Hank Venture quotes from The Venture Bros.

Hank

Are you okay? Dr. O said probably insane now and that you'll never be the same.

Are you kidding? Okay, I'm just turning 16 and having a birthday pool party. My father invites every girl he knows, and I'm not talking about girls my age. No, not Jonas. He invites Playboy Bunnies and models and, I think, actual whores—you know, real prostitutes. So there I am in my giant bathing suit with nervous puberty oozing out of my gigantic pores. Just—just awful. So, the band suddenly stops playing and I hear "and now the man of the hour, Rusty Venture!" All eyes on me, right? Then suddenly, almost predictably, the Action Man shoots my groin with a shrink ray right as that fucking jackass Colonel Gentleman pulls my shorts down.

Hank

Wow. That's like a nightmare.

Oh, no! No! What I went through today was "like a nightmare." What happened when I was 16, that is my life.

Dean

What does she see in him?

Who, her dad!

Dean

No, that Raven kid. Her boyfriend.

Hank

Oh, lets see now. He’s super handsome, I can say that, he’s got cool hair, cool clothes, and worse of all, he’s a cyborg.

Dean

No, I asked, she said that they’re just crutches.

Hank

Oh, even worse, that means he’s a cripster, dude. He’s rocking a hipster angle and a sympathy angle all-in-one. There’s no way you can compete with that.