Josiah Bartlet quotes from The West Wing

Bartlet

Time's up.

Actually, if I may, Mr. President. I didn't get my full five minutes.

Bartlet

Yes, I know. But I got tired of listening to you. Now you listen to me. I have a Nobel Prize in Economics and I'm here to tell you that none of you know what the hell you're talking about. At 12:01 am, I'm using my executive power to nationalize the trucking industry.

You can't do that, Mr. President...

Bartlet

Fourteen White House lawyers disagree. Truman did it in ‘52 with the coal mines.

And it was struck down by the Supreme Court.

Bartlet

In 50 years, there's a new bench and I'll take my chances. As for Labor, I am calling Congress into Emergency Session to grant me the authority to draft the truckers into military service. [Russo and the Truckers Union delegates look dumbfounded] You're going to love our food. Nice talking to you folks. If this isn't settled in 47 minutes, don't worry. We know where to find you.

Bartlet

We should organize a staff field-trip to Shenandoah. I could even act as the guide. What do you think?

Josh

[Under his breath] Good a place as any to dump your body.

Bartlet

What was that?

Josh

... Did I say that out loud?

Bartlet

See, and I was gonna let you go home.

Josh

[Sinking feeling] ... But instead?

Bartlet

We're gonna talk about Yosemite.

Bartlet

John.

What did I do? Where in our past, what did I do to make you treat me this way? What did I ever do except deliver the South?

Bartlet

You shouldn't have made me beg, John.

Due respect, Mr President, you had just kicked my ass in the primary. I'm 15 years younger than you are and I have my career to think of.

Bartlet

Yellowstone, established by an act signed by Ulysses S. Grant was the nation's first national park - March 1, 1872.

Josh

[stands] It's getting late, sir. I was wondering, are we through for the evening?

Bartlet

[smiling] Well, we're through with work, Josh, but this part's fun.

Josh

What part, sir?

Bartlet

The part where I get you to sit down, and teach you a little something.

Josh

[sits] Ah.

Bartlet

Yeah.

Josh

You're not tired, sir?

Bartlet

No.

Josh

Perhaps, if you get into bed and...

Bartlet

I'm a national park buff. I bet you didn't know that about me.

Josh

Well, I didn't know that about you, sir, but I'm certainly not surprised.

Bartlet

Why is that?

Josh

You're... quite a nerd, Mr. President.

Bartlet

Really?

Josh

Yes, sir.

Bartlet

I assume that was said with all due respect.

Josh

Yes, sir.

Bartlet

Is it nerd-like to know that Everglades National Park is the largest remaining subtropical wilderness in the continental United States, and has extensive mangrove forests?

Josh

Just a little bit. Yes, sir.

Bartlet

There are 54 national parks in the country, Josh.

Josh

Please tell me you haven't been to all of them.

Bartlet

I have been to all of them. I should show you my slide collection.

Josh

Oh, would you?

Bartlet

[counting on his fingers] Grand Canyon, Bryce Canyon, Badlands, Capitol Reef, Acadia, which is so often overlooked...

Josh

You should certainly feel free to keep talking, but I need to go home so I could be back in my office in... four hours.

Bartlet

Dry Tortugas...

Josh

See, the thing is, I can't leave without your permission.

Bartlet

Petrified Forest, North Cascades, Joshua Tree, Shenandoah National Park, right here in Virginia! [bangs hand on couch] We should organize a staff field-trip to Shenandoah. I could even act as the guide. What do you think?

Josh

[Under his breath] Good a place as any to dump your body.

Bartlet

What was that?

Josh

...Did I say that out loud?

Bartlet

See, and I was gonna let you go home.

Josh

[Sinking feeling] ...But instead?

Bartlet

We're gonna talk about Yosemite.

Bartlet

Did you have a drink yesterday?

Leo

No, sir.

Bartlet

Do you plan to have a drink today?

Leo

No, sir.

Bartlet

That's all you ever have to say to me.

Bartlet

Would it surprise you to know that for the last few months you have been on a short list of candidates for the bench?

Yes, it would.

Bartlet

Well then this is gonna knock your socks off. Tomorrow evening at 5 o'clock, I am naming you as my nominee to be the next Associate Justice of the United States Supreme Court. You were not the first choice, but you are the last one, and the right one. Will you accept the nomination?

With honor.

Bartlet

Apparently, I've arranged for an honor guard for somebody.

Toby

Yes, sir. I'm sorry.

Bartlet

No no. Just tell me, is there anything else I've arranged for? We're still in NATO right?

Toby

Yes, sir.

Bartlet

What's going on?

Toby

A homeless man died last night; a Korean War veteran, who was wearing a coat that I gave to the Goodwill. It had my card in it.

Bartlet

Toby, you're not responsible for ...

Toby

An hour and twenty minutes for the ambulance to get there. A Lance Corporal, United States Marine Corps, Second of the Seventh. The guy got better treatment at Panmunjom.

Bartlet

Toby, if we start pulling strings like this, you don't think every homeless veteran would come out of the woodworks?

Toby

I can only hope, sir.

Josh

An hour with you in a rare book store. Couldn't you just drop me off the top of the Washington Monument instead?

Bartlet

It's Christmas, Josh! No reason we can't do both.

Charlie

Mr. President?

Bartlet

I'll take the Indian ambassador in the Oval Office.

Charlie

Yes, sir.

Bartlet

And then if you could just ask the Secret Service to step in and kill me, please.

Charlie

Yes, sir.

Leo

[on Marbury] You're really gonna let him loose in the White House, where there's liquor and women?

Bartlet

We can hide the women. But the man deserves a drink.

Bartlet

Thank you for coming. How was your flight?

Marbury

Intoxicating.

Leo

So I see.

Marbury

[to Leo] Allow me to present myself...Lord John Marbury, I was summoned by your President.

Leo

Yes. We've met, 10 or 12 times. I'm Leo McGarry.

Marbury

I thought you were the butler.

Leo

No, I'm the White House Chief of Staff.

Marbury

Nonetheless, would you have something with which to light my cigarette?

Leo

No, I'm afraid we don't allow smoking in this part of the world.

Marbury

Really? In this part over here we encourage it!

Bartlet

There's an India expert I want to bring in.

Leo

Who?

Leo

No.

Bartlet

You guys are gonna love him.

Leo

He's a lunatic!

Bartlet

He's colorful.

Leo

He's certifiable!

Sam

Who?

Bartlet

Lord John Marbury, former ambassador to New Delhi from the Court of Saint James.

Sam

Where do we find him?

Leo

A psychiatric institution.

Bartlet

He's colorful, Leo.

Leo

You're really gonna let him loose in the White House, where there's liquor and women?

Bartlet

We can hide the women. But the man deserves a drink.

Charlie

Mr. President, I was wondering if I could ask you a question.

Bartlet

Sure.

Charlie

I was wondering how you would feel about my going out on a date with Zoey.

Bartlet

I'm sorry?

Charlie

Well, Zoey was talking to me before, and she mentioned that if I had a free night...

Bartlet

My daughter asked you out?

Charlie

Yes, sir.

Bartlet

I should've locked her in the dungeon.

Charlie

I don't think you've got one, sir.

Bartlet

I could've built one.

Bartlet

Say, listen. My hesitation about your going out with Zoey before, you know, it's not 'cause you're black.

Charlie

I didn't think it was.

Bartlet

It's not.

Charlie

I thought it was 'cause I'm a guy.

Bartlet

It is.

Charlie

I understand.

Bartlet

Still, I want you to go out with her if that's what you both want to do.

Charlie

I'd like to.

Bartlet

That's fine.

Charlie

Thank you, sir.

Bartlet

Just remember these two things: She's nineteen years old, and the 82nd Airborne works for me.

Charlie

Yes sir.

Bartlet

We meant 'stronger' here, right?

Sam

What does it say?

Bartlet

I'm proud to report our country's stranger than it was a year ago?

Sam

That's a typo.

Bartlet

Could go either way.