AVGN quotes from The Angry Video Game Nerd

I'd rather play Doom on Atari. I'd rather play Halo on a Tiger Electronics wrist game. I'd rather drown in diarrhea. I'd rather fuckin' eat my fuckin' balls off and puke 'em out my fuckin' ass! I'd rather piss a cactus out of my dick! The music is fuckin' worse than life itself, and I'd turn the volume down except for the fact that I have to hear the Jason Alarm! It's all just a test of patience, and it can kiss my fuckin’ asshole!

(talking about the Mega Man series) What's this? Mega Man Battle network series? Mega Man 64? Did they really make it that far? No, that was just the Nintendo 64's stupid gimmick of putting 64 at the end of every fucking title.

So when Final Fantasy VII came out, they just called it Final Fantasy VII and that's when the confusion began. I wondered what the fuck happened to IV V and VI?! But what I really should've been wondering, little did I know, what the fuck happened to II III and V? And once I figured that out, I was like,"So there were other Final Fantasy games we didn't know about?" I was playing VI all along and not III? What a fuckin' bunch of fuckin' bullfuck!

The Star Trek series did the same thing. Right now, there's ten of them. Star Trek I-VI were all numbered. But when they stopped using the original cast from the show and started using the cast from Star Trek: The Next Generation, they dropped the numbers from the films and called them: Star Trek Generations, Star Trek First Contact, Star Trek Insurrection and Star Trek Nemesis. Okay, well that's real fine. But where did the fucking numbers go? If they couldn't call Star Trek Generations, Star Trek VII then why didn't they call it Star Trek The Next Generation off the show and then call the next one Star Trek The Next Generation II and just start a new line of sequels?

The title of Bruce Lee's first film was called The Big Boss, but when they released it in the U.S., the American distributors or whoever was responsible decided to change the title to Fists of Fury. Well okay, that's just fine, but the next one happened to be called Fist Of Fury. So, uh oh, we fucked up! What are we going to call it here in the U.S.? We can't call it Fist of Fury because we changed the last one to Fists of Fury. Call it The Chinese Connection and from now on, just call the movies whatever the fuck they're originally called.

(Regarding the training sequences) Cock-a-fuckin'-doodle-ass-shit-suckin'-bullfuck! This is fuckin' boring!

This game is ass. I'd rather take a bath in elephant feces. I'd rather eat raw eggs.

(Playing Bible Adventures, reviewing "Noah's Ark"; regarding the character Noah, who literally picks up animals and puts them in the ark in the game) I just can't get over that. He's an old man, and not only does he pick the animals up, he lifts them over his head! It doesn't even slow him down. How could such an old man be so strong? Have you ever tried to lift a horse? Not that easy. What the fuck!? Let alone a horse and an ox!? Or fuck! A horse, a cow, and two oxen!? What the fuckin' shit!? Noah's so goddamn strong, he puts The Hulk to shame. And the poor creatures, they're so scared shitless, they don't even try to get away. Noah, man. Nobody fucks with him. Not even Chuck Norris!

(Reviewing "David and Goliath") And you know what? All three games use the same music. You'd rather listen to your own infant son puking to death. That is, choking on his own puke-chunks. (long pause) That's disgusting. I apologize.

(reviewing Bible Buffet on NES, responding to its in-game voice clips) That voice is just crazy! I-I dunno what it is, but it just sounds out of place. Not that anything is in place, but I dunno. It's so rare to hear such a clear voice in a Nintendo game. But I suppose it's also rare for Nintendo to have a Bible game with no references to the Bible, resembling Atari, that's all about food trying to kill you, yet it's also a board game rip-off with quizzes that you can't answer, and, if it's a Bible game, why do you blow a snowman's head off? Whatever happened to "Thou shall not kill"? Please, somebody tell me!

[ Invisible Touch is heard in the background] So let's play another bible game. It's the Book of Genesis on Sega Genesis. And the soundtrack is Genesis. ...I'm just making this up.

[Playing Super Noah's Ark 3D] Listen to how cheerful the music is. (Theme from Super 3D Noah's ark plays) Wow, that's great. It's just what you need is some really upbeat music to go along with Noah getting murdered by a bunch of fucking goats!

There's really nothing else worth mentioning with this game. It just sucks, and I can't even stand to play it anymore. I’d rather fuck a porcupine and shove a cactus up my ass. I'd rather slurp crap oozing out of a warthog's anus-hole. It's just a bunch of poopy diarrhea doo-doo ass shit.

Look at how huge this beast is, it's ginormous! And why is there a door on it? Is this a video game console, or a fucking closet? Even the AC Adapter weighs a million tons.

What's the most important aspect about any fucking game? Well, being able to fucking play it. And what do you need to fucking play it? A fucking controller! So what do you do when the controller doesn't work? You're fucked! This is the reason the system failed. This. In the name of God, Heaven and Hell; everything in between, every creature on Earth; by the far reaches of the Galaxy; by the inner rings on the Universe and... every Megaverse and the Ultraverse, let it be known. Let the word be known. This controller... is fuckin' horrible!