[Meanwhile, Adam is playing a video game just as Barry comes to turn it off]
Time to talk bachelor party, best man. Last night, I taped a movie off Cinemax starring Tom Hanks, that forever changed my life... [He shows Adam a videotape saying "Bachelor Party."] "Bachelor Party."
My dad said that movie was a raunchy shlockfest that celebrates the lowest form of comedy.
Your dad knows his stuff. It is brilliant, and I want it to be the blueprint for my zany bachelor party.
AAdam
What exactly do you mean by "zany"?
I'm talking about a giant rager in a hotel suite with sketchy babes, unruly Japanese businessmen, and a beer-guzzling mule that passes out.
AAdam
That sounds very adult.
Exactly! Everyone's saying I'm just a dumb kid who's stupidly getting married. But this party will prove I'm a dumb adult who's stupidly getting married.
That logic kind of tracks.
Thank you, Dave Kimberly.
You think "Kim" is short for "Kimberly"?
I'm certain of it. Get to party planning, boys. No pressure, but my whole marriage depends on it.
AAdam
Don't worry. I will not rest till I throw you the bachelor party in "Bachelor Party."
[This scene cuts to Adam and Dave watching Bachelor Party on TV]
You can't throw him this bachelor party in this movie, man. You can't do it.
There's so much bad language and full-frontal shenanigans.
Why would boyishly lovable Tom Hanks agree to be in this? He's done. He'll never work again.
Barry said this marriage hinges on this! What are you gonna do, bro?
AAdam
I don't know, Dave Kim. I don't know.
AAAdult Adam
[voiceover] It was April 3rd, 1980-something, and my sister's stalled music career was about to get a boost.
Guys, I have insane news! We just got the gig of a lifetime. We're playing the Philadelphia freakin' Spectrum!
The Flyers Wives have this charity where they throw a whole carnival. And we got picked to be the local band to perform live on stage.
AAdam
How did this even happen?
Word of mouth, obviously.
For sure. Also, I submitted a demo.
Oh, my God, Geoff. You are seriously the most amazing boyfriend/band member ever.
You got us our big break, Geoff. You've totally earned it.
Sweet! If there's one thing I know, managing my hot-tempered girlfriend's band could only end well.
AAdam
Problem. This letter's for you and Lainey.
Yeah, I submitted their demo six months ago.
So now they're only getting two-thirds of the band they want? You suck, and you're fired!
Oh, no! This didn't end well at all!
We are so boned! There's no way they'll ever want us to perform now.
VEValley Erica
Like, why not? We still totally rock it hard without Lainey.
It's true. The Dropouts still got the goods. I demand you go for it!
Damn it. Our old but re-hired band manager is right. Our rocket ride to superstardom begins now.
AAdam
You know, I've been dabbling a bit in documentary filmmaking. Maybe I can make a rockumentary about you guys, like U2's Rattle and Hum.
No way, nerd. Oh, wait. Sorry. Force of habit. Yes.
Our fans will for sure want to know how it all started.
AAdam
Sweet! You get to perform for carnies and the Flyers' romantic partners, and I get to film it.
I heard "Flyers" and "carnies." I must be a part of whatever this is.
AAdam
They got a real gig playing The Spectrum.
No, it's none of his business. Just butt out, dude.
Come on! We both know you need my fresh rhymes.
Your garbage rap has no place in a rock band.
So what about when Aerosmith combined their rock with the sick rap stylings of Run-DMC?
Doesn't matter! You're not even in the band.
No, you're not! Stop saying it!
She said it! Adam's got it on tape!
[Adam puts his thumb up]
It's official! I'm in the band.
[Adam has climbed up Dana's trellis to ask her out]
AAdam
Dana Caldwell, would you... [trellis cracks] Uh-oh. [trellis falls down, taking Adam with it] Ahh!
Adult Adam [voiceover]: Unfortunately, I didn't realize I was twice as big.
AAdam
[getting up from his fall] Yeah, I'm okay.
AAdam
I can fix your trellis. Full disclosure, I can't.
The Goldbergs · 125 quotes
