S1 E1 The Bat in the Belfry
Takes after his pa, wouldn't you say?
[Batman comes face-to-face with Joker, a clown with white skin, green hair and a huge red grin on his face]
Just some laughing gas, drag. Don't tell me you're not an inmate. [jumps down] What rational being dresses like you?! Speaking of threads, think this is a good look for me?
[Batman places one hand on Joker's face. There is no sign of white paint on his hand]
Smear-free. It's "perma-clown"! Ooh, tough crowd. Look. Nothing up my sleeves. Ha, ha. [reveals a weapon] Nothing that won't put a smile on your face. Say cheese! [Batman throws a batarang, which knocks Joker's weapon out of his hand] I'm out of gas.
[Batman punches Joker]
You really know how to spoil a coming-out party. How do you expect me to spread mirth and whimsy without a proper hideout?!
Listen, Joker, you're sick. You need help.
Well, maybe I am a little off. [kicks Batman] But what are you gonna do? Lock me in the loony bin? I'm already here!
Stop me if you've heard this one, Batman. There were these two fellows in an abandoned party favor factory. One says to the other--
Where are you keeping the gas, Joker?
You call that a punchline?
I don't share your sense of humor.
Yet we're linked, you and I. Like comedy and tragedy. Two sides, same coin.
The gas, Joker! Or I vow I will turn your smile upside down.
If it's gas you want... [He throws a playing card at a brown bag, which falls to the stage floor. Batman dodges it in time] Place all tray tables in their upright positions! [Joker laughs maniacally as his balloon takes off]
S1 E2 Traction
B Bane
The Batman, I presume?
The masked look must really be catching on.
B Bane
Defeat me, and I will allow you to remove it.
Hate to disappoint, but I don't fight for sport.
B Bane
Then fight for your life!
[The two exchange blows]
Talk to me. You can start with name and motive.
B Bane
I am Bane, the last opponent you will ever face.
CB Crime Boss 1
Eh, what's this I hear about the cops combing the hospitals looking for the Batman?
CB Crime Boss 2
I thought this guy was supposed to solve our problems.
B Bane
If I did not break all the Batman's bones, I guarantee you, I broke his spirit!
S1 E3 Call of the Cobblepot
Well, well, well - come to help with the dusting, Jeevesy?
Actually, I just popped in to reclaim some missing property.
Fine, you can use it to serve me more of those shrimp puffs.
The days of Pennyworths serving Cobblepots are long since over!
Huh? You're a Pennyworth?
And the only thing keeping me from walloping you soundly is the shame that the news of the incident would bring upon my Master Bruce.
Wayne, shmayne. The good old days when Cobblepots were king are coming back, 'cause I'm gonna restore the Cobblepot name to its former wealth and glory!
Hmm. If you intend to do so by pilfering, it may take a while.
Not as long as you think, old man. [points at the pile of riches stolen by his birds]
In some ways, man, I'm glad freaks like this Penguin bring out the Batman.
Hopefully, it's not the Batman who brings out the freaks.
S1 E4 The Man Who Would Be Bat
Quite a scrapbook for someone who's never paid attention to the Batman.
Oh, don't trouble yourself, Mr. Wayne. A pompous pretty-boy like you could never understand my work.
I want to be like the Batman.
You want to be a crimefighter?
No, Mr. Wayne, I want to be feared . You've forced me to accelerate my testing schedule. It's a pity that the Batman himself can't be here to witness... [drinks the serum] the birth of Man-Bat!
I knew you'd come calling, Batman. So tell me - who's the better bat?
This has to end now, before you start feeding on humans.
Oh, but I'm so close to my goal! Two more doses of my formula, and the Man-Bat will rule the night forever!
S1 E5 The Big Chill
[explaining his transformation] I was electrocuted. At the same instant, the blood froze in my veins. Was I still among the living? Presumably, the experts would determine that, but I made their job easy for them. My body had mutated. Neither living nor dead. I was a walking cryonic miracle, though some might consider me a monstrosity. It didn't take much for me to motivate an expert in the field to produce a suit to contain my frosty disposition... until I so choose to disperse it.
You're finished, Batman. I'm king of the mountain! The new emperor of Gotham! So get used to the weather.
No, Freeze. This is my mountain.
S1 E6 The Cat and the Bat
[On the TV]
RS Robinson Sprang
So, would you say the idea of a Batman/Catwoman link wasn't so farfetched after all?
Yes, it's clear now that they work together to take down Katsu... as a vigilante team.
[Bruce groans]
Not quite what I had in mind when I encouraged you to meet women who share your interests, Master Bruce. But it's a start.
If Catwoman were somehow, some way able to trace the signal back here-
We would have to rename it "The Catcave."
S1 E7 The Big Heat
MG Mayor Grange
[chuckles] Don't let that photograph fool you, Bruce. I may be holding that fish, but your father caught it.
Dad always did subscribe to charity, Mayor Grange.
Batman. [laughs] I see you survived your crack-up.
What? That a rock band or something?
For someone who gets his kicks scorching tech companies, hard to believe you've never heard of them.
[Firefly tries to blast Batman, who knocks his laser gauntlet awry with a Batarang]
You're done, Firefly. Cooked.
Says who? [laughs, salutes and flies outside] No one touches me in the sky!
[Batman activates his jetpack]
This time, I brought the heat.
S1 E8 Q & A
HZ Herbert Ziegler
Who are you?
C Cluemaster
The man you cheated! [He reveals his face, but there is a long silence as the victims are puzzled] Arthur Brown, from the show!
C Cluemaster
Bonus round! Stump Cluemaster and they go free!
Well, that doesn't seem fair. Is there anything the great Arthur Brown doesn't know?
C Cluemaster
You'll find out.
What can I ask you about?
C Cluemaster
History, science, literature...
Music? Biology? Current events?
C Cluemaster
Anything! Let's go already!
Okay. Name the true identity of... the Batman.
C Cluemaster
Trick question! Ask another!
You said I could ask anything.
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Batman (2004) pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
