The Casagrandes quotes

Ronnie Anne

You should have seen her, Sid. I don't think I've ever seen Abuela more excited about anything.

Sid

Aww! I think it's kind of sweet that she cares so much about your party!

Ronnie Anne

Sid, all my Saturdays. You'll never see me again until I'm fifteen.

Sid

Did I say sweet? I meant WAY over the top! I'm on your side.

Ronnie Anne

[sits on the bed] The whole day she was going on about family and tradition. How do I get out of it?

Sid

Without bumming her out too much. [Nico suddenly comes out from under the bed with an idea, and a wrench] Huh. I'll run it by her. Nico says for the small price of a new tire swing and some bananas, he can keep your grandma so busy she won't have time to count to fifteen.

Ronnie Anne

Deal. [shakes Nico's hand]

Ronnie Anne

What? What? Now I'm gonna lose my Sundays and Friday nights too? I don't know how even she doesn't get tired of all of this.

Sid

Hmm. But what if she did? What if you gave her a taste of her own medicine?.

Ronnie Anne

Oh, Sid, you're bad. So bad it's good.

GUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ronnie Anne

[Holds up her own drink] I'll cheers to that. Salud.

Ooh, a pool party. Don't mind if I do.

So you have no idea why Principal Valenzuela wanted to talk to us?

Maybe I'm getting an award for best smile in school.

Hmm.

[enters her office; pleasantly] Mr. and Mrs. Casagrande, [unpleasantly at Carl] Carl, unfortunately, this isn't good news.

So he didn't win best smile?

No, Alexis won that. He flosses between every class. Carl was caught tricking kids out of their pudding snacks!

[not seeing the problem as his padres look at him in annoyance] Come on. It was just one time with the pudding.

Just one time, huh? [transit to the hallway, opens up Carl's locker and pudding cups fall on him]

I'm sorry. I just love tricking people. Isn't that what you're always encouraging us do, Principal V, what we love?

That is not what I meant!

We're so sorry, Principal Valenzuela. We're going to take care of this immediately.

Carl, say you're sorry. (And stop eating the pudding!)

[licking out a pudding cup, not listening] From the bottom of my heart, Principal V. You know, I'm gonna go home and have a good long think about my actions.

Oh? Glad to hear it.

And since I'll be so busy thinking, I'll need to skip homework tonight.

Naturally.

Great. Mom, Dad, let's go.

[realizes] Wait, no homework?! CARL!

[enters his and CJ's room, eating more pudding, finding Carlos observing the ants in an ant farm] Dad, what's with the bugs?

Your mother and I think you need a new hobby other than tricking people, so I thought we'd try science. Check it out a real live ant farm three thousand ants digging a tunnel to their queen.

[not interested] I wish I could dig a tunnel out of this room. [starts tapping the ant farm] Stop being boring.

Carl, let's not tap the plastic.

[getting a call from Principal Valenzuela] Hey, Principal Valenzuela. [Frida gasps in excitement to hear the upcoming news] Are you calling to tell us what a good job we did with Carl?

No! He's somehow worse than before! He tricked the teachers out of giving him tests for the rest of the year! He also keeps calling everyone pawns and saying "checkmate".

[gasps in horror] Carl's now using chess to trick people!

[starts to sob] Oh, no. I'm so sorry, Principal Valenzuela!

Actually, it's "Hall Monitor" Valenzuela. Carl tricked me out of my job. He's the principal now!

[comes out of the office] Hey, Valenzuela, quit dawdling. That hall's not gonna monitor itself.

[growls] Argh! FIX THIS!

Ooh. I've created a monster. [looks at the chess board and gets an idea] There's only one thing to do - we have to beat Carl at his own game.

Bobby

Hurry up with the tres leches wedding cake. They just pulled up!

On it!

[enters the apartment with Mama Lupe and Paco] Look, everyone. It's Mama Lupe and Paco, our handsome groom.

Hola.

Bienvenidos.

Hi, Mama Lupe.

[squawks] Primo, ready to clip your wings-- I mean, get married?

Claro que si. I can't wait to marry mi amor, Paulina. [takes out a photo of Paulina, a deformed female pigeon] She's the wind beneath my wings.

Maybe you should keep her beneath your wing. I mean, real catch.

Oh, [hugs Paco tightly] I can't believe mi bebe is finally getting married! [sits on the sofa and claps] Oh, I could almost cry.

[tearfully] Leave that to me!

On to more important matters, decide on a best man yet? [clears throat] Say, "Sergio."

I'm not sure, primo. It's a big responsibility.

Ah, come on, I'm responsible. [almost knocks the lamp off; chuckles] Hey, plus, I'll throw the best bachelor party ever! [hugs his primo, beggingly] Please. Oh, please. Por favor. [whimpers while making sad eyes]

Okay, Sergio, of course you can be my best man.

[does a victory dance] Wahoo! Best man, oh yeah! You heard it! Not Bobby! Not Hector! It's me! I'm the best! In your face.

Now, Sergio, as best man, you have a lot to do tomorrow. You must pose for photos, sign the license, and make a speech.

Mira, the best man must also hold on to las arras. [takes out thirteen gold coins in a sack] These thirteen gold coins have been passed down in our family for generations, and now I am giving them to Paco and Paulina.

Las arras bring the couple good luck and a long marriage.

[takes one of the coins out and bites it, losing a tooth] Wow, real gold. Okay, primo, bachelor party time. Leave everything to me.

Promise not to go too crazy. Remember, I have a wedding tomorrow.

[waking up] Ah, best bachelor party ever. [checking his pockets] Still got everything? Let's see: wallet, keys, phone, las arras. [holds up the sack and notices a hole in it; worried] Ah, crackers! [shoos some pigeons away] Scram! Shoo! You've gotta be here somewhere.

[wakes up] What are you looking for, Sergio?

Can't find those gold coins.

[shocked] You lost las arras?! Paco has to give Paulina all 13 gold coins at the wedding, or it's bad luck. If you don't find them, their marriage will be doomed!