears a red g-string and suspenders. All we know is, he's called the Stig!
Jeremy[high-fiving the lady] High-five! [high-fiving the mayor] Never high-fived a mayor before.
Right, chaps! Little drive. And I solemnly promised, with my hand in the air, that we'd wouldn't go fast.
Jeremy[voiceover] Sadly, though, we forgot.
Jeremy[reading from the card] At this racetrack you can do so much more than race your car. You can also, for instance, learn... Learn how to do a drive-by shooting.
[Explaining his version of Olympics to Danny Boyle]
JeremyOK, what I'm seeing, OK, the gates come open, the gates are on fire. Some Jags come in, XKRs. On full opposite lock, on fire. And the guy, instead of having a torch, on fire, what if the whole man is on fire? He runs along and leaps into the big saucer-y thing with the flames and that goes on fire. The crowd could be on fire... Every single thing. Because then it could be like Top Gear.
Jeremy[on the TV studio's identity] Could be Good Morning America. That is a big show. Hammond will be desperate to get there first. Because ever since he was a fetus, he's been destined to appear on American television. With his teeth and his hair and everything.
Jeremy[upon seeing Richard's car and finding out that James has gone over budget] So we're not three wise men, we're one wise man, an idiot and a cheat.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Top Gear pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
