The Thick Of It · 395 quotes(And now, Nick Hanway, a government press relations officer, is entering his way into Malcolm's office.)
(seeing Nick enter) Oh, Nice Nutter Nick!
What was all that about?
(standing up again) Just, you know, putting out a fire.
Definitely out?
Definitely out. Pissed out. Steam and cinders, pal. Does Tom know you're here?
Yeah, of course, yeah.
So how's the rebrand going?
Okay, we've, um, booked him for a photo op on Tuesday. He's taking the family to a Harvester.
(chuckling) Oh, Jesus Christ, really?
Yeah.
(jokingly as a reporter) "Have you been to a Harvester before, Prime Minister?" (and now as Tom) "No, in fact, I've never actually been outside the fucking house with my family before."
Anyway, um, look...do you know the name of the bod who's booked to go on Today in the morning?
Sure, yeah. Do you know?
Yeah, we just found out. So -- you know who it is?
Well, of course I know. I mean, there's nothing that you know that I don't know. I'm Dr. Fucking Know.
Who is it?
Is this, are you...Are you testing me now? Is it, 'cause I mean, I could test you. I mean, we could have a big match or testostethon. I mean, how do I know that you've got the fucking name, anyway?
Because Hugo at Today told us.
Right.
(A bit of a pause...)
So what name have you got?
(Another hide-and-seek pause...)
Dan Miller.
Oh, okay, so you do know.
Of course I fucking do.
Look, um, Tom's announcing his team in the morning, and I've just got to stop Dan Miller announcing his team two hours before we announce ours, so...if you want to get on the bus, that's...
That is my mission? You, Mr. Nutty Bar, have given me a task? Jesus Christ, who the fuck does Tom think he is?
The next Prime Minister of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, Malcolm.
(And with that cool, steely-eyed shot, Nick gets ready to leave Malcolm's office...but Malcolm isn't done with Nick yet.)
Nick. (beat) Tell the mighty fucking Tom that his transition will be as smooth as a Brazilian's fuckh--
(But just before Malcolm can finish his comeback retort to Nick, Jamie enters the office from out of nowhere and interrupts the party.)
(to Malcolm and Nick) Oh! Trinny and Susannah! Well I'm sorry to burst into your little fucking boutique, but you've got a fight on your hands. That's all I'm saying. I'm backing a rival candidate, (to Malcolm) so fuck you, (to Nick) and fuck you and your Nutter coronation 'cause it ain't happening.
So you're backing Dan Miller, are you?
No, I'm not backing Dan Miller! Don't you fucking ever ask me a question again!
Fatty?
Oh aye, Fatty, yeah, wee Spider-Man pyjamas, fucking idiot. From now on, it's a proper fight: it's a pub fight, Motherwell rules, and Tom is gonna get a pint glass in his fucking eye, and a pool cue up his arse, and another pool cue in his other fucking eye!
Geoff Holhurst.
Oh, what, Mr Baby New Potato Head? Fuck off.
