(stranded in the Arctic) If this is about what I saw, I won't tell anyone!
(stretches himself to the flying car and flies off) I know!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
(after being stranded in the Arctic by Prof. Impossible) ...I CHEATED ON MY DAMN MID-TERMS!
Brock, I've thought a lot about it and if we can't get the antidote in time and it comes down to it, I... well, I want you to be the one to kill me.
Don't talk like that Hank, we're gonna find...
PROMISE ME, Brock!
Okay.
Promise?
Yes, I promise.
Super-swear?
(growing annoyed) YES, Hank.
(after a brief pause) Hey, Brock?
Yeah?
How would you do it?
(without hesitation) You're asleep, quick jerk of the neck, never feel a thing.
You've thought about this.
Yes, I have.
(his jumpsuit having fallen apart, Dr. Venture is wandering naked through the snow)
Oh, great, Venture! Thousands of square miles of empty arctic wasteland and you somehow manage to step in the one spot of yellow snow!
(Prof. Impossible has drawn a weapon to shoot Hank)
Professor, no offense, but that's just crazy! Violence isn't the answer. This is a think tank; we're the most powerful minds on the planet! Let's act like it!
Billy's right. We can create an antidote if we work together!
(pauses for a second to contemplate) Nah, my way's safer.
PPilot
Sir, your craft is unregistered, and you failed to file a flight plan. Just what the hell do you think you’re doing?
Don’t you people have anything better to do than harass innocent people trying to get to Marrakesh?
PPilot
Zip it, Grandpa. I’m speaking to the pilot.
Grandpa? Well, I’ll have you know-
PPilot
Sir, I am not gonna tell you again.
It’s all right, soldier. I got special clearance. [Hands pilot his CIA card] I’m with a top-secret branch of the government. So if you don’t mind, we have a mission to get back to.
PPilot
[looks at license] Sir. This I.D. expired six months ago. [Hearing this, Brock freaks out. Dr. Venture stands next to him, annoyed]
Great. When Marrakesh is overrun by mutant lizard people don’t come crying to me.
"Grandpa." How dare they! I'm only 43. I'm still a young man. Maybe a little frayed around the edges, but who wouldn't be between my work and raising two boys? ...Crap, who am I kidding? My looks are going down the toilet faster than an unwanted pregnancy on prom night.
So, I guess this is goodbye. I will remember these last few days with you as the happiest of my life. Well except for the caterpillar part, I mean.
TAgent Tester
Well, let's see here Mr. Samson. On the driving portion you totaled every car but the one you were driving. On the pistol range you refused to use a gun, and, oh, ha, here's my favorite, on the written you drew the little guy with wings from the Led Zeppelin records.
Icarus. So, uh, what are trying to tell me here, little man, that you don't like Zep? [Tester stands and rips the written portion in half]
TAgent Tester
My father is General Treister. You saved his life. The man spoke of you as a god. [pause] And you did not disappoint.
Oh yeah. I used to babysit you.
Hear that? I'm in charge. And I think it's just about little Hanky's bed time.
Oh, take a bow. [Hits him in the crotch]
Yahtzee!
BBartender
[To Brock] You got it, ape-drape. [Brock growls] A bud for captain mullet head. [Brock begins to draw his knife]
BBartender
[as Brock leaves] Leavin' us so soon, hockey hair? [Brock represses a scream because he isn't allowed to kill him]
TAgent Tester
This test will, uh, test your proficiency with firearms, you'll have two min-
Uh uh. No guns. I don't use guns.
TAgent Tester
The nine millimeter Glock is standard issue to all agents in the field. You're required-
Guns are for sissies.
HDHank and Dean
Hey Brock!
Go to bed. [walks past the door dejectedly, then walks back in] Why would you dress like that? [Dean is in his underwear with a number of socks wrapped around his head]
Dean lost a bet, and now he's my slave, and he's refusing a direct order to drink this!
You never welch on a bet, Dean. Be a man. Drink it. [Hank is offering some green liquid with various substances floating in it] Go to bed. You're father's gonna be... coming... [leaves mumbling dejectedly]
Brock looks like hell.
Drink it.
No. No no no. Bad robot! Bad H.E.L.P.E.R. We don't do that. [H.E.L.P.eR is eating test tubes] We do not eat test tubes! Come here! [H.E.L.P.E.R. backs away] I'm not playing games here. [A hole burns through H.E.L.P.eR's stomach] What, you don't feel well now? Well, what did you expect? You're mixing acids and bases there.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.