AVGN quotes from The Angry Video Game Nerd

Then there's all these numeric buttons. Like, what the shit is this? Is this thing a phone? Like, what is all this for? Is it, like, talking to intergalactic space aliens, flying fuckernauts or astrobastards?

[unable to play the Atari 5200 due to defective controllers] As for the 5200, there's third party controllers made for replacing the shitty controller that the system came with. So let's take a trip into the cyber world known as the internet and take a look. [Goes to his computer and the Ebay website. Finds a listing that says "ATARI 5200 CONTROLLER - Works fucking better!"]

(on Spider-Man: Return of the Sinister Six) The game's Spider-Man: Return of the Sinister Shit.

Oh God... Oh God! Let me ask a question: what do you get when you take a movie, that's ASS, and you make it into a game? You get a pieceashit! Now, if you get a piece of ass, that's... a good thing. But if you get a pieceaSHIT, you don't want that! And this of course, is Independence Day for the Playstation. I don't even wanna talk about this. It's makin' me sick. MAKIN' ME SICK!

I think it's a graphic flaw. Nothing appears until it's right up in your fuckin' face! What the ASS is that all about? To describe this game's assness, all I can say is, it's very ass.

The radar doesn't do diddly dick! It's too small, it makes no fuckin' sense, and...I don't like it.

The worst thing about this is that it makes me feel really guilty to be playing it! Like I should be doing something better with my time—like rolling dog turds in cement! Like, I gotta get away from this game! I gotta get out of this room! I gotta go out somewhere & do something wild—like get a tattoo on my face of a goat holding up a baby snorting cocaine off its penis!

You know, I played a lotta fuck in my day, but this game is... FUCK. The lack of music, the droning effect it has, it reminds me of somethin' very similar. Something from the past. Top Gun on the NES. [Top Gun music and screenshots from game accompany The Nerd's speech.] While I hated it and it drove me insane, I would rather play this than Independence Day. In fact, just thinkin' about it is like a breath of fresh air. Makes me feel like a shitty log comin' out of a buffalo's ass and landin' in a bowl of M&Ms.

Now, as always, I don't care if you agree with my opinions on games, but what I do care, you enjoy the video, you have a great 4th of July, drink some beers, but be safe, and most important - celebrate your independence not to play shitty fuckin' games.

Bringing back the horrible memories of these games can best be described like this: Imagine if you trapped a wet, smelly piece of dog shit inside an airtight container. Then, like twenty years later, you open that shit up, you take a good smell, and there you go. Welcome back.

(playing Bart vs. the Space Mutants) It's strangely satisfying to jump on those aliens' heads. After all, don't you wish you could just go around killing aliens? Not making purple things not purple? Why not just fucking shit all over 'em and make everything brown?

I just wanted to point out that for a game titled "Bart vs. the World", there really isn't a lot of "the world" in the game. No shit, right? Just Egypt, China, the North Pole, and Hollywood? Pretty fucking educational, right? When I was eleven years old, my whole world was video games, just locked in my room playing Bart vs. the Space Mutants and all this crap. And I wasted all my time on this shit! I want it back! It ruined my life! (drinks beer) Bart's my ass and Krusty's my balls! Fuck this shit. Now I'm gonna eat my own shorts. (the Nerd puts his beer down, rips out his boxers with his teeth, and devours it in a ravenous manner)

It's time to chill out. Nah, don't worry. I'm not goin' mellow on you or anything like that. And, next time, it's gonna be a game review again. But for now, I just want to take you back to one of the most important parts of my childhood: Nintendo Power. You know, today, there's Internet. Anything you want to know about any game, you just look it up. But, back then, your only source of information was magazines, like Nintendo Power. If you had a subscription, you were the man! One of your friends would be breakin' their balls to beat some game and you'll be like, "Oh, I know how to beat that game.", or, "I know a code." That's because you had the power. Nintendo Power, motherfucker!

One thing that used to piss me off was the NES Achievers section. It's just a buncha nerds showin' off their high scores. But, how do you prove it? You have to take a photo of your screen. And, nobody really knew how to do that. Remember, there were no digital cameras back then, so you take the picture of your screen, you have no fuckin' clue what it looks like. And, there could be, like, 20 other pictures on the roll, so, you either have to, like, waste them all or wait until it gets finished. You get your mom or dad to take it to the store to get the picture developed, it comes back, and what does it look like? It looks like fuckin' shit!

'Member that shitty movie The Wizard? and that fuckin' dumbass Super Mario Bros. movie? Man, I remember readin' about that and being so excited, I couldn't wait to see that movie! But it was just like waitin' for a buffalo to take a shit all over your face. (Raspberry)