The young man you were expecting apologizes. He won't be able to attend, I'm afraid.
BBecky
Let me guess. He's married.
To his work.
S1 E9The Big Dummy
VVentriloquist
Only one heist away from retirement and the clean, honest work of a cowboy.
You know... Gotham Penitentiary has a thriving retirement community.
S1 E10Topsy Turvy
[mutters to himself in his cell, until Batman appears] The Batman! What if I hadn't been decent?
You're never decent, Joker. Why bother adding a stand-in to your card collection instead of me?
[Laughs] To drive you batty, of course. And look, it's working.
[Grabs Joker] Answers, Joker.
Do you really think I'd send a flunky to eliminate my favorite sparring partner? I reserve that pleasure for me alone.
Then why -
Because I miss your company, Batman. [Batman pushes Joker aside] We're two sides of the same card. After all, you knew where I'd send my look-a-like to find you. And I knew all along that if I left a trail of breadcrumbs, you'd gobble them up!
Joker, you're not making sense. Why convince an orderly to do your dirty work when you could just have him unlock your cell?
Because you've always been my ace, Batman. My ace in the hole! [Laughs and pulls out two sticks and plays a tune with no notes]
What?
[Joker blows out green Joker gas at Batman's face, causing him to collapse]
[Cackles] I don't need you in my card collection. I never play with a full deck! [Laughs]
Welcome to Joker's revenge-o-rama! Introducing my first guest, [unveils Wigzell] Judge Horace Wigzell! He's such a card! [presses button, canned laughter plays] Now, why are you here? [in Southern accent] Because y'all done me wrong! [to the Judge] Wigzy, you sentenced me to life in the loony bin! [to Yin and Bennett] Detectives, you arrested me; Shame on you! [to Bagley] Bagley, how many times have I told you, I hate macaroni and cheese! Oh, how I've wanted to deck you all, and deck you I shall! [knocks Wigzell into the river] Go fish! [presses button, canned applause plays]
S1 E11Bird of Prey
What has Master Bruce ever done to you?
Oh, nothing. Nothing really. Except own everything that should rightfully belong to me! I am from noble blood! The Cobblepots were once the toast of society! I am a Cobblepot!
MBMel Bramwell
Get it all?
CCameraman
I hope so. It's a dark night.
MBMel Bramwell
'The Dark Knight'. Now that has a ring to it...
S1 E12The Rubberface of Comedy
He made you look like clowns. Six months ago, Gotham had the lowest crime rate in the nation. Yesterday, we were declared the world's scariest city! And that was before Joker's latest escapade.
GPGotham P.D. Member 1
But, chief, most of the guys on that board are in prison now, or Arkham.
And who received credit for those busts? You? Or you, Yin? I know it wasn't you, Bennett. So tell me, who?
GPGotham P.D. Member 2
Well, the Batman, I guess.
That's right. The Batman. Well, I'm tired of clowns and vigilantes turning my department into a laughing stock. So say hello to my new zero-tolerance policy against all these freaks. No exceptions. And, for starters, I want Gotham's finest to take down Joker before the Batman does. Capeesh?
Chief Rojas, I'm going out on a limb here, but I've been thinking maybe we'd have more success if we tried working with Bats.
Working with the Batman? Maybe you could wear spandex and be the Bat's sidekick! You'd better figure out where your loyalties lie, Detective, and fast!
Ah, detective, my therapy worked! It seems you and I finally share the same sense of humour!
[Bennett breaks off his laughter, trying to look calm]
[aiming at the Joker] Don't fool yourself, Joker. Bennett plays for my team.
The yin to his yang. [aims his "Joker Putty" gun at Bennett] Drop it! Or laughing boy gets it! You don't know what this stuff does to humans!
[Looking worried for Bennett, Yin drops her weapon]
For that matter, neither do I. Let's find out! [aims at Bennett again]
S1 E13Clayface of Tragedy
Come on in, Batman. It's time to say our goodbyes to Chief Rojas.
Let him go.
What, you don't approve, Bats? After all, to Rojas here, we're both on the wrong side of the law.
It doesn't matter what he thinks. It's the code you live by that matters. And you don't want to cross a line that you can't uncross.
Maybe you haven't noticed, Bats, but my line's been crossed! For good!
Ethan, no!
[morphs into Ethan Bennett] It's not cool to reveal secret identities, Yin. [morphs into Yin] Not that it matters, [morphs into Bruce Wayne] when I can be anyone I choose, [morphs into Batman] and when I'm no longer sure what I am, [morphs into the Joker] except a freak! [laughs] You know what separates the freaks from the normals? Just one rotten day. Ever had a really rotten day, Batman? [morphs back into Clayface] Thought so.
Joker's rotten to the core by choice. A choice that's still yours to make, Detective.
Turn yourself in, Ethan. We can help you.
You don't get it, do you? Joker didn't just melt my skin - he melted my mind! I'm a freak, inside and out! And Chief Rojas has zero-tolerance for the likes of me!
[Batman tries to stop Clayface by switching on a shower]
[laughs] Nice try, Bats, but the water pressure in this dump always did stink!
Ethan, stop!
Boys' locker room, Yin. You could get expelled for this.
There's no blood on your hands yet. Please, Ethan - don't cross the line.
[After a moment of consideration, Clayface throws Batman across the room, then morphs back into Ethan Bennett]
You, defending the Batman? I never thought I'd see the day. Yin... [tearing up] what's become of us?
[about Clayface] He could be anywhere.
He could be anyone.
S2 E1The Cat, the Bat, and the Very Ugly
Cats and birds are natural enemies, you know.
Now, with enemies like you, cat chickie, who needs friends?
You read Ancient Egyptian?
The pictures help.
S2 E2Riddled
Riddler, you're a maniac!
I prefer the term "Brainiac".
Four sides facing north. The house is at the South Pole, so it's a polar bear. The answer is "white." [Batman ignores the trap] Aren't you taking a risk?
There are no bears at the South Pole. This riddle has no answer.
Riddler cheated?
Riddler quit. He's through playing.
S2 E3Fire & Ice
[to Bruce] Or perhaps it is just your way of seeking what the Batman cannot have: the approval of Gotham's finest. [Bruce gives Alfred a look, sarcastically] Yes, I'm fired, I know.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Batman (2004) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.