Sandy Cohen quotes from The O.C.

Sandy

Joan, tell me you didn't order those napkin rings? This is not a mob wedding.

Sandy

Okay, folks, here's a beautiful Erté-esque statue. Yes, indeed. Very fetching. What do we start the bidding at? $75. I guess it's very "esque"... more "esque" than Erté.

Sandy

[to Kirsten] I'm an expert of fighting with your father. And believe me, every time you think you've driven him away, he comes roaring back asking for more - you couldn't beat him off with a stick.

Sandy

Caleb Nichol was not a man of many words. He was, however a brilliant man. He leaves a legacy of possibility. But his true achievements were his children. He was a caring father, a wonderful grandfather... a truly terrible father-in-law. So he may be gone, but he won't soon be forgotten. So rest in peace, Cal. And, if you can't do that... I'm sure heaven could use a few more McMansions.

Sandy

A good cause, poor odds, a chance to ruffle some Newpsie feathers? How could I say no.

Sandy

A Cohen in the Ivy League. You did the work but I think our genes deserve some of the credit.

Sandy

Excuse me, forgive me, but I'm a very proud father, and I, I want to say a few words. I think I can speak for Kirsten and the other parents here tonight, when I tell you kids how thrilled we are to share this wonderful touchstone with you (applause). I know the last few years have been a little rough for us (everyone groans and laughs). There's been tragedy, and comedy, and first loves, and broken hearts. Family members were lost, and found. It hasn't all been perfect, but we're all family here. So cheers.

Sandy

[to Kirsten] Our yin and yang style of parenting has produced two pretty good kids.

Sandy

The minute you were born, I knew that I would never take another easy breath again without knowing that you were safe.

Seth

So, I'm like asthma?

Sandy

It's gonna be ok.

Ryan

[scoffs, sarcastically] My mom ditched me, I burned your wife's house down, how is this gonna "be ok"?

Sandy

Wow! You're all set up for your Newpsie convention! Hey, when do these vultures land?

Kirsten

Soon, and I'm sure that I have a doily out of place somewhere.

Sandy

Good. Gives them something to talk about.

Jimmy

You know how long it's been since I had steak? I live with three vegetarians.

Sandy

You know how long it's been since we had beer in the house? I am so sick of chardonnay and merlot.

Kirsten

Maybe you guys can make peace this weekend.

Sandy

Okay. Oh, no, no wait. I can't. I'm still Jewish. Just gettin' it out of my system. I promise.

Kirsten

I wonder what his new girlfriend's like.

Sandy

I am sure she is very well paid. I am on fire.

Caleb

You have a quick wit, Seth. Amazing you're not better at skirt-chasing.

Seth

If by "skirts" you mean girls in your outdated cowboy-speak, I have a little news for you. Turns out somebody has a date to your party. And it's not a big deal or anything, but if you must know, Summer asked me.

Sandy

Summer. Wow. Summer's hot.

Seth

You did not just say that.

Sandy

If you can't tell your dad, who can you tell?

Seth

Gee, I don't know. Ryan, Mom, that tree over there.

Sandy

You're gonna miss me when I'm gone.

Seth

When are you leaving?