Seth Cohen quotes from The O.C.

Seth

As your brother, your other brother who is less related to you, I officially have your back.

Ryan

[deadpan] Thanks man.

Seth

[to Sandy and Ryan] I think I should head down to prison with you guys and take the day off school. We all know I've have some....behavioral issues this year and I think prison might be...just the thing to scare me straight.

Kirsten

Nice try. [throws Seth an apple, which he catches] Get to school.

Seth

You seem different. You seem like...um––

Zach

Like I'm vibrating in a very high frequency.

Trey

Just ah, something I picked up in prison.

Seth

Ah yeah, the old scallion and chiv omelet. I've seen Lock Up. Stallone's finest work since Over the Top.

Trey

Stallone, huh? Eh, I'm more of a Van Damme fan.

Ryan

What, are you kidding me? Seagal, man.

Seth

Yeah, a divided house cannot eat. Now we all gotta get together between a single action hero.

Summer

You guys bringing back the comic book?

No! No. Goodness gracious no!

Seth

It's a graphic novel. It's totally different.

Summer

Cohen learned how to grill this summer. It's a major life achievement.

Seth

That's right. I grilled some corn, I grilled some veggies, I found something in Marissa's fridge, I just-- I grilled it.

Ryan

I think when the cops showed up and went to put the cuffs on Marissa he [Trey] did what he had to do to stop them.

Seth

What makes you say that?

Ryan

I was about to do the same thing.

Seth

Yeah, sure. The compulsive need to rescue Marissa Cooper must be in the Atwood DNA.

Ryan

That would explain a lot.

Seth

Are you thinking of going undercover? A high school sting operation? Because that would be very 21 Jump Street of you.

Ryan

Whatever it takes.

Seth

Yeah, okay. I get to be Richard Grieco.

Seth

I don't believe it, Ryan. Bright Eyes has two albums in the top ten.

Ryan

You okay with that?

Seth

Yeah. I just feel like the rest of the world's finally caught up to me. It's a little bit scary.

Ryan

Yeah, it's a lot scary.

Seth

Tell me I'm still special.

Seth

I can't believe she beat me.

Ryan

I can. Can we eat now?

Seth

Absolutely not. I won't go down like that. These people look up to me. I'm like a god to them.

Seth

So what kind of dancing are we talking about? A little Jazz Step, a little Soft Shoe?

Actually, it's not quite a dance contest.

Seth

It isn't?

No.

Ryan

She's got whipped cream, Seth.

Seth

Yeah, I know. Maybe she's... baking a cake.

See, I'm gonna cover myself with whipped cream, and you're gonna lick it all off and eat a cherry out of my mouth before any of the other contestants.

Seth

Did she say "cherry"?

If we win, it would mean so much to my grandma. Not having to worry about my college loans. With all the money she spends on medication.

Seth

Yeah. It's for Grandma.

[on the phone] Sethelah.

Seth

Nanelah.

Seth

All this time I thought you were a nice guy.

Zach

Wake up, I'm a water-polo player, we're never nice guys.

Ryan

What time is it?

Seth

It's 5:30... ish.

Ryan

You're showing up earlier and earlier.

Seth

Yeah, well, we have a lot of ground to cover. So I figured, since we're both up, we may as well get a jump on it.

Seth Cohen's a tool!

Seth

Okay. I know I'm not who you all imagined as prom king, seeing as how I'm not who any of you actually voted for. But she's the queen, and I love her. So I guess that makes me the king.

Summer

Cohen?

Seth

No, I'm just the guy standing next to you. You're the queen, all right? I'm the jester, perhaps, if that works. So let me ask you this, Your Highness: what can I do to make it up to you?

Summer

Well, you can start by dancing with me.

But he's a tool!