Cheese and crackers, I am a dork.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[describing Chelsea Handler to Chelsea Handler] Beautiful and wise, just like my mmm—[clears throat]—you.
RDRowlf the Dog
Who succeeded President William McKinley after he was assassinated in 1901? Hint: it wasn't a dog; canine-Americans still can't hold public office.
Guys, it's a trick question: McKinley's a mountain, not a president, but Mount Rushmore is four presidents; ergo, the answer is President Rushmore!
You are like the Internet.
BBecky
Oh, thank you.
[on a date] So, Chelsea, you strike me as someone who grew up in Livingston, New Jersey, and is the youngest of six children.
Well, you must trust your heart—
Yeah.
—because your heart is never wrong.
That's true.
Yeah, yeah. She got way too physical way too fast. [Rizzo the Rat does a spit-take]
I stand corrected: your heart is very, very stupid.
Hug?
Please. [Kermit and Bobo hug]
Bring it in. There you go. [Uncle Deadly takes a picture with his phone from behind]
I lost a lot of money on the shower gel. Still a mystery to me why nobody bought Hogwash™.
[looking at a bottle of Piggy Water™] "Thirty grammes of fat"? It's water.
[on Up Late with Miss Piggy]
Now, I understand you started out as a child-actor.
JGJoseph Gordon-Levitt
Mm-hmm.
Why'd you give that up?
JGJoseph Gordon-Levitt
Uh…well, I got older.
What, are you crazy? Don't admit that on t. v.
No, no. My nose is the only bone in my body I haven't broken; that's why it looks so good.
JGJoseph Gordon-Levitt
That, my dear prawn, is called acting! You're looking at the guy who played Bruce Willis in the future playing himself in the past!—or something like that; I never really understood the plot.
This is a reference to Looper.
He's on my list.
Piggy, couldn't you give the list a rest? Haven't you ever heard of forgive and forget?
Who said that? Whoever it was, I'm putting them on my list.
ZZoot
Is that the real moon, or just a department-store one?
Ain't no real moon—not since the 70s.
ZZoot
[referring to Floyd Pepper's friend Eddie's time machine] Yeah, he let's me use it on weekends. I climb in there on Friday; when I get out, it's Saturday. The whole thing takes about a day.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Muppets pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.