[yelling up after having fallen down an elevator shaft] I think something's wrong with the elevator.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I can totally soothe that burn with this healing crystal.
So, um, do you snorkel?
Oh, never! Snorkelling is an invasion of fish privacy.
Mmm, yes, which is why I always yell, "Are you decent?" before I jump in the water.
I just want everybody to know that I am fine.
[various Muppets express peace of mind]
ZZoot
Are you sure? You look a little green.
I'm always green, Zoot.
ZZoot
Oh! You look great, then.
I have so many people to thank, um, starting with Great-Grammy Zuzka and her eleven sisters... Katrinka, Madlenka...
All right, Scooter, that's enough. I got to go. [leaves]
And Patoonki! She made good soup...
[to the camera] I can't let Kermit down, he's my father—uh, uh, uh mentor! Mentor! [to himself] "Mentor," "mentor," "mentor."
JBJason Bateman
Oh, hey, Kermit—the Frog.
Jason the Bateman.
My experiments in cryogenics cost me my Chair at Berkley.
Stage lighting, helicopters—they're basically the same thing.
"Hang in there." What do you know about real problems? You're a kitten who's a model!
What is the oldest saying in Hollywood?
Uh…"This is where we should put Hollywood"?
No, "The show must go on."
Well, why would you say that before Hollywood exists?
So, I was thinking, you like Hawaiʻi…I like Hawaiʻi…maybe we…
You're on fire.
Oh, why, thank you. [notices he is literally on fire, exits screaming]
RDRowlf the Dog
Well, when I'm having a tough day, I go home, draw myself a hot bath, get out, run around the house like a maniac, and chew on an old shoe.
[singing "Rainbow Connection"] Why are there so many songs about rainbows?
PPhil
[offscreen, presumably from an adjacent yard] Learn a new song!
Chill out, Phil! [resumes song]
[Chelsea Handler is being interviewed on Up Late with Miss Piggy; Scooter is offstage watching]
CHChelsea Handler
I think I'm looking for—and I'm finally willing to admit it—is just somebody who's nice and has a steady job.
[to himself] Wait, Im a nice guy with a steady job.
CHChelsea Handler
You know, some sweetheart who's thoughtful and optimistic.
[to himself] Oh, my God, she's describing me.
CHChelsea Handler
I guess I'm just looking for a kind, lovable dork.
[to himself] Darn it, so close!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Muppets pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.