The Raccoons quotes

(to Bentley) The point is, the only thing you're running away from is yourself. And that doesn't work, because no matter where you go, there you are. I want to tell you a story about a kid I knew. He ran away once. He thought he could make it on his own without friends. Without parents. Without a home. You know what...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've heard it all before! He ended up poor and homeless, right?

Wrong! He's a millionaire. But there were a lot of lost and lonely years before he made it. And nice as money is, it can't buy back those years. Am I getting through?

I... I guess so.

You might think you're tough and brave running away, but believe me, it takes more courage to face up to your mistakes. Turn back while there's still time. Don't be like the kid in the story, Bentley.

Was that kid... you, Mr. Sneer?

What do you think of the Standard's new slogan? "The Standard meets the standard"!

Bert

Well, I've heard better.

I'll work on it.

(About Cyril's bears striking) But sir, the bears provide all the cheap menial labour around the place.

No problem. You menials are cheaper. You can pick up the slack.

That's what we were afraid of.

Melissa

Ralph, you're forgetting that the Standard was nominated for what it is. Not what you'd like it to be.

Melissa

Ralph Raccoon, what has gotten in to you? You can't treat your friends that way just because you want to win a newspaper award!

Melissa, I'm a professional. I've been nominated editor of the year, and if I can't depend on my staff to turn the Standard into the best paper ever printed, then...

Melissa

If you keep this up, you won't have any staff!

Have you got those photos yet, Melissa or do I have to do that to?

Melissa

They're in the camera, Ralph. I know you want the photos done properly, so you can develop them yourself!

Oooh! Melissa, wait! Waah.. oof (Ralph trips on an ink puddle) All right then, I WILL do it myself and it'll be the best issue of the standard ever!

Oh no! The paper! I must have slept right through!

Bert

Don't worry Ralphie boy, it's all under control. Care for a copy of the early edition?

You mean you worked all night after I was such a...

Bert

Pain?

Melissa

Tyrant?

Schaeffer

Ogre?

Yeah... I guess I was. I'm sorry gang. I wanted to win so badly I guess I let things get carried away.

But sir, they did drive a hard bargain!

And I'll drive you to the sausage factory!

My brother? Huh! This guy is about as genuine as a hen's tooth! I know what he's after - my money! I may have a poor memory, but I'd never forget my own brother, and he's not my brother!

We've hit pay dirt fellas! Simon's old trunk!

Now we'll expose that impostor for what he really is!

Yeah, an impostor! And the Boss will give us that raise!

Bert

(disguised as a detective) Well, just the bunch of guys I'm looking for. The name's Warm. Luke Warm.

Oh yeah? Well whatever you're selling, we're not buying!

Bert

I'm looking for the dirt on your new house guest. Get the picture?

No and we don't have time!

Bert

Look, you stooges better start yappin', 'cos I've got some info that could land you in H2O at 212! Get it?

We don't know what you're talking about. Have you ever considered English as a first language?

I've been expecting this kind of unhanded chicanery! In fact, I've had a little quiz prepared just for the occasion. It should prove exactly who you are not!

Pigs

(in unison) All set sir!

Fasten your seatbelt 'Simon', you're in for a bumpy ride! Only my real brother can answer any of these questions! Fire away!

Um, um, what size boots did you used to wear?

Simple. Eight!

Uh, he's right sir!

He is? Well that's a stupid question! Anyone could have guessed that right. Ask him another one!

Er, okay... what colour were your old boots?

No peeking!

Green.

Right again sir.

What? A lucky guess. Give him a tough one this time.

Um, okay, um... did these boots have any buckles?

Is that all you're going to ask him? Questions about boots?! Who cares! Didn't you find anything else in that trunk? ANYTHING AT ALL?

All we got were his boots.

And here's three more! (He proceeds to kick the pigs away)

Cedric, I know I haven't been paying much attention to you lately.

That's alright Pop. I know how much you hate to pay for anything!

Bert

(about Sid Leech, who was exposed after posing as Simon Sneer) An old childhood friend of Simon's! In fact, he and Simon went to school together!

Oh, high school?

Bert

Elementary, my dear Ralph. Elementary! (laughs)

We're going to surprise you with voices from your past. You must identify these voices. Listen to their stories about your life, and answer their questions. You ready Cyril?

I'm ready alright! Ready to leave! This is the dumbest idea for a gameshow I've ever heard of!

And each correct answer earns you $10,000!

Hah! (He rushes back) What are you waiting for?