Pickles quotes from The Oblongs

Pickles

There ya go. Now it's a ham bucket.

Pickles

Either I'm really smashed or you and your friends look exactly alike!

Pickles

[talking about Milo & Beth fighting over the remote] There's only one way to settle this.

Pickles

Beth, Milo, you both have to fight for it! To distribute the height differences, Beth, you can use a sock full of nickels!

Pickles

Bitch gotta go.

Pickles

The captain of the SS Woman is on the bridge. [blowing horn sound] All hands on me!

Pickles

Hello, Pristine.

Pickles, fabulous to see you! Love your hair, where'd you buy it?

Pickles

Off some whore. I think it was your mother.

Well, gotta run. I don't want my daughter and her friends exposed to a drunken hose-bag. Oh, my gosh, did I say that out loud?

Pickles

[takes out license plate that says Debbie] Look! A novelty license plate that says Debbie! [all the Debbies and Pristine tackle for it]

Milo said he's not going to school today.

Pickles

Beth, honey, nobody likes a tattletale.

Bob

I do. They're an essential part of any family. You keep right on tattling, sweetie pie.

Daddy has a magazine with naked ladies hugging.

Bob

Ehh, criminy.

What are you doing?

Pickles

Burying beer. Ah crud, that means I drank gopher poison.

Bob

[about Mrs. Hubbard] Good lord. That old biddy is nuts.

Pickles

Bob, she's right here.

Bob

Where are all our customers? Surely everyone saw the one-line advertisement I placed in the "et cetera" section of our local PennySaver.

Maybe they don't want to smell like flowers and pork.

Pickles

That's their problem. I think it's two great smells that smell great together.

Biff

Man, I wish we could eat decent food like this every day.

Pickles

I wish you could too, but that would involve me and the kitchen, and I'm just not seeing it.

But I haven't grown in two years. [points to growth] Well, unless you count this.

Pickles

Hey, if I came up with a few more fashion ideas, I could get enough money to buy the school's stove.

Promise you won't forget about this when the martinis wear off.

Pickles

Oh, kids, they never wear off!

Pickles

Fifty bucks.

Helga

Fiddy bones? I ain't got that kind of scratch. I work for a living, lady.

Pickles

For Milo's little friends, they're on the house.

But they'll cheapen the coolness factor.

Pickles

Do you want another spanking like last night?

Mom, that wasn't me. That was Dad.

Pickles

That's none of your business.

Pickles

Here, take this and go get me 50 buckets and 50 yams!

HAMS, mom! Who would wear a yam?!

I know about the attitude, but how do I not care about what people think?

Pickles

Well, I have a great husband and great kids and you all think I'm cool.

Are you saying I should marry Dad?

Bob

You just ruined what could have been a very poignant family moment.

Pickles

Should we hug anyway?

I don't care.

Pickles

That's my boy.