TV show quotes
Timothy! You've arranged to play squash with Gavin, you're all set and raring to go. When suddenly, he stands you up because he's decided to go out with his girlfriend! Course of action?
Well, there are a number of options, Mr Brittas: tampering with his brakes, electrocuting him with his CD player...
No! You play with yourself!
That's Mrs Phillips for a standby ticket, swim session, in Lane 2, with a sachet of shampoo for greasy hair!
It took me years to make Deputy! How come Carole does it overnight?
Ah well, she's got a "lion within", you see.
Oh, yeah? And what have I got?
...A gerbil?
Dreams workshop tomorrow lunchtime. Now, it's purely voluntary, but everyone must attend. And I want you all to have a good dream tonight, and bring it in with you tomorrow morning.
What are you doing?
Sharpening my pencil, ready for the morning! Fortunately, my darling, you're married to a man who keeps a pencil sharpener in his bedside cabinet.
I have just broken the news to Gavin's parents over the phone, and needless to say, they were very distressed.
Especially when you reversed the charges.
So, what're you going to do if the press get hold of this? You know how they made a mountain out of a molehill when the centre burned down.
All part of handling our friends in the media, Julie. (picks up the phone and dials) Nip it in the bud with some swift positive action...Hello, Whitbury Evening News? News desk, please...Hello, Gordon Brittas, manager of Whitbury Leisure Centre. I'd just like to quell any rumours you might have heard about there being an outbreak of contagious disease here at the leisure centre. Oh, and by the way, it's definitely not bobular fever.
Why do you people in the media always focus on the negative side of things, when so much of what happens at this leisure centre is a success story? Last year, six hundred people visited this centre, and nearly five hundred returned home without any loss of life or serious injury!
You don't need to put fish on the Ark. They can stay in the sea.
Eh?
Well, what's a flood to a fish? It's more room to swim around in.
Julie, you have a brain! I can see why that young man of yours wants to marry you.
Carole, my last client: when he left, did he walk all hunched up, head down, jabbering to himself?
Yes, Mrs Brittas.
Good, good. He's getting better.
I'm afraid Carole is having some sort of nervous collapse. She's to have counselling sessions with Mrs Brittas.
Isn't that a bit like taking coals to Newcastle?
It is seven years to the day since the first member of public came through those hallowed portals.
And you threw him out, Mr Brittas!
He was wearing unauthorised water wings, Gavin.
Eeeexcellent!
Welcome to Whitbury New Town Leisure Centre. How may I help you?
I'm busy!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Brittas Empire pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
