AVGN quotes from The Angry Video Game Nerd

(in the sewers level, as an enemy causes the on-screen turtle to fall in rushing water) Ughhh, you son of a fuck! And you know what pisses me off? They're turtles, for fuck's sakes! They can't even swim?

Aw, you fuckrat! This is just a bunch of cockadookie, this is bullfuck.

Cowabunga... Cow-a-FUCKIN' PIECE OF DOGSHIT! This game is diarrhea comin' outta my dick! This game is as appealing as a fuckin' ooze-infested dirty fuckin' sewer rat shit! I've had more fun playing with dog turds! Shredder's my ass and Splinter's my balls! This game is an inside-out asshole regurgitating putrid anal fecal matter! I'd rather fuckin' yank all the hairs out of my scrotum! I'd rather drink diarrhea vomited out of a buffalo's anus! It suckin' fucks, it fuckin' sucks, IT FUCKIN' BLOWS, IT'S A PIECEASHIT... and I don't like it.

(on the repetitive music) I'd rather have a fucking buffalo take a diarrhea dump in my ear than subject them to this horrendous garbage.

So there's Ronald with his magic bag... bag of hallucinogenic drugs. I always thought that clown was one scary motherfucker.

Then you go to Grimace's board. Here's Grimace, the big purple fuck. Look at his house! It looks like Barney the Dinosaur's testicle.

It never ends with this game; it’s just like an infinite turd coming out of my ass.

(Explaining a 1-Up gathering trick) So if you have an hour to waste, then, there you go. Have fun. You're completely wasting your time, anyway, if playing this game, as I am. Let alone make a fucking video about it. Some people like to call 1-ups "extra guys" or "free mans". I like to call 'em life insurance.

(At the end of the review) Toasty!

And what's this button for? "PRESS HERE"? Seriously, press here? What for? I mean is it supposed to be telling you how to push the game down? Like, how to put the game into the system? Well, I-I can't really push on it when it's inside the Nintendo. You know, did they really think kids are that stupid? I mean, it should just say, "PRESS HERE, YOU DUMB FUCK!" Like some kid's gonna be like, "Uhhh, duhh, how do I put the game in?"

Back in the '80s, it seemed like there were all these characters tryin' to keep kids off of drugs. Whether it was Mcgruff, or Pee-wee, or the combined efforts of Alf, Michaelangelo, Bugs Bunny and Miss Piggy. And... this game, I'm sure it didn't help kids stay off drugs at all. In fact, I'm sure the people who made it were on something. So, avoid it at all costs, unless... you are fucked up on drugs. So in that case, let's say NO to drugs... (drinking his Rolling Rock) and let's say NO to this fuckin' game.

Ooh, I know what you're thinking. "How dare you pick on Double Dragon?" But I'm not. Double Dragons awesome! So is Double Dragon II: The Revenge. But Double Dragon III: The Sacred Stones is just a fucking waste.

(Playing the two-player game, on the introductory cutscene) Now, just like the one-player game, it starts off with the story sequence, but this time it shows both the Double Dragons, Billy and Jimmy Lee. Oh, wait... Bimmy and Jimmy? How'd they make a mistake like this!? Bimmy isn't even a real name! How did this happen!? They didn't even proofread this shitty game before they released it? Bimmy and Jimmy? I'm sorry, I just can't get over that. Bimmy and Jimmy. There's a typo in a Nintendo game, let alone a fucking Double Dragon game, and it's the first screen!

Oh, fffuck! Look at the map. I've just been walkin' in the wrong fuckin' direction. What a wonderful game! The bare basics of left and right do not apply. And that's why this game is so great, because it's free from all logic. Logic is for pussies!

(commenting on the game over screen) That's ingenious. That's... the best Game Over screen I ever saw. For real, I'm actually being dead serious! DEAD FUCKIN' SERIOUS. That's brilliant, right? (looks at Jason) "You and your friends are dead. Game Over." It's priceless. Like, I can't believe it! Isn't that a mean thing to say to kids? Nobody ever dies in Nintendo. They're either "defeated" or they... turn into an item and like, float away. But here comes a game, like Friday the 13th, that just cuts the bullshit, shows some balls, comes flat out and says: "You're fuckin' dead... and your friends, too." Beautiful. And what if there was a sequel? It would have to say somethin' even worse. Like, I got it. I got a good idea of what it should say. It should say: