Alfred Pennyworth quotes from The Batman (2004)

Alfred Pennyworth

[to Bruce] Or perhaps it is just your way of seeking what the Batman cannot have: the approval of Gotham's finest. [Bruce gives Alfred a look, sarcastically] Yes, I'm fired, I know.

Alfred Pennyworth

X marks the spot indeed.

Penguin

Well, well, well - come to help with the dusting, Jeevesy?

Alfred Pennyworth

Actually, I just popped in to reclaim some missing property.

Penguin

Fine, you can use it to serve me more of those shrimp puffs.

Alfred Pennyworth

The days of Pennyworths serving Cobblepots are long since over!

Penguin

Huh? You're a Pennyworth?

Alfred Pennyworth

And the only thing keeping me from walloping you soundly is the shame that the news of the incident would bring upon my Master Bruce.

Penguin

Wayne, shmayne. The good old days when Cobblepots were king are coming back, 'cause I'm gonna restore the Cobblepot name to its former wealth and glory!

Alfred Pennyworth

Hmm. If you intend to do so by pilfering, it may take a while.

Penguin

Not as long as you think, old man. [points at the pile of riches stolen by his birds]

So, would you say the idea of a Batman/Catwoman link wasn't so farfetched after all?

Ellen Yin

Yes, it's clear now that they work together to take down Katsu... as a vigilante team.

Alfred Pennyworth

Not quite what I had in mind when I encouraged you to meet women who share your interests, Master Bruce. But it's a start.

Batman

If Catwoman were somehow, some way able to trace the signal back here-

Alfred Pennyworth

We would have to rename it "The Catcave."

Alfred Pennyworth

The young man you were expecting apologizes. He won't be able to attend, I'm afraid.

Let me guess. He's married.

Alfred Pennyworth

To his work.

Alfred Pennyworth

What has Master Bruce ever done to you?

The Penguin

Oh, nothing. Nothing really. Except own everything that should rightfully belong to me! I am from noble blood! The Cobblepots were once the toast of society! I am a Cobblepot!

Alfred Pennyworth

After stealing from you twice and having a punch-up with the Batman, I should hope you'd have my head examined.

Everything appears normal, Alfred.

Alfred Pennyworth

Then you and I were simply victims of hypnosis?

Not "we". When the Batwave sounded, it jarred you and the other butlers from your trance. But my hallucinations continued. Hallucinations so powerful, they could only be the work of a Spellbinder.

Alfred Pennyworth

A Spellbinder, sir?

During my studies in the Far East, I learned of a remote temple whose monks performed a particularly intense form of meditation, believed to lead to that which only few could achieve: the mystic power of the third eye. A state of awareness so pure or potent, one could project one's visions into reality.

Alfred Pennyworth

So our three-eyed scoundrel possesses an enlightened mind and a corrupted soul.

If last night was only a rehearsal, I believe he's after a fourth eye.

Alfred Pennyworth

The Sarkana gemstone?

And since Spellbinder somehow managed to implant you and the butlers with hypnotic suggestions, he'll no doubt trigger you three to steal it for him.

Alfred Pennyworth

Me, steal from charity?! You must lock me up at once!

Well, it's no Arkham Asylum, but it should hold you.

Alfred Pennyworth

I shall be quite comfortable here, sir. Perhaps just some reading. And a spot of tea. Oh, and a telly! To view live auction coverage of the Batman trouncing thieving butlers, of course!

[with a British accent] Right away, then, sir!

Any good costumes this round?

Alfred Pennyworth

If you consider Joker, Penguin, and Catwoman "good"...

I guess it's more fun to be the bad guys.

Professor Hugo Strange

Ah. The Dark Knight returns.

Batman

D.A.V.E.'s escape was no accident, was it, Professor?

Professor Hugo Strange

[covertly opening a draw on his desk] You are not suggesting that I deliberately released Gotham's ultimate criminal mastermind?

Batman

I'm suggesting that you might find Arkham a better home than office.

Professor Hugo Strange

The line between genius and insanity is often blurred.

Batman

Didn't know you were such a fan.

Professor Hugo Strange

Your obsession with criminals fascinates me as much as the criminals themselves.

Batman

Shut down D.A.V.E., now!

Professor Hugo Strange

I may have created D.A.V.E., Batman, but I no longer control him.

Batman

Then tell me how to stop him!

Professor Hugo Strange

You can't. You see, he was designed to stop you. D.A.V.E. enacted his crimes to bait you into encounters, in order to study you.

Batman

And why would he want to study me?

Professor Hugo Strange

[smiling darkly] Because I also programmed my psychology into D.A.V.E.'s brain. D.A.V.E. shares my fascination with you, Batman - and by now, has probably learned all there is to know about you.

Alfred

Yes, yes, one moment. [he opens the door to find D.A.V.E. standing there]

Good evening. Is the Batman home?

I was this close to hurting all the people I tried to protect, Alfred. What if I'm not as lucky next time?

Alfred

If you'll forgive my saying so, luck had nothing to do with it. Even under a madman's influence, and believing himself to be alone, the Batman fought his way to the truth. That's who he is. It's who you are.