Seth Cohen quotes from The O.C.

Ryan

What's with all the questions?

Seth

Nothing, I'm just trying to exhaust your issues so we can get to mine.

Seth

Did you just wack me with your tuba?

Summer

Did you just jab me with your pegleg??!

Seth

It was a tap, you little wacker.

Summer

It was a jab, you little jabber.

Seth

If any of you were remotely Jewish, I would just say we could pool our bar mitzvah money, but... Holy crap, that's it.

Summer

What's it?

Ryan

No, no, no, no, no.

Seth

Yes.

Ryan

No way, dude.

Seth

Yes way, dude.

Ryan

I'm sorry, I can't. I'm not having it.

Summer

Having what?

Seth

A bar mitzvah.

Summer

Ryan gets a bar mitzvah. Now that is funny.

Ryan

Yeah. Summer's laughing.

Seth

No, that's just gas.

Seth

Now, listen to me. This wouldn't be an ordinary bar mitzvah. You know what this would be? Wait for it... A Chrismukkah bar mitzvahkkah. Spell that, dude.

Ryan

That's crazy.

Seth

Yeah, so crazy it just might work.

Ryan

So, how's this going to work? I'm just going stand in front of Newport and sing Hebrew?

Seth

You chant. And hell, yes.

Sandy

Ryan doesn't wear glasses.

Seth

He does when he's reading from right to left.

Summer

Look at the branch species. It's like Swiss cheese! Can it withstand heavier ornaments?

Marissa

[watching Summer choosing trees] So that's a pastime.

Ryan

[deadpan] Why not? We've been here three hours.

Seth

Hey, get in the spirit man. It's Christmukkah. I love Christmukkah.

Marissa

[smirks] So we've heard.

Seth

Seriously, the best thing I've ever done. The Jewish boy wants Christmas. I gave myself that.

Summer

If we're gonna launch a successful campaign to get Marissa back into Harbor, we have to find someone who can organize the masses. Someone whom you'll follow, you know, into battle.

Seth

Meet General Townsend.

Summer

Affirmative.

Seth

Oh my god, Kaitlin Cooper?

Kaitlin

Weird neighbor kid, hi.

Seth

You have uhh... You've grown...

Kaitlin

Boobs?

Summer

Ready to go? It's the third day of the Pride and Prejudice miniseries in English class.

Seth

Summer, the show you are about to see has all the makings of a classic Jane Austen novel. It's got sisters, lies and bosoms.

Seth

Marissa, I'm gonna need to borrow you for a second, 'cause, we're gonna have to work on Summer's birthday present.

Marissa

Her birthday's not for like eight months.

Seth

What to get the girl who has everything? We need to plan early.

Seth

Summer found my stash.

Ryan

You don't have any visible bruises. She... did she go for the kidneys?

Seth

Trust me, man, no girl wants to be alone on Valentine's Day.

Ryan

And you know this because?

Seth

Because inside my manly exterior beats the heart of a 14-year-old girl.

Ryan

I guess you don't remember me saying 'small'.

Seth

I did, I chose to ignore it.

Seth

Ugh. Get a room.

Sandy

Hey, count your blessings. Kids with affectionate parents

Summer

What does she see in that guy? He's so dirty and greasy.

Seth

He's got good abs. Women like abs. I got a six-pack myself. I know.

Summer

Oh, Cohen, those are your ribs.