Oh, I'm sorry, but I can't have any scars. You see, my clothes are all off the shoulder...sooner or later.
S5 E16Like the Beep Beep Beep of the Tom-Tom
DSDorothy, Sophia and Rose
[singing to Blanche as she is wheeled off to surgery] Over there, over there, send the word, send the word, over there, that the Yanks are coming, the Yanks are coming, the drums rum-tumming everywhere. Send a prayer, send a prayer, send the word, send the word, to beware...[An old World War I doughboy comes by and salutes]
Now to lose those four pounds, I guess I'll have to go on a sensible diet that I know gets results - the St. Olaf I-Can't-Believe-This-Is-Cheese diet.
How does it work?
You eat nothing but rice.
That madman wants to rip me open from stem to stern!
Your two favorite parts.
How's Blanche?
She's fine. She'll be up and back on her back in no time.
Sophia, it's been wonderful watching you take care of Blanche all week.
I feel like a regular hospital worker.
Oh, that's nice.
Yeah! I just took all the money and jewelry out of her nightstand.
[storming into the kitchen] Where's my money, old woman?!!
I knew that would get her up. I was born to heal. [hands Blanche back her possessions] Here's your money, and your high school ring, Class of Ni...
[snatching back her ring] Give me that!!
S5 E17An Illegitimate Concern
Rose, no encyclopedia salesman lugs around twenty-six volumes door to door.
Are you kidding? In St. Olaf they carry fifty-two.
Why?
Balance!
Rose, why don't they just carry thirteen in each hand?
[thinks] Excuse me, I have to make a phone call. [leaves]
[dressed as Sonny Bono] Well, Rose, do I look like the mayor of Palm Springs?
Doug Henning is the mayor of Palm Springs?
...Just play the music, Rose.
[sees Dorothy and Sophia in their Sonny and Cher outfits] Oh, for goodness sakes, why you two could be celebrity lookalikes!
Oh, Blanche, honey, you really think so?
Well, absolutely! So, which one's Cheech and which one's Chong?
I'm Sonny Bono, you idiot!
S5 E1872 Hours
Blanche, do you know, at a truck stop in Tuscaloosa they have an egg dish named after you!
Really? How are they prepared?
Over easy.
(Rose sits in the kitchen with Blanche)
Damn it! Why is this happening to me? I mean, this isn't supposed to happen to people like me! You must have gone to bed with hundreds of men!! [she gets up to go to the living room] All I had was one innocent operation!
[getting up to follow Rose] Hey, wait a minute! Are you saying that this should be me and not you?!
No, no. I'm just saying that I am a good person. Hell, I'm a goody-two-shoes!
[sharply] AIDS is not a bad person's disease, Rose. It is not God punishing people for their sins.
[meekly] You're right, Blanche.
Well, you're damn straight I'm right!
I haven't been this scared since 1952, when St. Olaf's most active volcano threatened to erupt. Well, luckily, there was some Druid priests who were in town for the opening of Stonehenge Land. They said they could stop it if they could sacrifice the town's dumbest virgin...I don't know why I raised my hand. It must have just been the excitement of the moment. But they said the only way to prevent the eruption was to crawl through their legs up the volcano while they gave me my birthday whacks. Well, and you're not gonna believe this, it turns out they weren't druid priests at all, just a bunch of shriners looking for a good time.
S5 E19Twice in a Lifetime
Is it possible to love two men at the same time?
Set the scene, have we been drinking?
Ma, we need to talk. I waited up for you until two in the morning, and you still weren't home.
Oh, yea, Gertie and I and some of the girls went to Wolfie's to pick up guys.
I called Wolfie's at 11, you weren't there.
Guess who got lucky?
Oh God!
[after Miles forcefully tells her to stop seeing Buzz] Oh, Miles. I find this side of you very exciting!
Well, it's the jungle cat in me. I try to keep it very carefully hidden, of course.
[smiling seductively] M-R-R-R-OWL!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Golden Girls pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.