Bob quotes from The Oblongs

Bob

[to Milo] Son, you know you're forbidden to handle anything sharper than a boiled egg!

Bob

Dagnabbit, I'm still riddled with tartar!

Bob

That's right!

Bob

Morphine... what a rascal!

Bob

Ah, I beseech, my lady. My fair wife wouldn't approve. Ah, careful there, my family jewels are on the dance floor. Uh miss, your clogs are getting awfully close to my-- [sound of foot stomping, followed immediately by Bob screaming in pain]

Milo said he's not going to school today.

Pickles

Beth, honey, nobody likes a tattletale.

Bob

I do. They're an essential part of any family. You keep right on tattling, sweetie pie.

Daddy has a magazine with naked ladies hugging.

Bob

Ehh, criminy.

Biff

[referring to Scottie] What's wrong with him?

Bob

He's a narcoleptic.

Chip

An undercover drug agent?

Bob

Uh, sure, fine. Run.

Bob

[about Mrs. Hubbard] Good lord. That old biddy is nuts.

Pickles

Bob, she's right here.

Bob

Pickles is right. Milo has too much sense to take drugs.

Wow, I've never seen so much crack. [cut to shot of Milo looking at Mikey's butt]

Bob

Milo; No more fooling around. I want you to take me to your drug stash.

Okey-doke.

Bob

Not your prescription drugs; I'm talking about the bad kind.

Dad, there's enough in there to drop Elvis.

Bob

Parent-teacher night is two hoots and a sock full of yowzas!

Chip

How do you survive in the world?

Bob

It's probably best not to wear those today, son. It's raining cats and dogs outside.

Oh, no!

Bob

Actually, it's raining rain. I'm just busting your chops.

Bob

Where are all our customers? Surely everyone saw the one-line advertisement I placed in the "et cetera" section of our local PennySaver.

Maybe they don't want to smell like flowers and pork.

Pickles

That's their problem. I think it's two great smells that smell great together.

I know about the attitude, but how do I not care about what people think?

Pickles

Well, I have a great husband and great kids and you all think I'm cool.

Are you saying I should marry Dad?

Bob

You just ruined what could have been a very poignant family moment.

Pickles

Should we hug anyway?

I don't care.

Pickles

That's my boy.

Pickles

Come on, Mikey, get those hips into it! Whoo!

Bob

Sweetie, the-- a wasp's nest...isn't really a proper piñata.

Pickles

Bob, I'm entertaining on a budget here.

[being stung by wasps] The candy's stinging me!