Hero formerly known as Wonderboy quotes from The Venture Bros.

I think a good way to begin is to tell Rusty a bit about yourselves and your journey to the group.

Me first? Well, I have a bit of an eating disorder...

No!

Lance, wait your turn.

As a superhero sidekick, I led a very active, athletic lifestyle. But when I turned eighteen, and I was, shall we say, "replaced with a newer model," I started putting the weight on. And then I would eat more because I was depressed. (The Doctor prompts him to continue.) And...I have abandonment issues? More?

Tell Rusty your name.

Oh, well, that's a tricky one! The latest development in my caped crusade against Captain Sunshine's lawyers is that I get to keep most of the costume, but I'm no longer allowed to call myself Wonderboy when I appear in public.

Lance...

Our turn? Lance Hale, one half of the world-famous Hale Brothers. Boy detectives. You've heard of us. Anyway, we're here because my allegedly twin brother Dale still hasn't gotten over our father's death.

I can still see his face through the steam of his pooling blood as he lay sputtering on the cold linoleum floor...

(punches Dale in the arm) Punch-buggy depressing! Nobody wants to hear that crap, Dale! Heheh, sorry. We didn't just lose our dad that night. His death remains our only unsolved case ever. We had to quit the business because the shame was just too great.

Action Johnny

Yeah, retiring at thirty on daddy's famous fortune must've been real hard on you...

For your information, Action Junkie, he bequeathed most of it to the local boy detective academy. We hardly got dick because nothing we ever did was good enough!

He did leave us that nice car...

It's totally fuckin' cherry! But that is not the point, Dale, and don't interrupt me again, or I swear to God I will fuck you up...

Action Johnny

My dad's lab was like a pharmacological candy store, so I started real young. Next thing I know, I'm blowing lines of voodoo powder off the back of a monkey's paw I bought in Calcutta. Now I'm all out of wishes.

I wasn't even allowed to wear long pants until I left for college. Is it any wonder I didn't lose my virginity until I was over 20?

So dumbass here is so freaked out by the mess, he forgets twenty years of detective training and actually picks up the shotgun with his bare hands. Well, I just instinctively reached out to stop him, of course. And so...that's how both our sets of prints ended up on the murder weapon.

I tried to be good, I just couldn't help myself sometimes. When I see a giant robot I just get so mad, I wanna beat them up! And then I wanna burn them! Sometimes I wanna burn the whole world!

I mean, I can't even get an erection now unless I'm tied to a chair with a time bomb taped to my chest.

Hey, Johnny.

Action Johnny

Hey, Francis. You're in my way, there.

You've been banned, Junkie! Get out before I throw you out!

Hey, you mess with one boy adventurer, you mess with all of us!

I think they were hoping you'd say that...

Action Johnny

(noticing a cold sore on the Bouncer's lip.) Looks like you got a bit of herpey on your lip. You been kissin' your wife's ass? After I put herpey in there?