I can't stand the sight of his mole!
You're making a mountain out of a mole, Hil!
S4Take My Cousin -- Please
Geoffrey, fetch me my tools.
You mean your knife and fork?
If you walk out on Scott now this could haunt you for the rest of your life.
What do you mean?
Well, you might never go out again. You'll become one of them crazy old women who walk around all day with a shower cap on, with an ol' raggedy halter top that says "Jam!". Then you gonna start wearing rhinestone gauchos. Then, just for no reason, you'll say "Dum dum de-day!". And you'll be eating neckbone sandwiches all the time and screaming at your lil' imaginary dog, Brutus. And you know what the worst part is?
What?
The only man you'll get is some fool named Grady. He'll be smelling like menthol all the time and falling asleep in his soup.
S4You've Got to Be a Football Hero
Freeze! Will, what the heck do you think you're doing?! You can't drink!
Why not?!
Because you're underage! It's against the law, mister!
Thank you, McGruff the Crime Dog.
Will (to Jackie): You know Hank Farley is not your type. You strip away the shoulder pads, the muscles & the dimples and what you got?
JJackie
You.
S4Twas the Night Before Christening
Geoffrey, I need my Santa suit pressed. We can't have Nicky thinking Kris Kringle doesn't keep a sharp crease.
Oh, but it's all right for him to think Santa's only three feet tall.
S4Sleepless in Bel-Air
Now I know how Captain Ahab felt when he hunted Moby Dick.
Between the two of you sir, is the cricket the whale?
Come on, Daddy, 10 years? The Menendez boys will be out before I am.
The Menendez boys were home by their curfew.
Good night, Geoffrey.
Good night, sir... idiot
Seeing how this is your first real date, I think there's a couple things you need to know. Listen, if you gonna hold the popcorn, you hold it UP in plain sight. So when he go reaching for the bucket, he don't miss, talkin' 'bout, 'oops'.
And stop at that gas station and make sure that tank is full.
And if he tells you to pull his finger, don't do it.
(covering his nose) Oh, man.....
Will, let me tell you a story about The Grasshopper and the Ant.
Carlton, I really don't feel like hearing about you and your little friends, okay?
Just listen. See, the grasshopper goofed off while the ant worked hard storing food for the winter. And when the winter came, the ant had food, but the grasshopper starved to death. You know what the moral of the story is?
Yep, even if we were insects, I'd be bigger than you.
Hey, you wanna hear a little chemistry rhyme?
No, not really.
Here... little Timmy took a drink, but he will drink no more. For what he thought was H2O was H2SO4! That's how I remembered the equation for sulfuric acid.
Look. I got one, I got one. Little Carlton was a boy whose body was short and stumpy. He'd never shut his mouth, so I kicked his little rumpy!
I can't stand it. This chirping is burning a hole STRAIGHT into my skull.
There she blows, capitain! By the table! By the table!
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!
I got him! I killed that little sucker!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.