Pickles quotes from The Oblongs

Pickles

Why can't you be like your brother and QUIETLY read pornography?

Biff

I prefer to stay focused on the manliness of sports. Coach always says heart, obedience, motivation, opportunity... H - O - M - O.

That spells 'homo'.

Biff

You don't know how to spell!

Pickles

Come on, Mikey, get those hips into it! Whoo!

Bob

Sweetie, the-- a wasp's nest...isn't really a proper piñata.

Pickles

Bob, I'm entertaining on a budget here.

[being stung by wasps] The candy's stinging me!

Pickles

[singing; bringing in cake] Happy whatever to whoever, happy whatever to whoever! Mazel Tov!

[tastes the frosting; lurches back in disgust] This cake tastes weird...

Pickles

Well, we didn't have any chocolate icing, so I used deviled ham instead. Enjoy!

Pickles

Make a wish!

I wish I was dead...

Milo, if you say it out loud, it won't come true.

Mom, we've got to get Helga out of the sewer! She's not losing weight! She'll have to live down there and get married down there and have kids down there, then her kids will marry each other and have more kids and they'll be hillbillies in the sewer and the banjo playing will drive us insane!

Pickles

Finally, someone's making sense!

Bob

Sheriff, with all due respect, you can't just show up and commandeer our toilet.

Sorry, law of eminent domain. [pinches Pickles' butt]

Pickles

Hey!

Eminent domain.

Tune in at eleven, when we'll be talking to the next door neighbor of the man who made the velvet box the locket came in.

Bob

Hm. I'm...sure they'll be back.

Pickles

Yeah, right.

Bob

Pickles, did you forget Beth again?

Pickles

I could have sworn she drove us home!

Clean up on aisle nine.

Pickles

[being pinched by lobsters] Get 'em off, get them OFF!!

I have to go to the bathroom!

Chip

In that case, I'm going into a trace. [stares blankly for a moment, and then passes out]

[to Pickles] Mommy, what's a trance?

Pickles

Oh, it's just something your brothers do to give each other privacy.

[to Biff] I really have to go!

Biff

Number one or number two?

A little bit of both!

Biff

[to the others] Good night, folks. [also goes into a trance, and all three collapse on the floor]

[after being crushed beneath the weight of his brothers] This pressure's not helping....

Pickles

Bravo, baby, bravo.

Bob

Thank you dearest, we aim to please. Or as the French say: "AWOOGA!"

Pickles

Eighteen years of marriage and we've never missed a night.

Bob

Or morning, haha. Goodnight my love.

Pickles

Rise and shine me!

Pickles

My Bob isn't attracted to me anymore, Anita.

Let me get you a drink.

Pickles

I'm too depressed to drink. Just give me a beer and a shot.

I'm sure it's nothing to worry about. Bob's probably just having an affair.

Pickles

What?!

Have you noticed any of the telltale signs?

Pickles

Like what?

Oh, like... he's irrepressibly chipper?

Pickles

He sure is.

Stingy with the hugs?

Pickles

You know, I always have to hug 'him'.

Is there a bounce in his step?

Pickles

Oh my god, he HAS been bouncing!

Take it from me, he's chasing strange.

Pickles

Well, no one's stealing the love of my life! I'm going to follow him! [she pauses] What was I going to do?

Pickles

How dare you steal my husband!

Me? I'm married to the Lord.

Hey! I'm married to the Lord.

Oh, no you're not!

Nun pile!

Pickles

Who is she? I know you're having an affair, Bob. That's why you won't make love to me.

Bob

An affair? That's crazy.

Pickles

Don't screw with me, Bob, I bit off a nun's ear. Now tell me the truth.

Bob

OK! I'll tell you! I went to James' bachelor party and a stripper stepped on...your buddy!! I'm a filthy pig!

Pickles

Awww, Bob, I don't care about that.

Bob

But.. I'm a dirty birdy.

Pickles

Yeah but you're my dirty birdy. Now let's never use that phrase again.

Bob

Uh Pickles, we still can't have relations for a while.

Pickles

Oh right. Well, we can do without sex. After all we have a very rich relationship.

Bob

That we do, sugar lumps.

Pickles

I mean two weeks isn't that long.

Bob

Nah.

Pickles

Gimmie sex! Gimmie sex!

Bob

Ahh! No means no! No means no!

Pickles

Bob, what's happening to us? We used to have so much fun together.

Bob

We're eating soup with garlic croutons. What do you want, woman?

Pickles

Well, let's go out on the town. We can call another couple and double date.

Bob

The only couple I know are James and his fiancee. I don't how much fun she'll be, though. She's dead... and Canadian.