Susie quotes from The Oblongs

[after getting caught setting fire to the clubhouse] I have a problem.

[To Milo, while wearing a frilly dress] You cruel bastard.

This is just donkey's blood... [tastes blood] She-donkey.

[picks up hula hoop] Weeee. [in an attempt to use it, it falls to the ground. Everyone stares] What? I can't have fun?

I can't wait to get back to school and resume learning!

Helga

I can't wait 'til you drown in your saliva.

Drowning is my third favorite way to die. But, they are all good.

[pulls a set of keys from his buttocks] Hey, I found my mom's car keys in my butt flaps.

May I help you?

Uh, could you suggest anything that will take attention away from my buttocks?

A world war?

Helga

HA! You're funny! You're also old.

Soon, you will be dead. Then we dig up your grave and make your corpse do embarrassing things, à la Weekend at Bernie's.

Helga

[about Milo's sports drink, Manic] Looks like pee, tastes like crap!

Maybe we shouldn't say "Tastes like crap."

Milo, these days you need a slick marketing campaign to succeed.

Pickles

Make a wish!

I wish I was dead...

Milo, if you say it out loud, it won't come true.

Helga! We've gotta do something, or she's gonna drown!

On the bright side, you've already got the bloating part over with.

Helga

[angrily] Thanks. I feel MUCH better.

Can I be the pres-di-dent?

I think you just answered your own question. How about you, Peggy?

Seriously? I'm so psyched and excited you think I have the self-esteem and charisma!

Helga

[covered in saliva] Whoa! Clean up on aisle seven. She's out!

Well, I guess we should just forgot about it.

Then things will never improve. Time will pass, we will die, our hair and nails will continue to go.

Fine, then, I'll do it. I'll run and I'll win!

Milo, no one is going to vote for a kid who wears a helmet in homeroom.

That's just to protect my soft spot. [Helga pokes Milo's head] Great, now I've lost my motor skills. [collapses on the floor]

The meeting will now come to order. I will commence by reading the minutes from last week's meeting followed by Q and A and reports from committees.

Let's light our farts on fire.

Excuse me, but-- [the paper she is holding gets set on fire] That's not in accordance with parliamentary procedure!

I have some new business. The Debbies treat us like dirt. Why don't we elect someone else student council president?

But nobody's ever beat the Debbies.

How do we know unless we try? l mean, you could run, Susie.

No, no. I have a skeleton in my closet. Oh, wait. No, I forgot. I made soup.

Helga, how about you?

Helga

Are you cranked out of your mind? I would never run against my dear bosom friend, Debbie.

Helga, the Debbies hate you.

Eeew, gross!

It's hideous. How long have those mice been loving in your back fat?

Helga

I don't know, but I call the white one Mitzi!

Kids, Milo's made a bomb!

There, there, now, it's just my kettle. The old girl does jabber up a storm. Ahh... jasmine.

He's getting awfully fruity. He's got to get some sleep.

Just not before the crumpets are ready.

Now, now, let 'em cool, you wee buggers.