Bob quotes from The Oblongs

Bob

Sheriff, with all due respect, you can't just show up and commandeer our toilet.

Sorry, law of eminent domain. [pinches Pickles' butt]

Pickles

Hey!

Eminent domain.

Tune in at eleven, when we'll be talking to the next door neighbor of the man who made the velvet box the locket came in.

Bob

Hm. I'm...sure they'll be back.

Pickles

Yeah, right.

Chip

Why does there have to be beautiful people anyway?

Bob

So the people who aren't beautiful will know who to follow. It's all part of God's great plan.

Bob

Pickles, did you forget Beth again?

Pickles

I could have sworn she drove us home!

Pickles

Bravo, baby, bravo.

Bob

Thank you dearest, we aim to please. Or as the French say: "AWOOGA!"

Pickles

Eighteen years of marriage and we've never missed a night.

Bob

Or morning, haha. Goodnight my love.

Pickles

Rise and shine me!

Bob

James, you dog. So who's the lucky gal?

I don't know, she hasn't been delivered yet.

Bob

Oh, James, you can't marry a baby.

No, she's a mail-order bride, silly. I bought her on Ebay, I'm giving her this tomorrow. It's one of those cloudy yellowy diamonds that women love.

Bob

James, I'm very happy for you. I only hope your marriage is as wonderful as mine and Pickles.

Thanks, Bob. Hey, you're comin' to my bachelor party night, right? The whole gang will be there!

Bob

What gang?

The one I bought on Ebay. Steve99@xcom, Packerfan@tetnet...

Bob

Sounds like a super giant gasser. Hey, I have some funny napkins I can bring.

Bob

[Gasps] Good lord, that woman has no blouse on. [Gasps] My god, she's making it worse!

Bob, this is a strip joint.

Bob

A what? I thought it was a colonial-themed steakhouse.

Hear ye, hear ye. Let's give it up for our great patriot Lady Amber from the county of Cleavage as she declares independence from her knickers.

Oof, that's nasty. Well, no sex for a couple of weeks.

Bob

A couple of weeks! But my wife and I have never missed a night.

Then what the hell were you doing in a strip joint, you filthy pig?!

Bob

It's really none of your...you know, your bedside manner could use a little work.

Sorry.

This ought to gross them out on the internet.

Pickles

Who is she? I know you're having an affair, Bob. That's why you won't make love to me.

Bob

An affair? That's crazy.

Pickles

Don't screw with me, Bob, I bit off a nun's ear. Now tell me the truth.

Bob

OK! I'll tell you! I went to James' bachelor party and a stripper stepped on...your buddy!! I'm a filthy pig!

Pickles

Awww, Bob, I don't care about that.

Bob

But.. I'm a dirty birdy.

Pickles

Yeah but you're my dirty birdy. Now let's never use that phrase again.

Bob

Uh Pickles, we still can't have relations for a while.

Pickles

Oh right. Well, we can do without sex. After all we have a very rich relationship.

Bob

That we do, sugar lumps.

Pickles

I mean two weeks isn't that long.

Bob

Nah.

Pickles

Gimmie sex! Gimmie sex!

Bob

Ahh! No means no! No means no!

Pickles

Bob, what's happening to us? We used to have so much fun together.

Bob

We're eating soup with garlic croutons. What do you want, woman?

Pickles

Well, let's go out on the town. We can call another couple and double date.

Bob

The only couple I know are James and his fiancee. I don't how much fun she'll be, though. She's dead... and Canadian.

Maybe you could give me some marriage advice?

Bob

Sure. Never let a stripper clog dance near your dingle.

Are there two g's in 'dingle'?

Pickles

What's all that racket?

Bob

The kids are drowning, baby.

Bob

I may not have arms and legs, but I have the one part of a man that truly matters, and it's huge.

I'd like to see that.

Me too.