Wayne, I know your secret.
Excuse me?
It's been quite an act. You really had me snowed.
I don't know what you...
[Sighs in relief] Boy, you've really got my number.
S2 E3Fire & Ice
S2 E4The Laughing Bat
[The Joker, still dressed as Batman, finds two young girls drawing on a pavement in chalk]
Well, well, well. Graffiti! That's a pretty serious offense, girls. But that's why I became a crimefighter - to take out garbage like you!
[He leaps towards them, but Batman knocks him away]
The costume party's over, Joker.
Joker? Didn't you hear? The Clown Prince of Crime's checked out. He just couldn't take anymore. Couldn't take the Batman. Always there to thwart his latest scheme. Well, it was really starting to drive him mad! [Batman grabs Joker] But then Joker thought, if he couldn't beat the Bat, he'd be the Bat. [chuckles]
Think Gotham has one Batman too many.
Which means one of us has gotta go.
My thoughts exactly.
Huh? Joker?!
I'm the Batman.
You see, the thing is... you're not!
The eggs, Penguin, or I scramble you.
Are you out of your gourd?! I'm in the middle of a heist! You don't see me barging in on your "gas all of Gotham" schemes, do you?! It is called professional courtesy!
Sorry, Pengy, but bringing down Gotham's second biggest criminal means my biggest bounty yet.
"Second biggest"?! Says who?!
S2 E5Swamped
Croc's story. Spill it.
TThug
[coughs] He's... ex-military, I think. Mercenary type. Some think he's a genetic experiment, a crossbreed soldier or something. Others think he messed with the wrong kind of voodoo in the bayou. Me, I'm thinking circus freak.
Facts, not folktales!
You sure got a lot of bloodhound in you, for a bat. What do you think? A dry little spot to catch my breath between heists.
And right beside the overflow pumps for Gotham's canal system.
They were designed to drain the canals into the bay in case of flooding. But I did some thinking: if you reverse the pumps...
They draw water in from the bay, filling the canals, until they submerge any part of Gotham situated below sea level.
Just about all of downtown, where the good shopping is.
Tens of thousands of lives could be lost.
And I'll shed a crocodile tear for each and every one...
S2 E6Pets
[Ranting at his birds]
What took you so long? You are late - again! [the crow caws at him] Zip it! I'm through with you birdbrains. [to the owl] You're not wise enough! [to the vulture] You eat too much meat! [to the crow] You are always crowing about something or other! And you, finch - don't get me started on you and your bird pies! [slams his fist down, then cringes as he realizes he touched a dropping] Oh! Indoors?! Eurgh! I have had it with you slobs! Well, you and your doo-doo are going the way of the dodo!
So that's the wretched device which controls me. Its frequency must have triggered my echolocation bat-hearing and reactivated dormant traces of the serum in my system, transforming me into Man-Bat!
...Yeah, whatever. So I just gotta flip this puppy on to turn nerd-guy back into Man-Bat?
I shall allow you to live, Penguin, if you hand it to me now.
Hand what to you, huh, this? This?! [waves it at Langstrom mockingly and knocks him back with his umbrella, laughing]
Then be sure you never lose it. For the first opportunity I get, I shall clip your flightless wings.
S2 E7Meltdown
I'm not your enemy, Bennett.
You're the only one I see standing between me and my freedom.
You have options.
Like prison or Arkham? Hmm, I pick... eliminating witnesses!
That's the clay talking, Bennett!
How do you know where Bennett ends and Clayface begins?!
Bennett, give up. It's not too late.
[slowly transforming back into clay] Isn't it, Bats? Look, here's the problem as I see it. Being Ethan Bennett is hard, really hard. Being Clayface... is cake. So say your goodbyes. This is the last you'll ever see of him.
[His face melts into Clayface's before Batman and Yin's devastated eyes]
Now step aside or I'll mash you both. [morphs his hand into a spiked weapon] Mash anyone who gets in my way!
[sadly] Good to know. You just made this a whole lot easier.
[She throws one of Batman's freezing pellets at Clayface, who is too surprised to avoid absorbing it]
Didn't expect that from you, Yin. I guess you do have... a new partner.
S2 E8JTV
Didn't we all learn an important lesson today? That's right, with a positive attitude and a smile, maybe, just maybe, we can all get along?
[during the "Telethon"] We've just received fifty dollars from: Grandma Shades! She says: "Please don't harm my grandson, I beg you". Human compassion at it's finest!
S2 E9Ragdolls to Riches
Kitten's got claws.
[cracks her whip] Kitten's got a whip!
SKSelina Kyle
Who knew Gotham's wealthiest bachelor had such a grip.
Yours is not as bad as yourself...err, your grip.
SKSelina Kyle
A firm handshake is a must in my life.
And you are?
SKSelina Kyle
Selina Kyle.
S2 E10The Butler Did It
After stealing from you twice and having a punch-up with the Batman, I should hope you'd have my head examined.
Everything appears normal, Alfred.
Then you and I were simply victims of hypnosis?
Not "we". When the Batwave sounded, it jarred you and the other butlers from your trance. But my hallucinations continued. Hallucinations so powerful, they could only be the work of a Spellbinder.
A Spellbinder, sir?
During my studies in the Far East, I learned of a remote temple whose monks performed a particularly intense form of meditation, believed to lead to that which only few could achieve: the mystic power of the third eye. A state of awareness so pure or potent, one could project one's visions into reality.
So our three-eyed scoundrel possesses an enlightened mind and a corrupted soul.
If last night was only a rehearsal, I believe he's after a fourth eye.
The Sarkana gemstone?
And since Spellbinder somehow managed to implant you and the butlers with hypnotic suggestions, he'll no doubt trigger you three to steal it for him.
Me, steal from charity?! You must lock me up at once!
Well, it's no Arkham Asylum, but it should hold you.
I shall be quite comfortable here, sir. Perhaps just some reading. And a spot of tea. Oh, and a telly! To view live auction coverage of the Batman trouncing thieving butlers, of course!
[with a British accent] Right away, then, sir!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Batman (2004) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.