EWEd Wuncler
And what's wrong with textin'?
You mean aside from the fact that it's the stupidest fuckin' thing in the world? I mean, why would anyone in their right mind spend fifteen minutes tryin' to type some shit they could've called and said in five seconds? Plus, it involves typing with your thumbs, which I just don't approve of. Shit, I don't know about you, but I don't have time to read nothin' that a mothafucka typed with his thumbs. Fun fact: Nothing typed by someone's thumbs has ever been important. It's all just Nigga Technology anyway.
Nigga Technology. Technology for Niggas. And you don't start trippin' and shit, call me a racist. 'Cause I don't mean Nigga in a disrespectful way, I-I mean it as a general term for an ignorant motherfucker. Anybody of any race can be an ignorant motherfucker.
EEd
Shit, I be textin' my ass off, shit, bitches like text! I be textin' 'em all the time; 'matter of fact, I also be textin' my weed man, too, cause, you know, he don't like to be on the phone, so I text 'im!
So basically, Nigga Technology is anything that doesn't plug into a printer. Does that plug into a printer?
Know why? 'Cause niggas never have anything to print.
So when do I get to see Sammy Davis, Jr. the Pony?
Wuncler(acutely) When you learn how to run a respectable business.
Wuncler
What the hell is up with this sign? What's this crude drawing suppose to be?
I-it's the M-M-Magical Pony Carriage.
Wuncler
This looks like a kid drew it. Look at this, why are all the "e's" backwards?
I-I-It... It's suppose to be c-cute.
Wuncler
You think ignorance is cute? Well, I suppose you think you think mental retardation is down right adorable. Lemonade, now! (Jazmine starts to cry and tries to pour a glass) How is anyone supposed to believe you can make lemonade when you can't even spell it? How old are you?
Wuncler
(mocking her stuttering) T-T-T-Too damn old to be writing your "e's" backwards, damnit! (walks away, chuckles)
Wuncler
(speaking under his breath) Squirm little worm.
It's okay Jazmine; you don't need him.
(angrily) What do you mean I don't need him?
Well you're not gonna let him treat you like that?
What, you think ponies grow on trees?
What kind of question is that? It's a large four-legged mammal.
Or maybe I'm just supposed to wait until I'm an old woman before I get my pony. How am I gonna look, Huey? A sixty-five year old woman riding a pony...
You just want everyone to be miserable because you're miserable. AND WHY ARE YOU WEARING THAT STUPID COAT?.. wish you'd go away...
(pondering) Let's see... I want a... umm...
(cut to female customer)
FCFemale customer
(speaking quickly) I'll take two small lemonades with ice, two small lemonades without ice, three large lemonades — one with ice, one with no ice, one with crushed ice...
(cut back to Granddad)
You guys have aaummmmmm... uh... hmmm...
(cut to Riley)
(slaps some change on the counter) That's all I got.
That's all I got! Make it work, I'm thirsty!
I ain't got no dollar! It's hot as hell out here, man, jus hook me up! All the money I spend up in this place? This some ol' bullshit!
Lemonade... is... a... DOLLAR!
(cut back to Granddad)
Hmm... Do you guys have anything other than lemonade?
(stares annoyingly at him)
(cut to Huey)
Jazmine, this is stupid. You're bein' exploited.
You'll never get anywhere in this world without doing a fair day's work for a fair day's pay.
Jazmine, Ed's never gonna give you that pony!
(cut to Tom)
Peaches, I think it's time you come inside.
Can't talk, Dad, makin' lemonade.
Come on, honey, I want you inside now.
ACAnnoyed customer one
I have been waiting twenty minutes for this lemonade.
ACAnnoyed customer two
I'm thirsty!
Wuncler
(approaching Tom) What's the problem?
Mr. Wuncler, ya know, yesterday I thought this was cute, but, don't you think you guys are taking this a little far?
Wuncler
Jazmine can leave whenever she wants, but Sammy Davis, Jr. the Pony will have to be put down.
Wuncler
He's your pony now. Your percentage was supposed to pay for his food and upkeep. Now he'll starve to death in a puddle of his own feces.
(obligedly) Oh come on... Mr. Wuncler...
I don't wanna leave, Mr. Wuncler! Please, Daddy, don't make me leave!
Wuncler
(pulling Tom aside) There you have it. You know the name of the game; your daughter chose me. Now we can handle this like some gentlemen, or we can get into some old gangster shit.
(nervous, goes back to Jazmine) Okay, best of luck, honey! (he scurries away)
(In the final minutes of the episode, an angry Jack Flowers takes Ed Wuncler, III.)
EIEd, III
HEEEEEEEELLLLP!! Somebody, shoot this muthafucka! (as Jack Flowers takes him away) You can't do this to me! Do you know who I am? GRANDADDY!!
EWEd Wuncler, Sr.
(responding with a smile) What are you waiting for? Shoot him!
The Boondocks · 205 quotes
