Ashley's right. What are we fighting about? We all used to love Christmas. Now we take everything so seriously.
S1Deck the Halls
CChadney
We're putting together a program for Jonathan's parents' party tonight.
KKellogg
Jonathan's stepfather is a record producer and he asked us not to do tired old Christmas carols. Here's our program.
[Takes a look at the program] Wait a minute. "You Don't Bring Me Flowers", "People Who Need People", "The Way We Were". Who'll come down the chimney, Barbra Streisand?
JJonathan
You've been to my parents' parties?
Come on, Aunt Viv, this is terrible. I mean, people in Bel-Air don't know how to celebrate Christmas. I'm worried about Ashley.
What do you mean?
Growing up in Bel-Air, she never had a real Christmas. I mean, there's no sledding, there's no caroling... There's no winos making snow angels on the front lawn. I mean, y'all don't even decorate the living room.
Yes, we do. We've already started. The poinsettias, the red candles and here's the beautiful crystal nativity your uncle gave me for Christmas years ago.
Where the little baby Jesus at?
Right there.
That little disk?
There are more decorations coming. A wonderful shop in Beverly Hills comes to the house, sets up the tree and decorates it for us.
Do they open your presents and wear your sweaters for you, too?
S1The Lucky Charm
Why do you humor this guy? The planet he's on hasn't been discovered yet.
Uncle Phil told him to take his fancy 20 million dollar account, fold it five ways and stick it where Sparky can't find it.
S1The Ethnic Tip
Will (to Vivian): I read the autobiography of Malcolm X.
And that makes you a serious black history student?
It's a very important book.
Will, you can read the books, you can wear the T-shirts, you can put up the posters and you can shout the slogans, but unless you know all the facts, you are just trivializing the entire struggle.
S1The Young and the Restless
Okay, Ashley. First, we'll take Grandma to see the llamas and then we'll go on the roller coaster and the Ferris wheel.
Will for the last time, we are not breaking into Michael Jackson's house!
Hattie (to Phillip): Now don't go giving me that look, Zeke. That's the same look you gave me at the county fair when I wouldn't let you climb up the greasy pole. Now, you're not all that mad at me, are you?
Well, Mama, yes I am. I try to set some rules down for Will and you undermine my authority. I know how to handle things. I am an adult.
I am too, Zeke.
PPhil
I know that.
Do you? How many adults do you tell to take a nap?
Mama, I was just worried about you.
But I'm fine, baby.
I know. When you had the flu and I talked to you on the phone, you sounded so small. I just want you to live a long time.
Then Zeke, let me live.
S1Nice Lady
[Referring to Lady Penelope] G, the Lady's a Tramp.
Opera? I thought she said Oprah.
S1Love at First Fight
KKayla
Your momma.
Oh? What about my momma?
KKayla
Your momma is so fat, they showed her a picture of her feet and she couldn't identify them.
Well, your momma is so dumb, she went to the theater and it said 'Under 17 Not Admitted' so she went home and got sixteen of her friends.
KKayla
You know what? I shouldn't talk about your momma. I feel sorry for your momma. Having such an ugly child.
(outraged) Ugly?
KKayla
You're so ugly, your momma had to tie a pork chop around your neck just so the dog would play with you.
You're so ugly, your momma had to feed you with a slingshot.
KKayla
You're so ugly, that isn't a fade on your head. That's your hair running away from your face.
Well you're so ugly that...uuhh...baby, you so fine.
I would kiss you, but I just had a chili dog.
S1Banks Shot
All this legal stuff won't work. The only legal phrase these people understand is "will the defendant please rise."
I think I'm getting better.
FFred
That's not the way I see it. You still stink.
I wouldn't talk.
S172 Hours
Carlton, You are not going down to McArthur Park tonight. In fact, (to everyone) none of you are going down to McArthur Park tonight.
Tiny (stands up): Wait a minute.
Boy, do not test me.
TTiny
Yes, ma'am. (sits back down)
Vivian (to Will): Now, none of this would've happened if you hadn't insisted on making fun of your cousin. Now, you know, for a person who's always going around saying "I wish people would let me act the way I want", you were awfully hard on Carlton.
That was my point.
That's no excuse, Carlton. Just because Will teases you, you have to do something this foolish?
Dad, I know it seemed foolish, but I had to show him that I had the courage to survive down there.
That's not courage. Courage is being the way you are no matter what anybody says about you. Will teases me, but you don't see me goin' "Yo, yo, yo, homey, yo."
There's no "yo" at the end of it. I'm pretty sure of it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.