Kermit has cooked up some kind of plan to make the Grobans and Piggy fall in love during the music... It's a stupid idea, but I love it. [chuckles] Mostly because I LOVE love...
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Now, I'm not saying that I solved everything because Josh took Piggy to the Peoples' Choice Awards... But if they ever build an Executive Producers' Hall of Fame, I think you'll be entering through the Kermit the Frog Pavilion. I mean, since they've been going out, I've been waking out to the sound of my alarm instead of my own screams! Do you know what that means? For the first time ever, we're at a Code Green! YAAAAAAY!
[on Up Late with Miss Piggy]
Does it make you angry that libraries are giving away your book for free? You make nothing while libraries make millions?
RAReza Aslan
I don't…think that's right.
I totally agree. Libraries have had it too good for too long!
RAReza Aslan
[stunned silence]
Jay Leno's candy dish... Oh, if this candy dish could talk...
Yeah, you would have a talking candy dish, and maybe that would have been impressive, okay.
You're not worried about getting caught? Those rich people have security cameras everywhere!
Yeah, but he wouldn't care about a BOWL. I mean, he probably put it out so I would take it! What about THAT theory, huh? Huh? Huh? Huh?
Quality-wise, the show was prison sushi. But the rest of the day, with Piggy being all chill? That was GAS STATION sushi!
LLips
And we love us some gas station sushi!
Piggy's been so great, I've been skipping my pre-show cry!
YOU pre-show cry? ANIMAL pre-show cry!
[Kermit has just announced that he will be getting rid of Josh Groban despite the rest of the crew's protests]
Hey, there's, like, twenty of us. Why didn't we stop him?
Hmmm... Perhaps our happiness has made us too soft.
Interesting...
[driving around in a golf cart] Sometimes, when I'm really frustrated and need to clear my head, I just get into my golf cart and floor it around the lot. Speed limit's five miles per hour, but I'll go six or seven, I don't care.
Well, uh…have you checked with the band? Uh, I bet they'd, uh, be happy to buy your cookies.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah—those guys are always happy.
Yeah. Legally, now.
[Cut to the Electric Mayhem eating cookies that they just bought from Bobo]
More boxes! More boxes!
More boxes? Screw the mountain bike, my daughter's gettin' a Prius! [chuckles]
She hates surprises! Did you know about this?
Christina Applegate brought in a hilarious clip of Piggy. I knew you wouldn't approve it, so I went over your head.
[scoffs] I'm the boss.
Oh, that's right—so I went behind your back.
[Fozzie has just announced that he is leaving the show to write a movie]
YRYolanda the Rat
[to Kermit] Did you have something to do with this?
What makes you think that?
And it's all thanks to the encouragement of my dear friend!
He's got lots of friends.
Kermit the Frog!
Kermits, like, the third most common frog name in America.
You're a good comedian, but you're not a writer.
So you LIED to me?
I didn't want to hurt your feelings... So please just turn around and come back, okay?
No, no, because I am a writer. You don't have to believe in me; I believe in me! Oh, you see, that-that's good dialogue right there.
Uh, honestly, it's a little contrived. Where are you going, anyway?
Nope, I'm off the grid! And you'll never find me!
FSFozzie's GPS
Turn right at Big Bear Road. In 0.2 miles, your destination is on the left.
[Kermit hears this and begins to write down the address]
That lady's lying! Good-bye! [tries to hang up phone]
Yeah, I'm still here.
Oh yeah? Well, good-bye! [tries to hang up phone again]
Still here.
I don't know how to hang this thing up when it's on the map. This always happens.
Okay, hit the home button, then the phone icon and then the red button.
Okay, home button, phone icon, red button, aaaaaaaaaand... We're at Angry Birds. [sighs]
(to the camera) It's been 30 minutes.
Can I get $7.00 on pump 3, please?
[Pepe, Rizzo and Chip have just discovered an e-mail that Gonzo is sending to a girl]
Look, she's just a girl I met online. It's no big deal.
CChip
Hey, that contradicts a previous e-mail where you described her as a healing ray of sunshine on your wounded soul.
Woo-hoo!
CChip
Busted!
Will you STOP READING MY STUFF?!
Hey, hey, hey, don't yell at the guy, he's trying to fix your computer!
You ever been shot with a tranquilizer dart, Kermit?
Well, no, but I did lick my third cousin once and the walls started melting, so I feel ya, bro.
[after being heckled by Statler] Hey, this is where I make the jokes.
WWaldorf
We're ready when you are.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Muppets pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.