Kirsten Cohen quotes from The O.C.

Julie

I made a mistake, Kiki... A naked mistake.

Kirsten

Excuse me?

Julie

A hundred years ago, a boyfriend convinced me to let him film me. In the act. I was young, living on rum, and I needed the money.

Seth

[to Sandy and Ryan] I think I should head down to prison with you guys and take the day off school. We all know I've have some....behavioral issues this year and I think prison might be...just the thing to scare me straight.

Kirsten

Nice try. [throws Seth an apple, which he catches] Get to school.

Kirsten

For your punishment, I control the radio on the way home.

Carter

No. No one who has won on American Idol ever sings in my car.

Kirsten

How many wines have we tasted?

Carter

According to my notes [checks notes], I stopped taking notes.

Kirsten

Should we fire ourselves for drinking on the job?

Carter

Drinking was the job. And I did my job really well, because I'm hammered.

Sandy

I love my mother. Who else would?

Kirsten

That's terrible!

Sandy

You wouldn't say the same thing about your dad.

Sandy

Do you think I look at all like Tony Blair?

Kirsten

Uh, you have nicer hair.

Sandy

Thank you. Good hair. Leader of Great Britain. I would call it a wash.

Julie

Oh, my gosh. How much vodka did you put in this?

Kirsten

Normal amount. Little less.

Sandy

Look, we want to go away for the weekend, and if we can't trust you by yourselves, you're gonna have to stay with your grandfather. Which means you'll be spending the weekend with Julie Cooper.

[look at each other] You can trust us.

Sandy

Good, now go do your homework.

Sandy

[out of the boys' earshot] Nothing like a little Julie Cooper to strike terror in the hearts of children everywhere.

Kirsten

[smirks] Very impressive!

Kirsten

So your Grandpa's broke.

Seth

Ryan and Marissa don't go to school any more.

Ryan

Jimmy Cooper just sailed out of town again.

Seth

I got two months of detention.

Sandy

That's the great thing about this place. Nothing ever happens.

Ryan

Where's all the cereal?

Kirsten

Oh, I guess we're out.

Seth

There's no bagels either.

Kirsten

I thought we'd try something new.

Seth

Mom, listen to me. I know this whole "Cooking with Kirsten" thing is helping you keep focused. But you can not preempt a man's regularly scheduled breakfast. It is a sacred routine.

Sandy

Honey, this homemade pah tai is delicious, keep cooking like this we'll save a bundle on takeout.

Kirsten

Oh thank you. I hope everybody likes it, i used tofu instead of shrimp.

Marissa

Its fine by me, i think I've kinda gone off of seafood for a while.

Sandy

I for one I love the tofu, tofuna, tofurkey, tobagel with cream tocheese. (Looks around) Too much.

Seth

It was a valiant effort.

Kirsten

You know, you're gonna be exposed to a lot of new things in college next year.

Seth

Yeah, horny coeds and alcohol poisoning.

Sandy

Well, you've beaten the Sandy Cohen mind-melt. I was hoping if we gave you the space you needed, you'd realize that this is not the answer to your problem.

Ryan

Yeah? Maybe my problem doesn't have an answer.

Kirsten

Sure it does, Ryan. You keep out of trouble until you graduate, at the very least you'll end up at a good community college.

Sandy

Yeah, you'll post of couple of semesters of good work then you could transfer to a four-year school.

Ryan

Yeah, if you come from my family, it's not so easy.

Sandy

We're your family now.

Ryan

I may not be an Atwood anymore but I'm not a Cohen either. I don't know what I am.

Kirsten

So you're gonna figure it out lost at sea.

Ryan

Lost at sea, lost on my own, what's the difference, right?

Sandy

You mark my words, this will be the best Christmukkah ever. [kisses Kirsten]

Kirsten

You're beginning to sound like Seth.

Sandy

Well, it just means you'll listen less when he's gone.

Kirsten

[grins] Ohhh, the boys have poster boards and paint!

Sandy

I love student activism.