The Casagrandes · Season 1
[After Ronnie Anne and Sergio are tied with the same score, they get into each other's faces, arguing]
Sudden death!
You cheated!
No way! That jacket is ours!
[While they argue, Hector walks onto the game and starts doing some dance moves]
You dance like a human!
Uh-uh! Rematch! You'll never beat my high score because you never need to beat my high score!
I'm becoming the K-pop King, baby!
Benchwarmer!
Oh, I wish I could sleep all day like Lalo.
Sí, that is one lucky perro.
[gasps excitedly as Lalo enters her beauty salon] Lalo! Ay, mi perrito favorito! Come, come. Sit, sit, sit. You want the usual?
[While Lalo and Sancho dance off in a dance battle…]
[checks the time on his watch as it beeps] Ooh! [to Lalo as he stops dancing] Getting late. Better get home, or the jig is up on your secret life.
[shocked] Huh?! [quickly hurries off]
[Sancho dives into the trash can with fries in his mouth]
[not thrilled] Winner by default.
[Hector and Bobby run away from the cats]
So, the gang has cats?
The gang is cats!
[Ronnie Anne goes to sleep in the bathtub, but spots Sergio the parrot inside]
I'm naked!
Oops! Sorry.
I still don't get why I have to come along.
[rioting] BECAUSE RONNIE ANNE'S YOUR GIRLFRIEND!!!
She is NOT my girlfriend!
Lincoln, we are literally crossing a bridge! Do you really want to get into an argument with me RIGHT NOW?!? (Lincoln shivers in concern, Lori winced) I'm really sorry, Lincoln.
It's okay. It's just that Ronnie Anne is my friend.
What do you mean you didn't convince him?
He talked about the bodega for 40 minutes until the beef jerky guy showed up and at that point I had literally reached my limit.
[sighs and thinks] We need to do something to get Bobby's attention.
[while being dragged by Lori] We're leaving? But Mrs. Casagrande's baking a cake!
[heartbroken] Lincoln, I literally just lost my boyfriend! [angrily] Do you really wanna argue with me right now?!
[appearing] Babe, where are you going?
[furious] What do you care?! Why don't you just go back to your precious bodega?! YOU OBVIOUSLY CARE ABOUT IT MORE THAN YOU CARE ME! [starts sobbing]
I'm just gonna go help Mrs. Casagrande with the frosting. [chuckles and rushes back inside the apartment]
Lincoln, what's happening out there?
I don't know. But it was too much drama for me.
Wait a minute. They're hugging, and Lori's smiling. She must have finally convinced him! Yes! [runs over to Lori and hugs her, moments later] Thank you, thank you, thank you! I knew we could do this. I'll go pack up my stuff.
Uh, actually…
What?
I know I came here to convince Bobby not to move, but after talking to him, I think he should stay.
Well, that's great for you guys, but what about me?! Lincoln, come on! Help me out here!
I don't know, Ronnie Anne. I think your family's pretty awesome. I mean, who can make a cake like this?
[Lori reads a Yak.]
[sighs] Okay, Two stops to 45th St.
This is an express train to 250th St.
Wait. What?! Ahh! [the train leaves]
[her city girl fantasy ends when she sees Vanzilla towed away] Hey! That's my van! Come back!
Babe, watch out for horse butts!
[sees a snake in her drawer] Why is a snake in my sock drawer?!
She needed a warm spot to lay her eggs.
Aw, spoilers!
[clinks her glass] I'd like to make a toast. Bobby, Lori. I just want to say how much it means to have you here with us. [tears up] I don't know if I can't get through this.
[touched] Oh, Mom.
[clinks his glass] Uh, excuse me if I might. I'm sure it means a lot to you, Rita, but with all respect, it means more to us.
Well, Hector, that seems really unlikely because nothing means more to us, 'kay?
Oh, really?
Yeah.
Is that so?
Yeah, that's right.
[Lori and Bobby look at their relatives worried and the mountain of food melts down.]
Forget the toast. I can say it so much better with music! [starts playing his guitar] We love Bobby and Lori more than... [Lynn Sr. elbows Luna and she dashes off] ...Anyone in the world.
[brings in her axe and starts playing, cutting Hector off] FAMILY!
[Her playing is then cut short when her axe gets unplugged, revealing that was Carl's doing and she glares at him]
Oopsie.
[viscously] How DARE YOU! [violently attacks Carl]
Control your children! It is not safe to have Thanksgiving in this house!
Well, if you don’t like it, YOU'RE WELCOME TO LEAVE! Not you, Bobby, you can stay.
That's what you want, isn't it? To steal our precious Roberto away from us?! [hugs Bobby tightly]
[hugs Lori as well] Oh, oh, like you haven't been trying to steal Lori from us! Well guess what, BUCKO, it's not gonna happen!
[pleading while intervening] Guys, guys, please stop!
STAY OUT OF THIS!
Why would anybody want to spend Thanksgiving here, gnawing on your "dry-bird?"
[Lynn Sr. breaks down, sobbing]
[comforting her husband as he sobs] The turgooseon is delicious, the only problem is, you're lumpy gravy!
[enters the dining room] Did someone say gravy? [squirts gravy on Rita as she shrieks]
[bumps Gravybot aside] No. They don't deserve it.
[Gravybot smashes into the wall and gravy flies up]
[jumps towards her siblings] Look out below!
[The gravy splatters on Gravybot, he then malfunctions out of control, squirting gravy everywhere, and all over on Frida's painting]
[gasps horrifyingly] My painting!
I'm sorry, Boo-Boo Bear, I know you were looking forward to having a real Thanksgiving this year.
It's not all bad. [holds up some turkey jerky] I found this half-off turkey jerky.
[Suddenly, Vanzilla and the Mercado van pull up and both families run out and inside the gas station, trampling Flip]
Jumping jerky! Holy hot dogs! [gets up afterwards]
Whoa, how did you guys find us?
Tracking devices. [both look at each other]
You left before trying my twice-baked tart.
[scoffs] They would prefer my flan.
Flan, shman. [chanting] Tart, tart, tart–!
Stop! Don't you guys see? This is why we left. We couldn't stand the fighting and competing.
We don't want to choose sides. So maybe from now on, we should just spend Thanksgiving by ourselves.
[Both the Louds and Casagrandes all now feel sadly guilty over how they've all been acting from earlier]
Well, nobody wants that.
We certainly don't.
Lori, Bobby, I'm sorry we've been acting so childishly.
We're sorry, too. It's just hard to let go of your kids. [to the Casagrandes] You know what? You should get Lori and Bobby for Thanksgiving.
Well, goodness knows we haven't done anything to deserve that. They should spend it with you.
Hey, I got an idea. Why don't you just rotate every year, huh? Much like the juicy hot dogs I'm selling at a mere 40% mark-up. Holiday discount.
Works for us.
[They all agree and engage in a big group hug.]
I'm glad we figured out future years, but what about right now? I'm starving!
Well, we've got hot dogs and sunflower seeds and 20 kinds of artisanal jerky. Maybe we could throw a dinner together here.
I'm game.
Me too.
We could make this place look festive. I think I have some leftover decorations in the car.
I'll help you.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Casagrandes pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
