The Nerd quotes from The Angry Video Game Nerd

The Nerd

This one, called the 'Handy Boy' was released by... STD? STD?! WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD NAME THEIR GAME COMPANY "STD"?!

The Nerd

(on Game Boy accessories) But then, to top it off, the grand finale. I'm not even emotionally ready to tell you about this, so just sit back, here it is. The PediSedate. This thing was intended for hospitals, to help children relax when they're about to be put under for surgery or a medical procedure. Essentially, it's a pair of headphones that you plug into the Game Boy. You could probably plug it into any portable gaming console, but more importantly, it has a cup that goes over the child's mouth, and releases the sleep gas, or laughing gas, or whatever it is they need. So, it's the only gaming peripheral I know of that gasses you! Imagine being sedated while playing fuckin' Dr. Mario! What would that be like? Oh, my God! I was gonna make up a bunch of fake shit at the end, like the Game Boy Dog Turd Collector. But nothing I can make up can top this! And this thing was rea-I mean, it didn't get released, but it was invented and patented. The Game Boy must have been the most multi-purposed thing in existence! Astronauts actually took it into space! It could withstand bomb blasts, you could take photos, print, sew, find fish, get sedated! I wanna be sedated with a Game Boy!! I WANNA BE SEDATED WITH A GAAAME BOOOY!!! BAM BAM BAMBAM BAMBAM BAM B-B- I WANNA BE SEDATED WITH A GAAAAAME BOOOOOY!!!!!

The Nerd

It's a really smart idea to be wearing radioactive fucking SHOES!! Seriously...is Skooter that fucking RAD that he doesn't care about RAD-iation poisoning?

The Nerd

Trying to hit a guy here is like trying to hit a grain of sand with a tennis racket while Andre The Giant farts directly into your nostrils!

The Nerd

Wow. And how about the most annoying character select screen possible? I don't know who the fuck most of these guys are, and they have no names! Who are these people?? They just shout random slogans at me and move at about two frames per second. Whatever, I'll pick Ric Flair. And of course it controls like ass. The punches take almost a full-second delay! And seriously, why does everyone walk around like there's shit caked up their ass?! Fuck this piece of shit! I'm done! (Takes the game out of the Super Nintendo]

The Nerd

Let me tell you somethin', brother! This game is the worst there is, the worst there was, and the worst there ever will be! Woo! It's a limousine-fuckin', jet plane-suckin', diarrhea-drinkin', asshole-stinkin' Hell-on-Earth in a cartridge, and I'm gonna open up a whole can of whoop-ass on it! And that's the bottom line because the fuckin' Nerd said so!

The Nerd

Seriously, why couldn't they give all the WWF games to Capcom instead of giving six of them to one of the worst video game companies in existence? Oh, and did I mention the toy line? LJN made the toys, too, and those fucking sucked also! Ugh! What were they thinking? Man, if LJN stood for Laughing Joking Numbnuts, then WWF must have stood for... Wisecracking Wiener Fuckfarts. [Actually, Nerd, WWF stood for "World Wrestling Federation." Now it's WWE, which stands for "World Wrestling Entertainment."] (gets knocked down by SNES cartridge with a steel chair and the audience angrily boos while the cartridge celebrates as if giving the audience a middle finger, and saying "FUCK YOU!")

The Nerd

(after unsuccessfully trying to escape) The only way it'll let me go is if I show the game! (crying) I had to... I had no choice. I can't stand this anymore. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry just... [cries] Just don't look. Don't look, turn the video off right now! Once you see it, it's in you forever.

The Nerd

Seriously, the last thing I want to do after beating Sonic '06 is play more fuckin' Sonic '06! I'd rather rip every individual pube out of my scrotum with salad tongs than play this anymore!

The Nerd

[after he beats Sonic '06] Wow! Can't say I've seen that before. Well, Sonic '06, it's all done. Just to think, all the hours spent, all that time, all that torture, and now, it's all over?

The Nerd

[exclaims] Yeah! You like th-Ah! Ah! Yeah! Give it to me! [shouting] Ah! Yeah, yeah! [exclaims] Yeah, oh you like it when I give you those bedroom eyes! [shouts] Yeah! [exclaims and shouts]

The Nerd

What? JIZZ!? 'A popular style of freeform, wailing music' Jizz! Yeah, there is 'jizz' in this book. (flips to another page) Jizz-wailer!? 'A musician who plays a fast, contemporary, and upbeat style of music.' Jizz-wailer! It's in Star Wars!

The Nerd

Let's learn some motherfucking math! On the move!

The Nerd

[on the game's oversized box] Your MOM has an oversized box!

The Nerd

LEAVE ME ALONE! LET ME PLAY THE GAME!

The Nerd

While the movie was Dirty Harry, the game... was just straight-up filthy.