I wish you both very much luck in your life together...what's left of it.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Monarch! What say you?
I say what kind of loser can't get the hint that he's been dumped?
So it's okay for you to kidnap her, but when I do it I'm a loser!
(The Cocoon is being attacked)
Hank!
I'm cool!
Okay. Try not to die! Go find your brother, we're leaving.
GBGiant Boy Detective
Behold! The Ring of Power!! Eons have been waiting for he who can wear the magic and not melt or burst into flames or something...
Giant Boy Detective! You're real!! Are we gonna solve a mystery?
GBGiant Boy Detective
No, young'un. We are going to save the kingdom and restore Princess Tinglepants to the throne, then peace shall reign for eternity!
(unenthusiastic) Oh.. Okay...
GBGiant Boy Detective
...And solve a super cool mystery?
(enthusiastic) Yay!! You're a short giant. Aren't you like 30 feet tall in the books?
GBGiant Boy Detective
Oh, if you think I'm a disappointment, you should see Clifford. He's, like, the size of one of those little dogs rich ladies drag around. Plus, he's more pink than red. Anyways, the Magic Flashlight shall lead the way!! (flashlight burns out) Stupid fucking enchanted batteries...
GWThe Great White Oracle
Giant Boy Detective, show me this mighty warrior you speak of!
GBGiant Boy Detective
Okay, but don't be judgmental. You have to keep an open mind!
GWThe Great White Oracle
I always do!
GBGiant Boy Detective
You're kidding, right?
GWThe Great White Oracle
You're the one whose always judgmental.
GBGiant Boy Detective
A-Are you insane?! You're always, like, "Hey fella, you might wanna roll up the windows in this neighborhood!"
GWThe Great White Oracle
Am I doing it now?
GBGiant Boy Detective
Well, no but...
GWThe Great White Oracle
Then show me the friggin' warrior already! (Giant Boy Detective reveals Dean) What, behind the little kid?
GBGiant Boy Detective
See, you always do this!
GWThe Great White Oracle
What? I'm not being judgmental, I'm making a judgment. There's a huge difference.
GLGiant Lab Rat
Oh, this is just stupid! You bother the Great White Oracle for this?! That shivering child? Clearly he's incompetent and I bet he's a sissy!
GWThe Great White Oracle
Yeah, or a crybaby. (taunting) Is this true? Is baby gonna cry? Like a witlle baby cwy, huh?
(fighting back tears) I am not a crybaby!
GBGiant Boy Detective
Eh, don't kid yourself there. You're bit of a pussy. No offense.
I can do this! I am the chosen one! I have the Ring of Power! (Ring falls off his finger onto the floor)
GBGiant Boy Detective
The princess is completely screwed...
There's a princess?
GWThe Great White Oracle
Oh, sure! And she is a looker!
GLGiant Lab Rat
Oh, please! She dresses like a whore!
(Dr. Girlfriend is being taken to Phantom Limb by Klaus Nomi and Iggy Pop)
(To Klaus) What are you... supposed to be from The Future, or something? (To Iggy) And YOU! Put a SHIRT on, for God's sake! [To Phantom Limb] Where do you get off siccing your two stooges on me?!
KNKlaus Nomi
I wasn't in The Stooges
(As the Guild choppers begin the attack on the Cocoon)
Cocoon Navigator Engines online!
BOOK!!!!
(The Cocoon is escaping Phantom Limb's Forces)
So...it's a cocoon...that flies...
Obviously!
I just realized that makes no sense.
Duh! Monarch! Butterfly, butterfly cocoon, it's a theme thing!
Yeah, I get it, but why didn't you just make it shaped like a butterfly?
(The Monarch leans over and looks at Doctor Venture) Because that's gay?
[A Sullustan summoned by the Order of the Triad is flying them to the Monarch's cocoon in the X-1]
Well, I can't help you not save the Ventures from back here in the kiddy seat. Why does creepo get to be the co-pilot?
[working with his seatbelt] I wasn't the one who materialized him from a trading card.
Point of order: I wanted to kill him. Because I bet he's abomination or something. And isn't there some code about that.
Unless he is made from dead people, it's still considered murder. Nice try. Got it! It was all crammed into the cushion.
[waking up] What if he gets hit by a car and he's half-dead? I had this dog once that never...
[The Sullustan launches the ship]
I hope he knows where we're going.
I hope he couldn't understand what I said about him.
(During the battle, a mortally wounded henchman crashes into Brock's arms)
DHDying Henchman
Ah, it's wicked bad out there, sir! I didn't mean to let you down. These five minutes under your command... have been... the proudest... in my... caree... (He goes limp)
(Brock, totally unmoved, callously pitches the corpse into the turbine of a nearby Guild chopper. The turbine seizes in a gush of blood and the chopper plummets downward)
[Iggy Pop is sent outside the Helicarrier to smoke]
IPIggy Pop
Man... this is ridiculous... God, it's so frickin' cold, man...
[The Cigarette he pulls out bears the face of his former Master, David Bowie]
DBDavid Bowie-Cigarette
Hullo. I'm David Bowie.
IPIggy Pop
What the...
[David shapeshifts back into his old body and clobbers Iggy with a right hook]
Make way for the Homo Superior!
(Dean, in a hallucination, frees child orphan laborers and begins destroying the engine they were powering)
Run, orphans! Be free! And have your own room! And maybe not have to live in fear of costumed guys trying to kill you all the time! And there are no yetis freaking out on you or, like, putting you on a rocketship! Run to a place where your father won't make you get in a fight with a venus flytrap that walks and, with a gun!
(The Monarch's joystick stops working)
What's going on? I've got no go here!
CNCocoon Navigator
Um, here's something. We just lost power...like, uh, all of it.
Where'd it go?
CNCocoon Navigator
Oh, oh, I don't know...uh, somewhere? Uh...it's not in the engine.
What?!? Someone get down to engine room and find out what the hell happened!
CNCocoon Navigator
Oh no, no way...that place is spooky.
You...pay these people?
(quietly) Uhhhh, you wanna...see my escape cocoon?
(Hank watches the fight between Phantom Limb and David Bowie)
Whoa, check it! That's, like, Dracula versus Yoda in there!
I'm fine! I was pinned under... I think it's Phantom Limb's leg...
Give it here! I want to kick his smug, limey face in with it.. (Monarch notices David Bowie moving into earshot as he said "limey") ....oh.....
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Venture Bros. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.