You all wanna see my vanskapkaka?
As long as I don't have to show you mine.
S5 E8Comedy of Errors
[about performing at the comedy club] I couldn't, I'd be up there sweating bullets.
And dodging some.
S5 E9All That Jazz
Dorothy, where I come from you learn never to turn your back on family! NEVER! When your crazy cousin Nunzio started living with his pet goat, did the family turn their back on him? No. And after a couple of nights neither did the goat.
[Talking about raising children] The hardest part for me was explaining to my Kirstin the difference between boys and girls. I knew the time had come but I kept putting it off. Finally I decided it was time to take the bull by the horns.
So you told her?
No - I took the bull by the horns, turned him around and showed her what makes a bull a bull.
You are kidding, Rose?
No! That's how my mother taught me.
Honey, didn't that give you a false impression about...what a man would look like?
It sure did! Can you imagine my surprise on my wedding night with Charlie? [Blanche guffaws] Boy, that bull would have been jealous.
[Rose is upset about work and Dorothy is upset after a falling out with her son Michael] Now look - Rose, stop whining! You know that you're going to have to speak to your boss about your workload. Wallowing in self pity is not going to help!
[walking in] How are you feeling, Dorothy?
[voice breaking] My life is falling apart and now Rose is bothering me!
Dorothy, I'm sorry I bothered you.
I'm sorry I snapped at you, Rose. It's just that I am upset. I AM VERY UPSET!
Are you upset because you don't know what to do about Michael?
No. I'm upset because I can't make any sense out of those commercials for "Obsession".
[about Michael] You just did what you had to!
Blanche, knowing that does not help! I am going crazy wondering where he is- I mean he could be sleeping under a pier for all I know, or in some flophouse or out on the street!
[walking in] Michael called; he's staying with Stan.
OH GOD, IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!
Dorothy, I know you've done the right thing. In the animal kingdom, the whole idea is to teach offspring to fend for themselves. Humans are the only ones who think it's their duty to care for children their entire lives.
You know Rose, sometimes you really say some wise things.
We're also the only species that use corn holders that look like corn on the cob when we eat corn on the cob.
Whoops, spoke too soon.
S5 E10Ebb Tide
[reading the newspaper] Miami will be busy this weekend with ten major conventions. Listen to this. ...the highlight being the Citrus Festival Ball, which is being chaired this year by 35-year-old Blanche Devereaux. How much did that cost you?
I don't have to pay for my compliments!
You went to bed with him.
Twice. But it's not like I wouldn't have anyway.
[off the phone with Virginia, flippant] Oh, it's Big Daddy. He's dead. [walks away]
[at the Hollingsworth mansion]
You are the one who has never been here for the family. You.
I have always been here for this family and how dare you say otherwise!
Everything you do is for Blanche. To tell you the truth, I am surprised that you even made it to the funeral at all.
Maybe you would have been happier if I hadn't!
Maybe not happier, but at least this family would be able to grieve for Big Daddy without wondering what is in it for Blanche!
Oh, fine. Hey, you don't have a thing to worry about. You won't even have to think about Blanche, because if you're going to be at that funeral, I refuse to go! [storms out]
[Sophia hands Rose a note with the explanation regarding Blanche's citrus plate]
I wrote it down. You be Rose, why don't I be Sophia. This is what we'll say right after they walk in the door. [reads] "Hi, Blanche! You look beautiful. Welcome home. I love you."
[reads] "I broke the plate. I'm such a clumsy fool."
Okay, now you can skip down to here.
I'm not gonna do this!
Come on, you gotta! If it's the writing, I can punch it up!
S5 E11Have Yourself a Very Little Christmas
Oh, boy, it is hell out there. It must be 103 and the mall was impossible.
Did you get something for the grandchildren?
Oh, please. You know Robbie wants a Batman hat. I went to six different stores, they were all sold out. I finally went to one store where they had one hat left, and another woman saw it. Ugh! I cannot believe a person would push a perfect stranger out of the way, step on her hand, and give her an elbow to the forehead, just for a Batman hat...but I did it anyway!
RARev. Avery
Before we begin, I'd like to thank you all for taking time off from your own celebrating to provide Christmas for some who are less fortunate. We promise to turn away no one, remembering how Mary and Joseph were turned away at the Inn.
Reverend Avery, it's always puzzled me. WHY didn't Mary and Joseph call ahead for reservations? [Dorothy drops a heavy spoon] Surely they must have realized how hard it is to get a hotel room during the Christmas season.
RARev. Avery
I guess that's one for the theologians, Rose.
You know, I've been thinking.
Oh, that would explain the beads of sweat.
I sure miss a traditional St. Olaf Christmas.
Excuse me, Rose, do we have time to run out and get hit by a bus?
First there'd be the Christmas pageant with the shepherds and the angels, and the Two Wise Men.
There were three wise men, Rose.
Not in St. Olaf. Then we'd all go down to the town square and try to form a circle, and then we'd all go home and smoke kippers.
Why, Rose?
Because it's the best way to get your house to smell like kippers. And then, in keeping with the spirit of Christmas, it was traditional to let all the animals sleep inside that night. And then the next morning the rumors would start... and they'd continue until New Year's, and we'd all make resolutions that it would never happen again. But then the next year, all it took was a little eggnog and one wise guy saying, "What the hell, it's Christmas!"
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.