Scenes with Richard 25
[whispering] What are we gonna do?
[whispering] I don't know.
Maybe we should just go outside again, this time through the front door.
Okay, prepare to get wet.
[Gumball opens the door, but the bucket containing dried concrete falls in front of Gumball and Darwin almost hitting them]
Gumball, what's wrong with you? You're hyperventilating! [grabs Gumball] Stop panicking, Gumball! Just calm down! (slapping Gumball) GET...A...GRIP! SNAP...OUT...OF...IT!!!
CUT IT OUT! You're making it worse.
Oh. Sorry. How's this? [rubs Gumball gently] Does that feel better?
[calms down] Much better. Now hold me and tell me everything's gonna be okay.
Everything's gonna be okay, buddy.
[Darwin kisses Gumball on the head. However, their moment of peace abruptly ends when Richard crashes through the wall, scaring them]
RichardPRANK TIME!!
Richard
Aw, don't talk to me about those rosy-cheeked, baby-faced, (points at them) HAIRY MUTANTS!
[after firing themselves, macho Darwin and Gumball are sulking in a run-down apartment]
Ah, I can't believe we lost our jobs.
So this is being an adult, huh?
DGDarwin & Gumball
Rent overdue?! [Gumball holds a rotten candy cane]
And this is our last piece of food.
And I think we should share it.
[already eaten it] Sorry, what was that? [Darwin thunders angrily at Gumball]
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ATE OUR LAST PIECE OF CANDY!
WELL, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M STUCK HERE WITH YOU!
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE BOTH YELLING!!
I KNOW, WE'RE TRYING TO HIDE FROM THE LANDLORD!!
OKAY!!! [both wallow in self-pity] I wish we were kids again.
[walks away sobbing] I'll be in my room.
CColin
[In DVD recording] Greetings, Gumball Watterson, from our secret lair.
Isn't that just the library?
Richard
Shh! There's more!
CColin
[In DVD recording] So, you think you're too good for us, eh? Well, you'll soon change your mind when we upload your embarrassing school record in a web video hosted by none other than you.
[In DVD video recording, pretending to be Gumball]
CColin (Pretending to be Gumball)
My name's Gumball Watterson. and my IQ is smaller than my shoe size. I wore diapers until the age of eleven and once got detention for calling Miss Simian "mum."
Richard
[Screams] He looks just like you!
CColin
[In DVD recording] Our revenge plan is almost complete.
CComputer
[In DVD recording] Uploading. Ten minutes until completion.
CColin
[In DVD recording] [Evil laugh] And, cut! How was I? Evil enough?
Great, now the nerds are bullying me! Do you want me to deal with this on my own?
No. When someone picks a fight with one of us, they pick a fight with all of us. Everybody, get in the car. We've still got time to stop them.
Richard
But where is their secret hideout?
[Gumball and Darwin are playing with a plastic toy wand that they got from a cereal box.]
Richard
[Gasps] Magic wand! [Runs, then falls over] Can I have a turn?
Sure, but it doesn't really --
Richard
Cool! With this, I can make all my wishes come true. [Waves wand] My first wish is that this doesn't turn out to be a big fraud. Like that stupid wishbone!
Richard
Well, when I was a boy about your age...
[A flashback plays, where a young Richard and Granny Jojo break a wishbone.]
Young Richard
I wish that the sausages would fly into my mouth. [He opens his mouth, but nothing happens] Mom, I made a wish on the wishbone but nothing happened.
What did you think, that it was gonna come true? Magic isn't real.
Young Richard
[Gasps] You mean, it's a fraud?
[Richard screams throughout his childhood, including his teenage years, which we hear him hitting puberty.]
Richard
[Voice-over] And I didn't stop screaming for 15 years.
[Richard can be seen screaming in his yearbook photo. As an adult, he screams at the movies, and finally, during his and Nicole's wedding. Flashback ends.]
Richard
I never believed in anything again. But I believe this will be different. Now, I've got some wishing to do! Hehe, hehe, hehe!
[Mrs. and Mr. Robinson are destroying Richard's car] This is what happens when you mess with Gaylord! This is what happens! THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS! THIS... IS... WHAT... HAPPENS!
Richard
They look kind of angry, Gumball.
DSDoughnut Sheriff
Please, stop! Please!
[Mrs. Robinson turns around, hissing, as she is about to assault the Doughnut Sheriff with the duster, making him more nervous]
DSDoughnut Sheriff
Please, ma'am, drop the duster! Please! No, ma'am! [Pulls out his taser] No, no! [Zaps Mrs. Robinson]
[Mrs. Robinson falls down. The Doughnut Sheriff realizes his mistake, and Mr. Robinson slowly turns his head to see the electrocuted Mr. Robinson.]
[In slow-motion] MARGARET!!
DSDoughnut Sheriff
No, sir, no, please!
[Mr. Robinson angrily jumps over the Doughnut Sheriff, ready to attack him with the golf club, then camera cuts to the electrified Mr. and Mrs. Robinson]
Maybe we should give them time to calm down.
Richard
[Off-screen] It's mine!
[Off-screen] Give it back!
[Scene changes to the Wattersons' dining room where Richard, Nicole and Gumball are aruging while Darwin and Anais watch in fear]
Richard
It's mine!
[Richard snatches the hat and Nicole and Gumball slams him to the ground]
Richard
But I'm on Hat or No Hat tomorrow!
Richard
It...
Stop it! [All stop and look at Anais] Look at what you've become! This stupid hat is driving you crazy!
It's not a helmet or a hat! It's a piece of tinfoil! And it's tearing this family apart! Look at you! You're behaving like animals!
[Sighs] Anais is right. That helmet has such a grip on us.
Richard
It's like its magic is taking control of the person who wears it!
Ha! Well, since none of you guys want it, I guess I can have it back.
No! Me and Darwin have been talking, and we've decided it has to be destroyed.
What?! You can't destroy it! I'm nothing without it!
I'm sorry, honey, but Anais is right.
[Anais walk towards Gumball]
Can- can I have one more go?
No! [Snatches the helmet out of Gumball's hands]
Richard
Hey! [picks Gumball up]
No! No! No! It's mine! Aah! Aah! No! It's my helmet! [Tries to get helmet back]
[Richard and Nicole stop Gumball from taking the helmet, while Gumball goes crazy]
Dude, chill out. It's just a bucket with some tinfoil on it.
Aaah! Give it back! It's my helmet! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
(The episode opens on Nicole, who is whimpering in her sleep in the front lawn. Anais touches her face to wake her up.)
Oh, I just had the weirdest dream. I was out on the front lawn and your father had a job as a pizza delivery guy.
Richard
(Offscreen, then shown in a delivery boy outfit) That wasn't a dream. That's what I just told you---and you fainted! (chuckles)
(Back at the house..)
Your father has a job. Your father has...a job.
(Anais is holding Nicole's hand to comfort her, but the woman suddenly jumps up to her.)
Something's gonna go terribly wrong, isn't it?!?
No, this is a good thing. We can finally buy all the things we need.
What do you mean? We got everything we need.
(picks up a family photo) Mom, we've all been wearing the same clothes for the past year, you three don't even have any shoes, (whispers) and I think it's about time Darwin wore some pants.
(Back at the house, Nicole is huddled in a blanket, hyperventilating while Anais sits beside her, comforting her.)
Mom, when you say "Dad having a job has upset the fundamental balance of the universe," are you sure you don't just mean he's changed the balance of power in the house, and that upsets you because you're a little bit of a control freak?
No. Maybe.... I don't know anymore!
(Gumball and Darwin enter the house)
Boys! What's going on with your father?! Has something terrible happened?!
Well, he dropped a few pizzas, so we delivered 'em. That's about it.
Maybe I should just forget about all this...
You know, that good stuff's got me thinking, what else is cheap in this house?
[Gumball, Darwin, and Anais walk into the living room]
I mean, look at this MP3 player. Now tell me it's not a calculator with headphones stuck in it. [Grabs a copy of "HOW TO RATATWANG YOUR PANDA"] And that DVD is not even the real film. It's some mockbuster from the bargain bin.
Richard
What's wrong with "How to Ratatwang Your Panda"?
[On the TV Screen, a section of the film plays, taking place in a dojo]
GCGood CGI Mouse
Get ready, panda, use your secret weapon.
CPChuck the Panda
Okay, you asked for it. [Does a massive fart in the other mice's face]
[Cuts back to the couch]
Richard
HAHAHAHAHA! HEHAHA! [Sighs] Clever.
And look at this "blender". You really call this top-of-the-line?
[Gumball turns on the blender, actually a fan blade above a bowl, and puts an orange in it, causing its juice to fly onto the ceiling]
Why can't we have the good stuff?
More importantly, what's mom hiding?
[The home phone rings, and Anais answers]
SVSpooky Voice
For your own safety, stop digging around. There's nothing to find.
Okay, but if we were going to start digging, where should we look?
SVSpooky Voice
Definitely not the attic. Ah! No, wait--! Oh, darn--.
[The voice hangs up as Anais cleverly laughs]
[Using a GPS, Richard drives recklessly through private houses on the way to drop Gumball, Darwin and Anais at Elmore High]
Dad, why do we have to go to school?
Richard
So you can get a job.
But why would I need a job?
Richard
So you can earn money.
GGPS
Continue ahead. [the car drives forward on an unfinished expressway]
Well, why do I need money?
Richard
To buy the stuff that the TV makes us want. [the car continues forward and drops down a great height]
But why do I need to buy stuff?
Richard
Because if you didn't buy stuff, everyone would be out of a job and no one would have any money.
Wait, so I have to work for the rest of my life to pay for stuff that I don't want, just so that everyone else can suffer the same horrible fate as me?
Richard
Exactly. [the car crash-lands onto another expressway and continues on, causing traffic accidents]
You just live your life without thinking, don't you?
Richard
I believe you are underestimating me, son.
Richard
And the police said I have to wear this thing for...
[Changes to Mr. Robinson's house]
Six weeks. And I can't leave the house or it...
[Back to Wattersons' house]
Richard
Sets off an alarm and I'll be...
[Back to Robinson's house]
Sent to prison. And it was all...
RRRichard and Mr. Robinson
HIS FAULT!
Dad, could you explain that again, this time using full sentences?
Richard
I'd love to, but I'm too busy...
[off scene] Plotting my revenge!
[All the Wattersons hear Mr. Robinson shouting]
Hmm... I see what is happening here.
Richard
Boys, I need you to sneak into Mr. Robinson's house. There's this old prank I used to do in collage.
Richard
Okay, high school. Just do as I say.
Mr. Robinson, we need you to stop this feud or you and Dad are gonna end up in prison.
GRGaylord Robinson
Almost there... darn it! [pulls back in the long stick, which is made up of household items that have a long reach]
What are you doing, anyway?
Trying to get back at your father, but this thing's still not long enough!
[On the end of the stick, there is a bee taped down to a pencil.]
What the wasp?! Mr. Robinson! This argument has spiraled into madness! It has to stop.
Not till your father pays for what he did to my car.
Then you leave us no choice, sir. Darwin?
[Darwin gets Mr. Robinson's alarm clock.]
Stop the feud, or I reset your alarm clock.
No! I won't know how to reprogram it!
How would you like to wake up at six? Seven? Eight? Or nine a.m.?
Nine a.m.?! I'll lose half the day!
You know, this can end anytime you like.
Humph. Do your worst. My bladder will wake me up at five anyway.
Well then, how would you like your radio tuned to young people's music?!
[Darwin turns the radio to a "young people's music" station, and a parody of the song "Baby" plays.]
AGH! HE SAID THE WORD "BABY" OVER SEVENTEEN TIMES! TURN IT OFF!
[Darwin turns the radio off.]
Okay! Okay! I give up! I'll end the feud. But please, can you do this one thing for me in return? [pulls out an envelope] I can't leave the house to post this letter. Would you do it for me?
Sir, it would be an honor.
Mom, instead of milk, can we have chocolate milk?
Instead of eggs, can we have chocolate eggs?
Instead of bread, can we have chocolate bread?
No.[Sighs] Richard, can I get a little help here, please?
Richard
Sure. [Walks to the kids] Here kids, [Grabs a chocolate bar] stop bothering your mother and eat this chocolate.
[Nicole groans and swiftly kicks the chocolate bar out of Richard's hand]
What the...?! Well what's the point in dragging us here if we're not getting some kind of treat?!
[Strained voice, speaks through gritted teeth] Because we're having a nice family outing and that should be reward enough.
[Gumball starts to whimper]
[Screams and cries while lying down and bangs on the floor] I WANT THE CHOCOLATE EGGS!
[Nicole sighs, and just as Anais and Darwin copy Gumball, Richard starts screaming. Gary walks by and gives Nicole a judgmental stare]
[Grabs two cans of hot dogs and speaks in a high-pitched voice while staring at the one on her right hand] Oh, Mommy, I want some chocolate. [Stares at the one on her left hand in a normal pitched voice] I'm sorry, little sausage, but you had too much candy this week. [Closes her eyes in a high pitched voice] WAH WAH WAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH! [Squeezes the can in her right hand so hard it explodes; normal voice] Now all the little sausages are punished and going to have to wait in the car.
You paranoid nut bar, that stuff doesn't work.
Then why are you holding a basket full of lipstick?
Three colors, five dollars! It'd be stupid not to buy it!
[As Anais stares at him, Gumball realizes what she's saying]
This. Is. Perfect! If we use those tricks on Mom, we can get anything we want! It's foolproof! [Starts singing happily] Who's getting candy? [Points at Anais] Owww, you're getting candy! Uh! Uh! [Starts dancing]
I'm getting candy! [Twirls around] And he's getting candddddy!
Richard
I'm getting candy?! [Pretends to shred on an air guitar] Uhn! Uhn! She's getting candy! [Points at Anais]
Mmm, mmm, mmm-mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm! I'm getting candy, [Points at each of the three boys] you're getting candy, he's getting candy, he's getting candy, she's—
[The Wattersons walk out in disappointment]
At least he passed away peacefully.
Yeah, like a peaceful, evil raisin.
[The kids and Richard are giving the turtle a funeral]
[Sniffles] Before we say goodbye to our beloved family pet, Evil Turtle, I think we should all say a few words to let him know how much he meant to us.
GAGumball, Anais and Richard
Hmmm.
I'll always think fondly of the way he put fear into my heart.
GAGumball, Anais and Richard
Hmmm.
Every time I stare down at the scar tissue on my hand, I'll think of him.
GDGumball and Darwin
Hmmm.
Richard
Only once in your lifetime, does something touch your heart in the way that... awesome store did! [Sobs in his hands]
Gumball, do you have anything you like to add?
Yeah, er.... I'll miss his.... you know the funny way he... the thing he... I got nothing.
[Drops the dead turtle into the trash bag] All of this because we couldn't take care of him.
[Darwin cries over the turtle and a single drop falls on the turtle who immediately recovers and hisses at them, scaring Gumball]
He was revived by my tear!
[The turtle climbs out and crosses the road away from the Wattersons, hissing and snarling furiously]
Somebody save him, he could get hurt!
[The Turtle moves into the path of a speeding car in which the car crashes into pieces and the turtle was unharmed and unfazed by the impact]
Forget saving the turtle, we need a plan to save the neighborhood.
(comes out of a bush) Because you're the one he loves biting the most!
Alright, but why am I not allowed to wear clothes?
Because he could choke on them.
(Darwin pops in and then out of his hiding spot and decorates Gumball's head with leaves.)
Presentation. It's important.
Shh! Just remember to let it get as close as possible to give me a chance to catch it!
Just make sure you don't hurt him, okay? He's only a small little guy and there's three of...
(Darwin suddenly falls as he is heard gasping.)
(Gumball nervously checks his environment as looks around. He then hears splashing water.)
Dude, is that you?... Hello? Is anyone there?
(A pair of malicious eyes poke out of the swamp. Gumball gapes before the turtle rushes out to him while hissing, scaring Gumball and forcing him to free himself!)
(The evil turtle closes in, but Gumball manages to free himself, though losing his fur from the tape, and runs away, with the turtle in pursuit.)
Wait, what about the bowl?!
Well, I guess there's no getting rid of it. We'll have to keep it for as long as it lives.
MOM! WE GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE NOW!!!!
Yes, but about that, apparently the engine is... (glares at Richard) caramelized.
Richard
(gasps, then whispers) Caramelized.... (He looks at Nicole) Aw.... Mmm!
(groans) He can't fix it. We're stuck here. But, the good news is he says he'll have us for dinner!
(Gumball and Darwin scream again from inside the car.)
Can you guys stop screaming every five minutes?!
(The window rolls down, revealing the boys screaming silently.)
Actually, we're doing a silent scream. We need to save our voices for WHEN HE EATS US!!!
You two are ridiculous. Scaring yourselves with narrow-minded assumptions about country people.
(The old man suddenly picks up Anais.)
OMOld Man
Big brain for such a small thing. (chuckles) I like that.
(Frightened, Anais dashes into the car.)
WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE NOW!!!!
Alright, that's it! I only get five days off a year! (at Richard) We already wasted Christmas when you decorated the house with whipped cream instead of fake snow!
(Flashback to Nicole entering the house at Christmastime)
(Nicole slips on the whipped cream and is knocked unconscious. Richard and Anais are seen gorging on the cream.)
Richard
Uh, how much cream did you eat?
Then, there was the Fourth of July...
(In another flashback, the family is gathered in the backyard as Richard lights a firework.)
(The lit firework launches, but it circles back down and crashes into the yard.)
Then your mother's visit...
(In another flashback, Nicole is driving on the freeway with Granny Jojo alongside her. However, as the latter speaks, she gets increasingly annoyed.)
After you drop me off at the mall, go to the grocery store and buy me a melon - not too hard, not too soft. Then, pick me up at 2:30. I have an appointment at a beauty parlor, and from the looks of it, you could do with a makeover yourself, then you need to--
And let's not forget Halloween!
(In one last flashback, Richard, in a wolf mask, surprises Nicole on Halloween. However, Nicole reacts by kicking him down the stairs!)
Richard
There's some liquid in my lungs!
(Back to the original scene...)
So I'm not going to ruin this by listening to your crazy assumptions! You said we were going camping, so WE ARE GOING CAMPING!!!!!!!!
(The episode opens in the kids' room, where the three sleep peacefully. However, once the alarm goes off, that peace fades as they wake up with devilish faces, ready to battle for control of the computer.)
(The kids each impede each other on reaching the computer. As Gumball jumps into the chair, Darwin throws a cup full of pencils over the seat, forcing Gumball to land on the pencils' sharp edges, shedding a tear in pain.)
Good move, but I can take it.
(Gumball turns the computer on, but the three discover it now needing a...)
(The bedroom door is pushed closed by the surprise culprit - their father!)
Richard
(deep voice) I DID IT!
Were you standing behind that door all night for dramatic effect?
Richard
No.
Then why does it look like your bladder's about to explode?
(Richard is then seen holding in his pee severely.)
Richard
You kids spend too much time on that thing. You should be playing outside.
Why do I have the feeling you sound like Mom right now?
Richard
Uh... (Nicole's arm appears holding a note.) "Your mother has nothing to do with this. I take full responsibility for being the bad cop this time. Read this or you sleep on the couch tonight."
What the what? Y-you look… you look—
Penny: What? Do I look bad? [She shape-shifts into a gremlin]
Penny: [Raspy voice] I look disgusting, don't I?!
No, Penny, I think you look—
Penny: Don't look at me! [Deep voice] I'M A MONSTER!
[Penny shape-shifts into an amorphous fist, breaks through the wall of Gumball's room, and flies away, now in the form of a gargoyle]
No, Penny, wait! You look… extraordinary.
Richard
NO! It's a tragic misunderstanding that could have been really easily avoided if he just finished his sentence in time!
[Nicole slowly opens the door and the rest of the Wattersons rush into Gumball's room]
[Gumball climbs down the ladder, going after Penny]
PPatrick
What the…? You came out of your shell.
[Laughs nervously] I know, she looks fantastic, right?
PPatrick
What have you done? You've turned her into a freak.
A freak…ishly beautiful young lady. [Laughs nervously]
PPatrick
She looks like a pig-
-ture of beauty. Ha ha, absolutely!
PPatrick
You turned my daughter into a monster!
-truck! Of... prettiness?
[Penny shrieks as she transforms into a dragon]
Penny: [Deep voice] Gumball, please tell my father that the monster's gone to live in the forest, with all the other beasts! [Flies away]
[Gumball turns to Patrick, with an angry expression on his face]
[Mockingly imitates Patrick] Ohh, I wonder why my daughter is upset after I called her a freaky pig monster!
[Gumball hops on the hood of Patrick's car]
NOW, WITH ALL DUE RESPECT, I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU TO SHUT UP! Think about what you've done! Do you realize you were wrong?! [Patrick nods] Good! But don't beat yourself up about it, parenting is hard! Now pop the hood!
[Patrick pops the hood of his car, launching Gumball up into the sky, and onto Penny]
I'm not letting you leave!
Penny: Gumball, no! You'll get hurt!
[A plane approaches them. They barely dodge it]
Penny! Go up go up GO UP!
The Amazing World of Gumball · 211 quotes
