(The Booty Warrior arrive at the house)
DDecoy
Hold on! I'm just got out of shower. There some juice on table.
The Booty WarriorHmm! Take your time.
(Chris Hansen arrive)
CHChris Hansen
You wanna explain to me what you're doing here?
The Booty Warrior
I came looking for booty.
CHChris Hansen
You came looking for sex with an underage boy?
The Booty Warrior
Oh no, I ain't come lookin for no little boys. I ain't got no milk, no cookies, nothing. I came looking for man's butt.
CHChris Hansen
A man's butt? Excuse me?
The Booty Warrior
Oh, I know who you are, Chris Hansen. But see, I likes to calls ya Chris Hansome. I watch your TV show all the time. So you can go ahead and bring in them cameras and them polices waitin for me outside. It don't make me no difference. Now, I'll tell you what: I like ya, and I wantcha. Now we can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way. The choice is yours.
CHChris Hansen
Well, I don't think you and I will be doing anything any kind of way.
The Booty Warrior
Okay, I-I see you choosin the hard way.
CHChris Hansen
Okay, cut. This isn't working. Someone get this guy-
[The booty warrior lunges at Chris, restraining him bent over the counter.]
The Booty Warrior
Don't make me ruin that butt, Chris!
CHChris Hansen
No! No, please!
The Booty Warrior
I'm a warrior!
[We hear cloth tearing. Suddenly, Chris Hansen screams in agony as we hear the booty warrior grunting.]
The Booty Warrior
When you go to prison, the most important thing in your life is gonna be booty. A man's butt.
IInmate
[From offscreen] Y'all better listen to him.
The Booty Warrior
Booty, gettin' some booty, is more important than food. It's more important than drinkin' water. If I see a man I like, I tell him like this here. [Looks straight at Tom, the camera zooming in on him as eerie music plays] I likes ya.
The Booty Warrior
And I want ya.
The Booty Warrior
Now we can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way. The choice is yours. What's it gonna be?
IInmate
WHATCHU WANT, TOM?!
The Booty Warrior
I asked you a question, Tom.
IInmate
I CAN'T HEAR YOU, TOM!
[Tom is shaking and sweating by now, visibly nervous]
The Booty Warrior
Ah-ah-ah! Excuse me, I didn't hear you, Tom!
I said I don't wanna answer- I don't wanna- I don't wanna do this anymore!
The Booty Warrior
Sound to me like you want it the hard way!
[The Booty Warrior and a group of inmates have started an uprising and are attempting to escape the prison, but quickly become lost.]
I1Inmate 1
Well, what do we do now?
I2Inmate 2
Ask him, it was his idea! Thought y'all had some kind of escape plan worked out or somethin'!
The Booty Warrior
Weren't no escape plan. Uh... booty, is more important, than escapin'. So, I said to myself when I seen that shank, "This is an opportunity for me to get some booty".
I3Inmate 3
That was it? Nigga, I thought you had demands!
The Booty Warrior
Oh, I had demands! I had demands to get some booty!
I3Inmate 3
I thought this was supposed to be some Attica type shit!
The Booty Warrior
Now, how y'all think that make me feel?! Y'all let the booty get away! Now I gotta go hunt down the booty! Damn!
The Boondocks · 205 quotes
